After reading in the Acoa section of this forum, I'm realizing....
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After reading in the Acoa section of this forum, I'm realizing....
How much my husband was affected by his upbringing. How much his parents affect me and my kids as well. He came from a domestic violence and abusive and alcoholic home. I knew that going into this. He always said he wouldn't be like that and is devastated that he is. He knows that they will not support his efforts to quit drinking or to change. All the characteristics are like him. I think if he had been aware of these and had worked on himself, he would have maybe realized his behaviors, or at least been aware. It is so sad how this cycle repeats and repeats. I fear for my kids as well. It is very sad and overwhelming and oppressive feeling 
Sobriety Date: Feb 2009
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Osaka, Jpn
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Hi, PH!
Although I am recovering alcoholic, ACOA forum is much more insightful than alcoholism form for me. I did not realize how much I disturb and affect my family. Alcoholics do not realize at all. You concentrate yourself and your children and take care yourself and your children.
Although I am recovering alcoholic, ACOA forum is much more insightful than alcoholism form for me. I did not realize how much I disturb and affect my family. Alcoholics do not realize at all. You concentrate yourself and your children and take care yourself and your children.
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Praisehim - exactly right, every word. I think the same things. I posted somewhere else that we get maps in our childhood. Maps on how we function as adults and the path we'll take. My husband followed his map, to a T. Sadly, as I become more aware, I'm following mine step for step too.
I want/need awareness because I need to re-write my map ---- because my kids are getting their own map. I don't like the one they have so far because it looks just like their parents. It is hard. I feel so lost and desperate to do better by them.
I want/need awareness because I need to re-write my map ---- because my kids are getting their own map. I don't like the one they have so far because it looks just like their parents.
It is hard. I feel so lost and desperate to do better by them.
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Hello praiseHim, and pleased to "meet" you 
It only repeats for those who are not willing to stop it. You and your husband now have the opportunity to break the cycle. There is still time for your kids. In fact, if you break the cycle now, it will not even exist for your grandchildren.
My daughter never knew me as a drunk. But her Mother and I had our share of dysfunction that affected her in some ways. My daughter has 4 kids of her own, and they have a hard time understanding what a "toxic" family is like, or the whole concept of dysfunction. My daughter has done a great job of raising them. Whadya know, next October I'm gonna be a great-grandpa, and that little one is being born into a family full of love.
praiseHim, recovery is all about the cleaning up of the wreckage of our past, and making a healthy, positive future for us and our children. It sounds to me like you and your husband are doing exactly that.
Mike
Originally Posted by praiseHim 
... It is so sad how this cycle repeats and repeats....
My daughter never knew me as a drunk. But her Mother and I had our share of dysfunction that affected her in some ways. My daughter has 4 kids of her own, and they have a hard time understanding what a "toxic" family is like, or the whole concept of dysfunction. My daughter has done a great job of raising them. Whadya know, next October I'm gonna be a great-grandpa, and that little one is being born into a family full of love.
praiseHim, recovery is all about the cleaning up of the wreckage of our past, and making a healthy, positive future for us and our children. It sounds to me like you and your husband are doing exactly that.
Mike
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Originally Posted by DesertEyes
Hello praiseHim, and pleased to "meet" you
It only repeats for those who are not willing to stop it. You and your husband now have the opportunity to break the cycle. There is still time for your kids. In fact, if you break the cycle now, it will not even exist for your grandchildren.
My daughter never knew me as a drunk. But her Mother and I had our share of dysfunction that affected her in some ways. My daughter has 4 kids of her own, and they have a hard time understanding what a "toxic" family is like, or the whole concept of dysfunction. My daughter has done a great job of raising them. Whadya know, next October I'm gonna be a great-grandpa, and that little one is being born into a family full of love.
praiseHim, recovery is all about the cleaning up of the wreckage of our past, and making a healthy, positive future for us and our children. It sounds to me like you and your husband are doing exactly that.
Mike
It only repeats for those who are not willing to stop it. You and your husband now have the opportunity to break the cycle. There is still time for your kids. In fact, if you break the cycle now, it will not even exist for your grandchildren.
My daughter never knew me as a drunk. But her Mother and I had our share of dysfunction that affected her in some ways. My daughter has 4 kids of her own, and they have a hard time understanding what a "toxic" family is like, or the whole concept of dysfunction. My daughter has done a great job of raising them. Whadya know, next October I'm gonna be a great-grandpa, and that little one is being born into a family full of love.
praiseHim, recovery is all about the cleaning up of the wreckage of our past, and making a healthy, positive future for us and our children. It sounds to me like you and your husband are doing exactly that.
Mike
Persevere, Never give up!
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Stellenbosch, South Africa
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Originally Posted by praiseHim
How much my husband was affected by his upbringing. How much his parents affect me and my kids as well. He came from a domestic violence and abusive and alcoholic home. I knew that going into this. He always said he wouldn't be like that and is devastated that he is. He knows that they will not support his efforts to quit drinking or to change. All the characteristics are like him. I think if he had been aware of these and had worked on himself, he would have maybe realized his behaviors, or at least been aware. It is so sad how this cycle repeats and repeats. I fear for my kids as well. It is very sad and overwhelming and oppressive feeling
GOD works for the good of those who love HIM
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