discouraged
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Shingle Springs, Calif.
Posts: 1
discouraged
My husband has slipped back into the old pattern of drinking. We've been married 46 yrs and most of that time he has been sober. He was active in A.A. until last year when the old pattern of drinking began. He went to a 30 day rehab and was sober for 6/7 months thereafter. The slip now is awful. As they say,"one drink and your are back where you left" only he seems to be worse. I am worried about his health. I mean he is nearing 70 and on several meds. I admit I have not gone to any alanon meetings but do plan on starting. Mostly I am defeated. What can I believe? What can I trust?
Being Silent so I can Hear
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 2,521
Welcome Bratcat! 
You can believe that you cannot control your husband, and that you didn't cause is alcoholism. Also, that you can't cure it.
You can also believe that no matter what happens, you can be okay.
You can believe that you cannot control your husband, and that you didn't cause is alcoholism. Also, that you can't cure it.
You can also believe that no matter what happens, you can be okay.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 566
Welcome, bratkat.
There's a lot of experience on this board and I have gotten a lot of support and help. So glad you found us! I've also gotten a lot of support and help from Alanon, so I'd definitely encourage you to attend some meetings. I totally agree with what StillWaters said, you didn't cause it, you can't control it, you can't cure it.
I'm sorry you're going through this, I hope you keep posting.
posie
There's a lot of experience on this board and I have gotten a lot of support and help. So glad you found us! I've also gotten a lot of support and help from Alanon, so I'd definitely encourage you to attend some meetings. I totally agree with what StillWaters said, you didn't cause it, you can't control it, you can't cure it.
I'm sorry you're going through this, I hope you keep posting.
posie
Member
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: PA
Posts: 985
Hi bratcat,
Welcome, you can believe that this is something that you cannot control - that is between him and his HP.
You can believe in a HP that will help you live day to day.
You can go to Alanon for support, understanding and encouragement. You can get through this.
You can focus on what you can do for yourself.
I hear your discouragement, but it is part of what happens especially in the beginning. It takes time to accept that you have to make and maintain a change in life - it happens with any diagnosis of any chronic condition. What most people forget is that with other illnesses the setbacks dont' seem to cause as much destructiveness - but they do - it just happens where we can't see it. Learning to be supportive and yet letting go of the need to control his choices and focus on self care are your part.
I don't have a long marriage with my husband but he just turned 60, also had 8 months last year and then tanked. He has been struggling ever since. I was told by others in recovery to be supportive but to protect myself in the first year or two b/c he would hurt me again (through relapses). Not everyone relapses but most do. It is part of the learning process.
Hope that helps your understanding and gives some direction.
Welcome, you can believe that this is something that you cannot control - that is between him and his HP.
You can believe in a HP that will help you live day to day.
You can go to Alanon for support, understanding and encouragement. You can get through this.
You can focus on what you can do for yourself.
I hear your discouragement, but it is part of what happens especially in the beginning. It takes time to accept that you have to make and maintain a change in life - it happens with any diagnosis of any chronic condition. What most people forget is that with other illnesses the setbacks dont' seem to cause as much destructiveness - but they do - it just happens where we can't see it. Learning to be supportive and yet letting go of the need to control his choices and focus on self care are your part.
I don't have a long marriage with my husband but he just turned 60, also had 8 months last year and then tanked. He has been struggling ever since. I was told by others in recovery to be supportive but to protect myself in the first year or two b/c he would hurt me again (through relapses). Not everyone relapses but most do. It is part of the learning process.
Hope that helps your understanding and gives some direction.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Reality, NJ
Posts: 853
welcome bratcat...i am so happy you found this place. it has helped me many times and i am a stubborn person who goes back and forth with my choices. this place will support you no matter what your choices are. they will love you and most of us have been thru what you are experiencing. keep coming back.
hugs
lulu
hugs
lulu
Persevere, Never give up!
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Stellenbosch, South Africa
Posts: 882
Welcome, I am much the same, my AH who was my boyfriend, i met him when i was 15, he sobered up first time when he was 33 then we married he was clean and sober for 7 years, then 3 years ago he slipped, just right back to step one. i am devastated, we have 2 girls 7 and 9. lucky for me he drinks in secret, pretends we all dont know, but i do, i even emptied some of his bottles (okay not the full lot, also i was told here to stop, i did!) but it just doesnt help the pain, I pray every day to HP to help break the chain, so he can come back, he has never done AA or rehab, he went cold turkey the first time. His M was an A, but she is recovered. He is now 43 years and has serious health issues, which is so stubborn refuses to see anyone about them. So i just pray some more, he wont drop dead or cost us major hospital fees, as he is hardly working to busy drinking! So welcome again, i have found so much love on this site, just to see what everybody says. Yes there is nothing we can do to stop them.
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