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Just Breath...

Old 05-26-2010, 06:37 PM
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Exclamation Just Breath...

Ok I am kind of freaking out now. I am trying to stay occupied but I feel very anxious and paranoid. My washing machine and TV broke today, I know drinking wont fix them, but it would make me feel better but I am not going to do that.

My license is suspended I found out yesterday b/c I forgot to pay 1 speeding ticket, that had a late fee and not its suspended. I have only been driving to meetings.

I feel like now I am trying to get everything together and haven't drank in 3 days and now everything is falling apart, literally.

Thank God I have this computer or I would really be freaking out, cant drive, no tv, cant do laundry, have no job b/c I quit when i was finishing out my "bottom" I used to be the "bread winner" and hold everything together.

My husband has been doing that for a while now since I got really messed up, now Im trying to fix things and they seem worse then ever.

I am not going to drink though I really want to. NOW!

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Old 05-26-2010, 06:45 PM
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Just try to focus on today and know that you can't fix everything at once.

It will take time and patience, so just do what you can.
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Old 05-26-2010, 06:53 PM
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I live on a fixed income so I've had to become very adept at prioritizing what needs to be done and what can wait.

Like Anna says it sometimes takes time and patience but think about the things you can be grateful for and you can make it through clean and sober...

Call those AA numbers if you're struggling - and keep posting
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Old 05-26-2010, 07:17 PM
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You are not alone. Stay sober and clean up your room. Keep posting and read forums.

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Old 05-26-2010, 07:32 PM
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Scars,Souvineers we never lose
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Thanks guys, things are just so hard all the sudden. Quitting my job in this economy in my specialized field was REALLY stupid.

I never had to worry about $ before but that was thanks to the fact I had always worked so hard to get it and did well (not bragging just trying to make a point) but since I quit my job well a while before that i stopped paying attention to bills etc and let my poor husband start to deal with , well everything and that was my area being the business person in the house, and he did his best and it wasn't hard when I was working b/c we weren't rich by far but when there was a bill to be paid he simply paid it. Now that I have had no income for some time, and haven't exactly been 100% on the job reach like I should have been, b/c i am taking the time for my recovery (now) but before I was just getting wasted.

I am sure this is no new story I am just seeing all the wreckage I have created with my life by simply ignoring all aspects of it except getting drunk and high I am astounded and how quickly things got as bad as they did and now things are literally falling apart and I cant just pay to fix them.

1 second at a time here, in the long run, this all happened for a reason, I am doing my best right now and everything is going to be Ok and better then ever for my family when I am further into recovery and start working out the kinks of my life and finding my happiness and dealing with all this additional crap in the meantime wont seem as heavy. Its just life it goes on, it will be OK I will be ok actually myself, my husband (if he makes it through this which i dont know how or why he has stayed with me this long all the horrible things I did to him and the way I treated him when messed up I dont know why, well I know he loves me and married me and has no intention of leaving me, I am grateful and in the long run my daughter will reap the benefits of this as well.

She will NOT have the life I had growing up and she will not be sitting here at 33 trying to fix the mess she made with her life but if she is I hope at least she is fixing it and here on SR

ARRGGHHHHHH, its OK, this will not make me drink, there's no way, I just pray i can stay this strong and fee the same if things go to crap around here in a few weeks or something but by then ill be further into AA have AA friends and a sponsor and still have my SR oh and God to b/c we will also be much stronger and have a relationship back by then as well.

Damn i have a lot of good things going for me Really!

Thanks Friends!
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Old 05-26-2010, 07:40 PM
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hugs hang in their, sorry stuff is so hard right now.. hugs
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Old 05-26-2010, 07:54 PM
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Thanks its not that bad just finishing up nightly daughter routine, food, bath this that then I get a break! Thats what i need.

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Old 05-26-2010, 09:20 PM
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I just finished up the nightly routine too and enjoying my break Good for you for recognizing all the great things in your life. Your daughter will definitely benefit and so will you and your husband. It's sooo worth it!
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Old 05-26-2010, 10:26 PM
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Thanks Seek, Wheh its hard right now b/c I feel like I need to hurry and fix everything for all the times I was so messed up, luckily I never jeopardized myy daughter by not providing for her, I always did my "job" but sadly thats what it felt like (not all the time) and I am in sucha rush to fix myselg so I can make up for lost time w/ her but being on day 3 of no alcohol (usually the hardest for me) and tapering on opiates to QUIT 100% it is VERY hard to do this routine w/out frustration, or something if she isnt 100% an angel and sheis but shes also 3 and 1/2 and I am sure you know what I mean so basically its impossible w/out feeling frustration or something during that time, but I know I am doing this for her, it will pass and then these times will be easiier for me to ge through without that anxiety and frustration.
Thanks a lot it hels when other moms understand. Tomorrow is my 3rd AA meeting (lovng it so far) and my first Womans only meeting and all the woman from both of the other 2 meetings said its the best so I cant wait and I pray I find my sponsor )at least a temp one) there to start the steps b/c I have a lot of work to do.
Thanks!
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Old 05-27-2010, 05:21 AM
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Ironically, a great solution is in your thread title. Just Breathe...

Have you tried meditation? It has had a profound impact on my recovery and my serenity.
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