28 days later & I'm pissed off
New Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Nashville, TN
Posts: 162
28 days later & I'm pissed off
So, I'm going to these AA/NA meetings and at first my reasoning is simple enough-- to meet sober people in person. I go through all the internal questioning of whether or not I am an alcoholic, because of course I do not want to be. I listen to story after story--this helps A LOT. Due to the unorganized nightmare that is my mind, I have a difficult time sharing. When I do share it's usually short & I'm not even sure how it comes out. To be completely honest, this is the first complete freak out that I have had since the first day/week of my sobriety & it has me in shambles.
I'm pissed off, because
A. I AM an alcoholic
B. The steps are annoying me, because at least the first 3 are everything my mom kept saying to me---as if I could have simply averted this mess of a life IF only I had listened to my parents...blah blah blah PRIDE blah blah blah.
C. I'm depressed, lonely, & hopeless due to this disease
D. My sponsor didn't answer the phone--neither did 2 other contacts. However, my best friend who isn't an alcoholic & can drink did, that didn't help.
Even though I'm really upset at the moment, I am sober, I have a choice, I'm FEELING--even though it sucks! This is real, I'm not masking it over, sugar coating it. This has been the most I have FELT (almost) an entire month in sooo long. It's heavy.
I am thankful, because
If I hadn't of started going to these meetings I would be back out skippin from group to group of "friends" and using. This (meetings) is my new social life, my network. At the moment this is depressing the hell out of me. Probably because I'm new to this and I want a quick fix. I want an immediate replacement of all my friends, but sober versions, because I can't even trust myself.
Also very thankful for SR. For providing a network to share & vent.
Oh my god losing your sh*t is horrible! When I got home & got out of the car I made my self lay down in my yard & stared at the sky for a good 45 minutes to calm down, because I didn't want to go inside & face my family in the state I was initially in. I still bee lined it to my room when I gathered myself up enough to do so.
Sorry for the B**tchin & moanin---reckon i'll join the pity party thread when I find it....I HAD to reach out though. That's all I've got. Thanks.
I'm pissed off, because
A. I AM an alcoholic
B. The steps are annoying me, because at least the first 3 are everything my mom kept saying to me---as if I could have simply averted this mess of a life IF only I had listened to my parents...blah blah blah PRIDE blah blah blah.
C. I'm depressed, lonely, & hopeless due to this disease
D. My sponsor didn't answer the phone--neither did 2 other contacts. However, my best friend who isn't an alcoholic & can drink did, that didn't help.
Even though I'm really upset at the moment, I am sober, I have a choice, I'm FEELING--even though it sucks! This is real, I'm not masking it over, sugar coating it. This has been the most I have FELT (almost) an entire month in sooo long. It's heavy.
I am thankful, because
If I hadn't of started going to these meetings I would be back out skippin from group to group of "friends" and using. This (meetings) is my new social life, my network. At the moment this is depressing the hell out of me. Probably because I'm new to this and I want a quick fix. I want an immediate replacement of all my friends, but sober versions, because I can't even trust myself.
Also very thankful for SR. For providing a network to share & vent.
Oh my god losing your sh*t is horrible! When I got home & got out of the car I made my self lay down in my yard & stared at the sky for a good 45 minutes to calm down, because I didn't want to go inside & face my family in the state I was initially in. I still bee lined it to my room when I gathered myself up enough to do so.
Sorry for the B**tchin & moanin---reckon i'll join the pity party thread when I find it....I HAD to reach out though. That's all I've got. Thanks.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: NY
Posts: 62
Don't feel bad dude. I just had a nervous breakdown, almost quit my job. I decided time off from everything was in my best interest. Don't be afraid to be selfish and venture out on your own. I couldn't deal with the influences from my friends and family so i choose to ignore them... All my friends and family are drinkers or druggies. I ended up reading lot, driving nowhere, and exercising...also playing alot of guitar...
Hang in there...
Hang in there...
New Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Nashville, TN
Posts: 162
Thanks. I do feel better after venting & realized in the process that a lot of the thoughts in my mind that triggered said emotions were mostly reflections of the past, which no one can change. I'm working on realizing that horrible trigger. I just have to get through these funky times, because truth be told this is probably the best 28 days, in a row, I've had since I don't know when. I've been hearing about the sleek way the urge of relapse can appear, I just need to be on guard for those moments--I don't want to screw up this life giving decision.
New Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Nashville, TN
Posts: 162
washburn--you hang in there too man. I feel you on the job situation too. I've almost quit mine a few times. It's actually gotten a lot better since sobriety & going to meetings though, I feel like patience comes a lot easier since. I can't get enough patience at work--serving in an assisted living community. It's great, but sometimes I think I'm going to lose it...haha
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Wichita KS
Posts: 53
I feel ya, Im thinking about all the fun Im missing out on this upcoming weekend at the lake with all my "drinking" buddies and its depressing. I keep trying to remind myself of all the stupid Sh** I did when I was drinking and that sort of helps me want to remain sober. More than anything though coming on here and reading posts such as yours and knowing that Im not fighting this battle alone is extremely helpful. Waking up Sunday morning not feeling like somebody hit me in the head with a hammer is something Im looking forward to as well
Keep up the good work!
Keep up the good work!
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,776
---reckon i'll join the pity party thread when I find it....
That would be Whiners Anonymous
in the Daily Support forum. Check it out for some good whines and leave a few whines of your own.http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...part-38-a.html
New Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Nashville, TN
Posts: 162
Ozy--thanks, the avatar is a close up of jake cinninger-umphrey's mcgees lead guitarist, they're awesome, he is awesome
wichitaks--waking up hangover free will be nice, always...
Love (your avatar) them redheads! One of my favorite movies growin up.
least-- that's right! I couldn't remember...haha, thanks!
wichitaks--waking up hangover free will be nice, always...
Love (your avatar) them redheads! One of my favorite movies growin up.
least-- that's right! I couldn't remember...haha, thanks!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Germany
Posts: 2,058
Glad to see you feeling a bit better Atlas. I have been mostly to myself in my sobriety because I do have ups and downs. I am getting far more comfortable in my skin and making positive changes each day.
Yesterday was a gritting experience but I survived sober and have a hell of lot more confidence. I refuse to give in.
Yay for staying sober, don't dwell too much on the crap and remember while we are alcoholics we are in recovery and that feels damn good!!!!
Huggs!
Yesterday was a gritting experience but I survived sober and have a hell of lot more confidence. I refuse to give in.
Yay for staying sober, don't dwell too much on the crap and remember while we are alcoholics we are in recovery and that feels damn good!!!!
Huggs!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
((Atlas)) - I read your post and I hear a couple things..frustration. That's pretty normal at 28 days. When all those feelings we've been numbing start to surface, it's pretty darned tough!! I acutally went into recovery thinking I'd give it 6 months. If I didn't like it, I promised myself I could go back "out there". Needless to say, 3+ years, I'm still in recovery
I also hear some pretty good recovery. Being able to find things to be thankful for is awesome!! You (and others here) are doing GREAT!!
It IS hard facing up to what we've lost and dealing with the consequences we've brought upon ourselves. I've got some I'll be dealing with the rest of my life. However, I can live my life, each day, in a way that I don't make any MORE decisions that bring on more bad consequences to deal with later on, and that's pretty cool.
After 3 years of recovery, I still have the occasional day where I'm frustrated, irritated, and when I go to sleep at night, the best I can muster is "at least I'm still clean" and ya know what? That's okay. He!!, that's wonderful! The next day is ALWAYS a bit better.
Hang in there and vent away. If I wasn't able to vent when I needed to, I'd be stark raving mad.
Congratulations on 28 days!!
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
I also hear some pretty good recovery. Being able to find things to be thankful for is awesome!! You (and others here) are doing GREAT!!
It IS hard facing up to what we've lost and dealing with the consequences we've brought upon ourselves. I've got some I'll be dealing with the rest of my life. However, I can live my life, each day, in a way that I don't make any MORE decisions that bring on more bad consequences to deal with later on, and that's pretty cool.
After 3 years of recovery, I still have the occasional day where I'm frustrated, irritated, and when I go to sleep at night, the best I can muster is "at least I'm still clean" and ya know what? That's okay. He!!, that's wonderful! The next day is ALWAYS a bit better.
Hang in there and vent away. If I wasn't able to vent when I needed to, I'd be stark raving mad.
Congratulations on 28 days!!
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
I agree with Amy when she says she hears some good recovery in there. Hey, none of us woke up one day and and said "Gee, I wish I was an alcoholic". That whole pride thing kicks in, the ambivalence in regard to that first step, to say nothing of the next two...
You are right where you are supposed to be, and it can and does suck. Don't drink no matter what and work your program (steps) like your life depends on it, because it does. This black cloud will pass.
Remember, you can do anything, ANYTHING (you are still young!!).... anything you want except drink or drug.... How cool is that?
Mark
PS: Umphreys rocks, BTW... Headed for WV today for canoe/whitewater/camping with my kids (Huge Umphreys fans, my oldest sees them every time they come around)... I've got Live at Murat cued up and ready for the ride!
You are right where you are supposed to be, and it can and does suck. Don't drink no matter what and work your program (steps) like your life depends on it, because it does. This black cloud will pass.
Remember, you can do anything, ANYTHING (you are still young!!).... anything you want except drink or drug.... How cool is that?
Mark
PS: Umphreys rocks, BTW... Headed for WV today for canoe/whitewater/camping with my kids (Huge Umphreys fans, my oldest sees them every time they come around)... I've got Live at Murat cued up and ready for the ride!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 385
Hi Atlas, and welcome.
As we often hear in AA...."the good news is that we are able to feel our feelings again, and the bad new is that we are able to feel our feelings again." <G>
The first step, and principle, is honesty...and I'm hearing you doing that with courage. A few things that may help are:
most alcoholics battle depression. In fact, for lots of us our drinking was simply self-medicating things like depression and anxiety. not to mention covering up our self hatred.
Anger is also common. It is nearly as effective in covering up painful feelings as having a drink. It is normal, and the process of recovery will help you resolve the fear, anger, doubt and insecurity that is part and parcel of every alcoholic's life. anger is all about fear, and recovery is all about love (the only antidote to fear).
If you have a Big Book, I recommend reading the Promises on pages 83-84....every morning.
I also recommend finding a sponsor and doing the Steps as quickly as possible. They are designed to address everything that you were "whining" about. We are tend to whine, blame and complain. Goes with the territory. Recovery offers a different way to see things. All of this is based on my own personal experience.
When I'm asked how long one should wait to start on the steps, my reply is always the same: "how long do you want to continue being miserable."
Hang in there. It really does get better. I'm celebrating 15 years of sobriety today, and I swear that every single year I get more happy, joyous and free.
Keep coming.
blessings
zenbear
As we often hear in AA...."the good news is that we are able to feel our feelings again, and the bad new is that we are able to feel our feelings again." <G>
The first step, and principle, is honesty...and I'm hearing you doing that with courage. A few things that may help are:
most alcoholics battle depression. In fact, for lots of us our drinking was simply self-medicating things like depression and anxiety. not to mention covering up our self hatred.
Anger is also common. It is nearly as effective in covering up painful feelings as having a drink. It is normal, and the process of recovery will help you resolve the fear, anger, doubt and insecurity that is part and parcel of every alcoholic's life. anger is all about fear, and recovery is all about love (the only antidote to fear).
If you have a Big Book, I recommend reading the Promises on pages 83-84....every morning.
I also recommend finding a sponsor and doing the Steps as quickly as possible. They are designed to address everything that you were "whining" about. We are tend to whine, blame and complain. Goes with the territory. Recovery offers a different way to see things. All of this is based on my own personal experience.
When I'm asked how long one should wait to start on the steps, my reply is always the same: "how long do you want to continue being miserable."
Hang in there. It really does get better. I'm celebrating 15 years of sobriety today, and I swear that every single year I get more happy, joyous and free.
Keep coming.
blessings
zenbear
Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Brussels (from Ireland)
Posts: 221
WOW - congratultionas Zenbear on the big 15!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You're an absolute inspiration to the rest of us!!
And thank you for your words of wisdom which really ring true with me especially what you said about our emotions...
Big hugs to Atlas - you should be really proud of yourself for reaching 28 days!!!
And thanks for all the great posts and words of widsom above from friends like Wichitaks, Least and Kimber 
.
Almath
You're an absolute inspiration to the rest of us!!
And thank you for your words of wisdom which really ring true with me especially what you said about our emotions...
Big hugs to Atlas - you should be really proud of yourself for reaching 28 days!!!
And thanks for all the great posts and words of widsom above from friends like Wichitaks, Least and Kimber . Almath
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
hey Atlas! Whine away - you deserve it! You're here, you're sober and you're doing all the right stuff, so give yourself credit for that. Remember where you were 4 weeks ago! If someone had told you a month ago that you would be sober and facing your feelings today, would you have believed it? 
Hope you're feeling a little better this morning - nothing like a little sleep and a new day to put things in perspective. But if you find that you start feeling depressed and it seems to be getting worse, talk to someone. It's just not worth losing your sobriety when there are other ways to deal with it!!:ghug3
Hang in there - you really are doing great!
Hope you're feeling a little better this morning - nothing like a little sleep and a new day to put things in perspective. But if you find that you start feeling depressed and it seems to be getting worse, talk to someone. It's just not worth losing your sobriety when there are other ways to deal with it!!:ghug3
Hang in there - you really are doing great!
Awakening...
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: in the present
Posts: 1,125
Vent away Atlas. Heck, at 6 months I still have days like that. It's like all these feelings are coming alive, raw and exposed. I attribute my gift of sobriety to my daily dose of serenity.
Zenbear, 15 years, coolios!
Zenbear, 15 years, coolios!
New Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Nashville, TN
Posts: 162
Impurrfect-- thank you, & frustration was the exact emotion that was consuming me last night. I can't stand those moments when I feel a lack of control & that's exactly what this process is about--giving everything up. I feel like I am generally a very open & accepting person, but when this otherside of me (in my mind) takes over it puts me in such a rut & whirls me in a 360. Thank god for venting & the clarity&peace that can come--I'd go mad too if I had to bottle it up--probably wouldn't sell too well either
Ha I felt SO angry at the time, but it did pass. I got some decent sleep coupled with weird but non disturbing dreams. & there's an AA catfish fry today & an AA flood relief party tonight. I may just have to go see prince of persia too--I'm excited about this movie, I enjoyed the sands of time video game & jake's not too bad on the eyes either, but strange to imagine him in an action movie, I still think of donnie darko when I see him...haha
Thanks Mark Anything!!
haha my mom was quick to remind me of how happy I have been lately...how hopeful & between me letting it out in front of her about how angry I was feeling she asked "are you drinking? are you out there partying?" I said "no", & she said "well there you have it, there are plans for you and these thoughts & feelings you are having simply want to rob you & put up back in your numb state so you are unable to get to the point of being a potentially great influence through shared experience"--that's the jist of what she said, def not verbatim
Live at the Murat is awesome!! Sounds like an awesome weekend, I wish my dad was an outdoors type (severe allergies), never grew up camping--trying to make up for it now!
Zenbear--thanks so much for recommending the promises as a daily reading, I'm really open to any guidance in daily meditation & reflection. I took mark's advice on the AA step thread about googling a step 1 worksheet & plan on doing that today & talking/sharing it with my sponsor ASAP. Couldn't agree more with beginning the steps--I have felt so antsy lately in that respect, I NEED them. I've been going to meetings on a daily basis too, sometimes more than once & different ones. I also picked up a copy of the 12/12, & have begun reading that.
Congratulations!! on 15 years! Wow---GREAT to hear that every year is still more joyous--needed that!
Thanks Almath! Hugs to you too!
Artsoul-- thanks so much & NO I would not have believed it. We've come a long way. I am feeling better & look forward to checking things off the good ole to do list today & eatin some fried catfish if the weather permits--may rain
Wakeup--you're right! raw & exposed, like nerve endings.
Thanks again everyone, Hope you all have a wonderful weekend!
Ha I felt SO angry at the time, but it did pass. I got some decent sleep coupled with weird but non disturbing dreams. & there's an AA catfish fry today & an AA flood relief party tonight. I may just have to go see prince of persia too--I'm excited about this movie, I enjoyed the sands of time video game & jake's not too bad on the eyes either, but strange to imagine him in an action movie, I still think of donnie darko when I see him...haha
Thanks Mark
Anything!! haha my mom was quick to remind me of how happy I have been lately...how hopeful & between me letting it out in front of her about how angry I was feeling she asked "are you drinking? are you out there partying?" I said "no", & she said "well there you have it, there are plans for you and these thoughts & feelings you are having simply want to rob you & put up back in your numb state so you are unable to get to the point of being a potentially great influence through shared experience"--that's the jist of what she said, def not verbatim
Live at the Murat is awesome!! Sounds like an awesome weekend, I wish my dad was an outdoors type (severe allergies), never grew up camping--trying to make up for it now!
Zenbear--thanks so much for recommending the promises as a daily reading, I'm really open to any guidance in daily meditation & reflection. I took mark's advice on the AA step thread about googling a step 1 worksheet & plan on doing that today & talking/sharing it with my sponsor ASAP. Couldn't agree more with beginning the steps--I have felt so antsy lately in that respect, I NEED them. I've been going to meetings on a daily basis too, sometimes more than once & different ones. I also picked up a copy of the 12/12, & have begun reading that.
Congratulations!! on 15 years! Wow---GREAT to hear that every year is still more joyous--needed that!
Thanks Almath! Hugs to you too!
Artsoul--
thanks so much & NO I would not have believed it. We've come a long way. I am feeling better & look forward to checking things off the good ole to do list today & eatin some fried catfish if the weather permits--may rainWakeup--you're right! raw & exposed, like nerve endings.
Thanks again everyone, Hope you all have a wonderful weekend!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
