TinyOne

Got an email today from a guy my ex-Bob works with. "....know you two are in the middle of a move.....really need to hear from Bob....should we send flowers to him?..."

Called the guy back--they haven't seen Bob in two weeks! He took off a Friday-Tuesday two weeks ago (9/26-9/30) and Monday (29th) was the last time he had slept here. He even got up at 5 am that morning to go into work for a few hours--supposedly. Now I find out they haven't heard anything at all from him since the 25th. Plus, they were under the impression that both of us were moving into a new place. Well, I set them straight on that--covering up can only go so far, plus I wanted them to know he's in a bad place (emotional-wise) if he tries to go back to work.

I was panicking until I remembered that I could check his bank account online. He used his ATM a few days ago so I know he isn't dead or in a coma. Since I work on flex-time instead of going to work tomorrow morning I am going to go looking for him. I'll start at the bar closest to me that opens at 7am and then go to his apartment.

He's never done anything like this before. He's been increasingly unhappy with his job but a lot of that has to do with his drinking and the fact that his bosses are catching on. (Just my opinion but duh! he is getting worse.)

He makes enough money from his Army pension that he doesn't have to work.

In spite of all my manic cleaning my arthritis in my lower back has been pretty tame, as soon as I got that email within an hour it was screaming. My God! I never had to deal with this level of crap before when I was living with him! Or maybe I've just been so happy that 'his' reality is like a double slap.

As a member of the human race I don't think that I could just ignore the fact that someone may be suicidal. But this time is a freebie. If he pulls it again he's on his own. Please remind of that!

I think I'm more pissed than scared. I don't feel responsible for this. I don't feel responsible for this. I don't feel responsible for this. detach detach detach detach
#@&*%^$@%&&%$##$^&*

Thanks for letting me vent.

MissyBelle

I used to go looking for him. For the life of me I cannot now figure out WHY! It was his life, his buzz, and his problem. I finally figured out that at 37 years old he could find his own way home.,,,if he wanted to.

When he was using my kids and I had a lot more fun without him around. Why did I look for trouble?

hopenpray

i know what y'all mean! just found out that my stbx AH hasn't been to work this week at all. seems to me a man that claims to be broke would come to work to make some money. but you know what? i am not responsible for his actions. don't even feel sorry for or worried about him. when he does show up for work, his scrubs are wrinkled, his hair isn't combed and he looks like he hasn't taken a shower in a week. one day his coworkers will stop thinking "poor thing. he loved her so much and he's taking this so hard". if he keeps this up, he'll be fired within a month.
thank God for alanon! i honestly can say i have detached. i'm so very proud of myself!
hang on people. you will reach this point too if you take alanons teachings to heart and let go and let God!
************{HUGS}}}}}}}}

JT

Tiny,

Has he asked for your help? Has he told you he is suicidal? What are you going to do if you find him?

Hugs,
JT

TinyOne

Thank you all for the support!!

I woke up this morning with a completely (almost) different attitude. I went to work--Rose's post about being a martyr hit home. I only work a few hours and if he was drunk he was going to be drunk a few hours later. And I also must have had 'Smoke' whispering in my ear in my dream because I woke up thinking 'rescue behavior, rescue behavior'!! So you see, all of your posts do sink in.

I did go look for him. I went to one bar equidistant to both our places, the barmaid made me feel guilty about him lying unconcious so I walked to his place. He was there. He didn't look or smell drunk, he sounded pretty bad and he said he thinks he has pneumonia. He's thinking of going to the VA hospital this weekend. He claims he's been leaving messages for his bosses at work, also he claims he broke his beeper. He wouldn't even let me sit down--it was a long walk and I was very sweaty. What a weinie!

I just now was able to access where he used his ATM card the other night--it was the bank near here, not up near him. I know alcoholics will go drinking no matter how sick they are but he could've gotten booze closer to his place.

My job is done. I'm glad I went. I believe he is very sick (as well as ill). I probably will call his job because they contacted me--if they hadn't gotten in touch with me it wouldn't be my problem but since they did I think it is only right to let them know. Social Service is a small community here, so it's a matter of following through what I said I would do.

Thanks again.

TinyOne

EW!! Ever wish you didn't read a post?? Bob's been missing, right? Looks like hell, right? Has locked himself in apartment (for the most part), right?

Now read Kimberly65's post. About withdrawal. And then please, please slap me.

(The ATM withdrawal could have been used for fast food, right?)

DAMMIT! I AM NOT BACK IN THIS AGAIN!!

i will be better tomorrow.

paige n

Regarding the issue with work.... I was in the same boat at one time. My AH had worked for the same company, same boss for about 5 years and when he started slacking on the job (he worked medical sales so could get away with staying home and drinking all day - for a time) his boss started leaving messages at our house. I didn't know what to do! Then, the first time I took him to detox I came home, answered the phone and it was his boss. In a split second I knew I couldn't lie. I told him that AH was in the hospital, had been having some problems with alcohol for awhile. Wow--he was so supportive it was incredible. He had HR call me the next day and sign papers for AH to go on medical leave, they let me know everything that was going on. I was really glad I told him the truth. AH was mad as hell when he found out but that was his problem! The boss continued to support him and give him time off, even let him off another month for his second rehab. After that, he got fired. They just couldn't keep him on anymore, plus there was a liability with him driving a company vehicle. Anyways, sorry for rambling. I don't think you should cover for him. He needs to feel the pain before he'll even think of changing. Good luck.

TinyOne

Paige-

Bob's never been violent but I don't feel comfortable telling his boss. If the situation ever came up I wouldn't lie but at this point I just told them what he told me. He was sick--I could hear it in his voice and chest. We all know he was drunk for most, if not all, of his missing time, but since I didn't see it I wasn't really covering up for him. Does that make sense? When we lived together he never missed work without calling and the only time I ever lied to his boss was when Bob was sick but out getting a 6 pack and I said he was napping.

I'm close to where you are though, I'm still covering it up with my family and most of the people I work with. It's a heavy load.