fotogal1966

I have been very busy lately.... thinking and not thinking. I contacted an attorney yesterday to review all my options i.e. divorce or legal seperation. Since AH has been out of the house things haven't been exactly quiet ( 2 noisy daughters) but they have been a little less stressful. I was relieved to know that I won't lose my home and that I could make it on my own with the little that I do earn and with child support.
Then this morning AH called me up and wanted to talk in person. Granted, I thought that it couldn't be good news since he didn't want to talk over the phone. But, he came by to say that he was sorry for everything that he has put me and the girls through, that he has been wrong and he wants to prove to us that he will stop drinking because he wants to get on the road to recovery and his family back. Now one could imagine that I have been WAITING to hear that for a long time. In 13 years, he has rarely been wrong or at least admitted to it. I have seen him cry only 3 times: at his father's funeral and at the birth of our girls. But today he was practically begging me to take him back. This is very UNUSUAL behavior for him. He has only been out of the house 2 weeks and I don't feel that a few days of sobriety is enough to take him back on. I wanted to cry myself because I know how hard that was for him to say all the things that he did say. Tough love sucks. But, I do still love him and although I told him I could forgive him for what he has put me and the kids through, he needs to get some serious sobriety time under his belt before I feel comfortable letting him back into the house. Do you think this is wrong?
We are expecting a son (our first) in a little less than 4 weeks. And I told him that NOW would be a good time to get down to business and really work his plan. At least his son would never have to know him like the rest of us do. Even though I felt bad about not letting him come back I think I did the right thing. What does everyone else think?

smoke gets in my eyes

Hi fotogal,

If it felt right, it was. You are the only person who knows what you are willing to put up with, believe or trust. It's very easy to allow our heartstrings to be tugged by the remorse we see once they realize that there really are consequences to their actions. And it is pretty unlikely that a few days of sobriety have been enough to turn his life around.

This has got to be really hard on you with another child on the way. The urge to pull your family all together must be overwhelming at times. I admire your courage and strength in protecting your children from further turmoil.

Hugs,
Smoke

JT

fotogal,

My feeling is that he has betrayed your trust. That is something that cannot be taken lightly....but is also is not irreversable. If he wants to save his family he owes it to all of you to be 100% honest at all times about everything, not just drinking. If you accept anything less the hard decisions you have had to make now will be worthless.

I know how hard it must have been to separate. I am sure you don't want to have to make that decision all over again or put your children through that either. Being very certain that things are where you want them to be before reconciling should be a high priority. Change takes time.

Hugs,
JT