Heard from my XABF today and didn't crumble
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Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 1,057
Heard from my XABF today and didn't crumble
Today, I am thankful for the people at SR and the things I have learned here in the last month. I received a very unexpected, long email this morning from my XABF who wants me back. We’ve been split up for over 2 months and have had no communication for the last 6 weeks. If it weren’t for what I’ve learned from all of you here in the last month, I am afraid I would be struggling with whether or not I should go back to him. I am relieved to say that I have no desire to go there ever again, even after his email and great profession of love for me and his “realization” of the mistake he made by letting me go.
Keep in mind he is still living with the girl he moved into his place almost immediately after we broke up. His email was paragraph after paragraph about how “now that reality has settled in” he knows he blew it. He “knows” that I am the one person he loves more than anyone and that he can’t get me off his mind and he wants me back even though he knows it probably won’t happen. He says doesn’t expect to hear back from me – he just wanted me to know these things were on his mind.
Not once in his litany of expressing his love for me did he acknowledge the way he disrespected me or the way he dishonored me or hurt me over the last few months. And he tells me that that my replacement thinks he is cheating on her because he is “distant.” He tells me that the reason he is distant with her is because I am on his mind all the time. Um, hello. Really??? He obviously doesn’t get that he IS cheating on her whether it is physical or not, if it’s true that he is thinking about me all the time. His email to me this morning is a way of cheating on her. DOES HE NOT GET that he is SHOWING ME that he can’t be trusted if he’s living with her and sending me professions of his love?
At this point, I have decided that I am not going to respond at all. I don’t know that it would serve any useful purpose. I went back to some of the stickies and threads from SR that I have bookmarked and read them over and over, especially “This is what addicts do.”
You have all taught me much about addictions and codependency in the last month and for that, I am thankful. Deeply grateful. I used to go crazy trying to figure out how someone could choose marijuana and alcohol over a woman and great family life, but now I have a much better understanding of something that cannot be controlled. And today I have the strength I need to not get sucked back into that world of hurt. And I will keep coming here for a long time, I am sure, until I feel like I have had my own victory in my own recovery.
Keep in mind he is still living with the girl he moved into his place almost immediately after we broke up. His email was paragraph after paragraph about how “now that reality has settled in” he knows he blew it. He “knows” that I am the one person he loves more than anyone and that he can’t get me off his mind and he wants me back even though he knows it probably won’t happen. He says doesn’t expect to hear back from me – he just wanted me to know these things were on his mind.
Not once in his litany of expressing his love for me did he acknowledge the way he disrespected me or the way he dishonored me or hurt me over the last few months. And he tells me that that my replacement thinks he is cheating on her because he is “distant.” He tells me that the reason he is distant with her is because I am on his mind all the time. Um, hello. Really??? He obviously doesn’t get that he IS cheating on her whether it is physical or not, if it’s true that he is thinking about me all the time. His email to me this morning is a way of cheating on her. DOES HE NOT GET that he is SHOWING ME that he can’t be trusted if he’s living with her and sending me professions of his love?
At this point, I have decided that I am not going to respond at all. I don’t know that it would serve any useful purpose. I went back to some of the stickies and threads from SR that I have bookmarked and read them over and over, especially “This is what addicts do.”
You have all taught me much about addictions and codependency in the last month and for that, I am thankful. Deeply grateful. I used to go crazy trying to figure out how someone could choose marijuana and alcohol over a woman and great family life, but now I have a much better understanding of something that cannot be controlled. And today I have the strength I need to not get sucked back into that world of hurt. And I will keep coming here for a long time, I am sure, until I feel like I have had my own victory in my own recovery.
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Quebec
Posts: 2,708
I honestly do not understand how some people can think that wooing someone from the confines of another relationship is in NO WAY attractive. Hearing the words "Oh baby when I kiss her I think of you" is completely revulsive.
Good for you HWC. Let him have his "realizations" on his own time.
Good for you HWC. Let him have his "realizations" on his own time.
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Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 1,057
Thank you for your encouragement, all of you.
Thanks, Freedom, for the confirmation about no response. I'm determined to hang tough on that one.
Yes, Leise, I smell backup plan and it feels good to not let myself get sucked into it.
And Noday, I couldn't agree more...do they really think that's flattering? What an idiotic thing to assume. Not to mention the big waving red flag that says "I can't be trusted" in bold, neon letters. Idiotic.
Thanks, Freedom, for the confirmation about no response. I'm determined to hang tough on that one.
Yes, Leise, I smell backup plan and it feels good to not let myself get sucked into it.
And Noday, I couldn't agree more...do they really think that's flattering? What an idiotic thing to assume. Not to mention the big waving red flag that says "I can't be trusted" in bold, neon letters. Idiotic.
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Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Wizard Land Downunder
Posts: 2,615
Yes I think the "romance" is on the nose, and he is looking back to you to rush to his rescue......Could be a while before he wakes to the reality.... that's not gonna happen.
Going back to him, would be like running back into the burning building you just escaped from.
Besides which, you don't need to be his second hand rose.
God bless
Going back to him, would be like running back into the burning building you just escaped from.
Besides which, you don't need to be his second hand rose.
God bless
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