Trying2Fly

I can't sleep; I feel so upset. My stomach is hurting and I was having some bad dream before I woke up. I'm feeling sad, angry, and SO hurt over my mother's latest reactions to my request for boundaries. She said things to me that no mother should ever say to a child--EVER. Hurtful and emotionally abusive and vindictive things. I feel like I'm flashing back to all those times growing up when I had NO say--it was always their way only--and how they would use threats and intimidation to ensure that things stayed that way. I feel that old feeling of being powerless, and that anger over the powerlessness. My therapist was exactly right when he suggested that they were not going to let "their last lifeline to the rest of the family" go willingly. I feel like I've not only lost my AS, but I've lost my parents as well, and that I am in the wrong for doing this. This 100 % sucks. Feeling very down right now. Need your thoughts. Trying to think of ways to get back to sleep.

bookwyrm

When I felt like this - restless, upset and unable to sleep - I got my journal out and wrote it all down. I wasn't sleeping anyway! Getting it all on paper helped me over the rush of feelings. Cathatirc in a way and it really helped me!

dollydo

Many parents never turn their power over to their children. This creates a circumstance where the children are always treated as such....children....never as an equal....never as an adult, whose views and decisions are treated with respect. Everthing must be processed and approved by the hierarcy, the parent(s).

In that situation, you will also see that as adults the siblings never really have a close relationship as, everything has to be discussed and run by the parents. It is not a one to one direct relationship, it is a filtered one.

Your parents are not going to like you making your own decisions, they are going to fight tooth and nail to keep the power, the control.

This is a learning process for you and them, stick to your guns, you will be fine, you will emerge a stronger happier person.

Tonight is another night, get some rest.

Dolly

Trying2Fly

Feeling a bit better this morning (things always seem worse in the middle of the night). I've come to this realization--I have said what I needed to say in a calm and rational manner. They know how I feel, even if they're not willing to acknowledge that. The ball is in their court now.

tjp613

I have a couple of observations of my own situation to share. I haven't talked to my A-Son in 11 days which is a record. So I'm staying strong with my boundaries and there is more peace in my life now.

As each day passes I see how valuable that peace is. Yes, I am heartbroken that I am estranged from my son BUT I am heartbroken no matter what...with him or without him. At least without him I have more serenity in my life. Although I carry this terrible sadness it is MUCH more bearable without all the chaos that comes with daily contact and/or trying to fix the situation.

Stick to your boundaries. Get through this tough part and give serenity a chance to do its magic. See if you don't feel 10x better in a couple of weeks.

If your mother is making you feel like such crap, don't freakin' talk to her! (Grrrr!!) Doesn't sound like she'll EVER be able to discuss it in a calm and rational manner but if she does, it will be because of the boundaries YOU set in place.

Carol Star

Can you go no contact?