SomeoneSomwhere

I am on day 5 today and I really want to drink
First of all I just want to drink because I’m an alcoholic and I enjoy drinking way too much and I’m addicted and craving it.

Second of all I am freking pissed the hell off. My idiot step dad decided to go out and buy a 300 dollar video game system when we can barely afford rent. IT’S THE END OF THE FREKIN MONTH. I help pay their rent and he’s buying a freking xbox? SERIOUSLY. ARE YOU KIDDING?!
Okay it’s his money blah blah blah but um … that’s just really f’d up because I do pay part of the rent and my Mom comes to me and is like “Can’t you just put in a little extra this month? “ and it’s like uh why should I? I’m not the adult here… like okay they let me live with them so I understand paying part of the rent now that I’m 21 and they need the help but it just pisses me the f*** of f that he’s so irresponsible and yet I’m the one being seen as a b**** for pointing it out.
I’m angry and upset and sad and this creepy kid is seriously stalking me that I met at a bar (oh lovely right) and basically I just want a drink.

least

There's nothing so bad that alcohol can't make it worse.

Anna

You can get through this.

Focus on your recovery. Maybe you can plan a way to get a place of your own.

Dee74

hey again SS.

You know how I always say nothing changes if nothing changes?

I've been there - the real problem for you right now is not your stepdad....

SS, you can splash around lurching from crisis to crisis, or you can do something - hit a meeting, get a sponsor, go into treatment....

the choice is yours, y'know?
D

Dream2bClean

That would really be frustrating, but its probably good your not drinking and you have all that extra cash you normally would have spent to pitch in a little more so that your all not out on your butts, there should be some sense of pride there

<3 Dream

justjo

Well, yeah, you are an adult here right?? 21? Youre annoyed because he went and bought something you all cant afford. Can you afford the booze aswell?? Maybe that money could go into you looking for your own adult place. I know this isnt what you want to hear, but seriously, some of us love to blame others for our own problems. Its easy to say - Id rather have a drink and drown our sorrows, (heck yeah Ive done that) but would it be nicer to wake up in the morning and be ok with ourselves, for a change. To just except that today I can make it better instead of feeling worse. Why keep on punishing ourselves, what does that achieve?

SomeoneSomwhere

I've tried to reply to this like three times and my computer sucks so it hasn't let me so I'm going to paraphrase because I don't want to rewrite it again

I didn't drink

I could afford to move out of house w/ friends but dont have any to move in/out with. but i do NOT NOT NOT have first/last months rent for a place on my own. no chance in hell and yeah that probably went to booze

It is def very easy to blame my desire to drink on the issues outside my life, thats a lot easier than admitting i want alcohol just because m an alcoholic. there are better ways to deal with issues and using alcohol only adds another problem.

these mood swings are just killing me. i go from crying to screaming, from wanting nothing to do with anyone to wanting to punch everyone in the fact, its like sad, "happy", angry, numb etc etc. For the past few months I've just been numbing it all out so this is weird.

pinkgurl87

You can do this... hang in their. hugs <3

SomeoneSomwhere

Had a beer and two mixed drinks tonight then I stopped. I didn't get drunk, I didn't even get buzzed. I was offered more after the three drinks I had (which were spaced out btw...) and I rejected them...

So I wasn't drunk but I did drink. I'm not sure what to think right now.

lauraandersen4

I think you don't want it bad enough yet... been there.

Dee74

You remind me of me SS - everyone warned me that it could get worse and I laughed at them - how much worse did they think my life could be?

well, I found out. I really hope you don't have to.

D

wichitaks

Im in the same boat with ya, Im not really sure if I want it bad enough yet. Of course I know how I'll feel after I drink so for the moment thats what is keeping me from drinking. As of right now being sober on a Friday night is a pretty big accomplishment for me so Im obviously by no means anywhere near where I want to be but I guess its a start

Kmber2010

How are you doing SS??? Been thinking about you and trying to play catch up with these posts. Sorry to hear you drank the other night. I know too well how hard getting sober can be and how much harder staying sober can be but I am doing it and so many success stories are here so why not go for it and add yours???

Look, you are trying and I can sympathize but not one darn thing in life will really get better for you until you get off the sauce and get strong. I know you can do it and once you are focused and that veil of alcohol is gone....then you can start making the positive changes in your life.

I remember spending tons of $$$$ on booze and not even paying bills sometimes. My life was out of control when I was at the peak of my drinking. Nothing seemed to matter and I saw no way out or easy solution so I drank all the more. Funny thing is the drinking is what cast that gloomy shadow over my life. There was so much to be had and so much wonderful things to enjoy but I couldn't see it because my alcoholic mind had me so depressed and hell bent on self destruction.

I hope to see you get on the horse again....just dust off and do it. I relapsed and so many others have but we got back up.

Just do it SS!!! It does get better but you gotta hang on with all your might.

All the best.