Where to start?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 12
Where to start?
Hi, I'm new and am looking for help/advice/goodness knows what.
It's 3 days since my last disgraceful performance (getting horrendously drunk by 6pm while out while friends, coming home and arguing with my lovely and long suffering husband) and the one before that was 2 days before that one (falling over, pouring a glass of water over someones head, having to be carried/dragged home).
My husband accepted my latest apology but things have got to the point now where I can't keep apologising. Not only am I wasting my life, I'm wasting his as well and I don't think he will put up with it for very much longer.
With this in mind (along with the other dozen or so reasons I can think of) I have decided to stop drinking. I've made this decision before, only to accept that 'just one glass' or have that 'quick pint', so I'm fairly confident my husband will not be entirely convinced that this is something I yearn for. But it is. It really is.
I've broached the subject of my over-drinking and inability to stop a few times with my husband and don't think it's quite sunk in. I don't want him to feel that he's responsible for watching over me, but neither do I want him to be 'soft' with me (but I obviously do need support to crack this thing).
Does anyone have any advice for me? I was thinking about writing him a very open and honest letter about how bad things are with my drinking and how wretched I feel so that he can have an insight as I think he might just think I'm an idiot rather than an idiot with a problem. I know I should just sit down and talk to him, but I'm scared he'll just say we're over and I'm scared of arguing.
Sorry about the length
It's 3 days since my last disgraceful performance (getting horrendously drunk by 6pm while out while friends, coming home and arguing with my lovely and long suffering husband) and the one before that was 2 days before that one (falling over, pouring a glass of water over someones head, having to be carried/dragged home).
My husband accepted my latest apology but things have got to the point now where I can't keep apologising. Not only am I wasting my life, I'm wasting his as well and I don't think he will put up with it for very much longer.
With this in mind (along with the other dozen or so reasons I can think of) I have decided to stop drinking. I've made this decision before, only to accept that 'just one glass' or have that 'quick pint', so I'm fairly confident my husband will not be entirely convinced that this is something I yearn for. But it is. It really is.
I've broached the subject of my over-drinking and inability to stop a few times with my husband and don't think it's quite sunk in. I don't want him to feel that he's responsible for watching over me, but neither do I want him to be 'soft' with me (but I obviously do need support to crack this thing).
Does anyone have any advice for me? I was thinking about writing him a very open and honest letter about how bad things are with my drinking and how wretched I feel so that he can have an insight as I think he might just think I'm an idiot rather than an idiot with a problem. I know I should just sit down and talk to him, but I'm scared he'll just say we're over and I'm scared of arguing.
Sorry about the length
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,780
Welcome to SR's recovery family.
It will be hard to convince anyone that you mean to quit for good this time, but if you stick with it your behavior will show them that you are serious about living sober.
It will be hard to convince anyone that you mean to quit for good this time, but if you stick with it your behavior will show them that you are serious about living sober. 
dopeless hope fiend
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Here. Now.
Posts: 1,021
The only way people like us can convince our loved ones of our desire for a new way of life is to show them. We've bullshitted and lied and broken promises for too long by the time we finally get here. The proof will be in the pudding as they say.
Have you thought about going to an AA meeting?
Have you thought about going to an AA meeting?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 12
Thank you least and Augustwest - your replies are very consistent and completely correct. I guess what I'm looking for is a kind of 'stay of execution' so that I have time to prove to my husband that I'm not a complete waste of space. But again, I'm probably just making excuses for my behaviour in a round about way.
I have thought about AA and have looked up meetings in my area. I'm concerned about the religious connotations and worried I won't be able to 'buy in' to the group. More excuses again?
I have thought about AA and have looked up meetings in my area. I'm concerned about the religious connotations and worried I won't be able to 'buy in' to the group. More excuses again?
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
I'm not currently attending AA but have in the past. The great thing about AA is that you can go and just listen to people talk about their stories and how they are staying sober. There are people who have all kinds of religious and NON-religious views and they still find support and help there. You might just want to try a meeting to see if it works for you.
The main thing right now is to put your sobriety first because your relationship with your husband will only get worse if you don't. You may want to find a doctor who specializes in addiction, or even consider rehab if it's possible. You can do this. We've all been through what you're going through.
You're making a good choice to put the alcohol down. Congratulations!:ghug3
The main thing right now is to put your sobriety first because your relationship with your husband will only get worse if you don't. You may want to find a doctor who specializes in addiction, or even consider rehab if it's possible. You can do this. We've all been through what you're going through.
You're making a good choice to put the alcohol down. Congratulations!:ghug3
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Cary, NC
Posts: 715
H2, I shared your concerns with AA and I went to my first meeting just to meet other recovering alcoholics. To my surprise, God was rarely mentioned and everyone was incredibly welcoming and supportive. Different AA meetings will have different people but most everyone will understand what you're going through and that alone makes a huge difference.
Welcome to SR
Welcome to SR
dopeless hope fiend
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Here. Now.
Posts: 1,021
AA itself is a spiritual, NOT religious program. There are certainly christians in AA, as well as buddhists, muslims, atheists, agnostics, jews, etc.. etc...
I wouldn't let that stop me. The "God" in the program is a God of your understanding, not anyone elses and certainly not the christian god unless that's what you choose.
I wouldn't let that stop me. The "God" in the program is a God of your understanding, not anyone elses and certainly not the christian god unless that's what you choose.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 4,682
I DO go to AA and have worked the steps...you can recover too!
As for religious...its not a religious program it is a spiritual program, if you are anything like i was before i went those two words mean the same thing but actually they are very far apart...
The steps are to provoke a spiritual awakening which basically means you change for the better and get a life of freedom and joy instead of the one being a slave to the bottle...
I highly recommend either rining the contact number or going to a meeting...it'll kill 2 birds with 1 stone...you will be getting the help you need and also this will be quite a clear signal to your close ones that this is avery serious problem for you...
Good luck!
Oh yeah and at the meetings you will meet people like you and wont feel so alone, they have coffee and cakes most nights too:-)
As for religious...its not a religious program it is a spiritual program, if you are anything like i was before i went those two words mean the same thing but actually they are very far apart...
The steps are to provoke a spiritual awakening which basically means you change for the better and get a life of freedom and joy instead of the one being a slave to the bottle...
I highly recommend either rining the contact number or going to a meeting...it'll kill 2 birds with 1 stone...you will be getting the help you need and also this will be quite a clear signal to your close ones that this is avery serious problem for you...
Good luck!
Oh yeah and at the meetings you will meet people like you and wont feel so alone, they have coffee and cakes most nights too:-)
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 12
Thank you all for your very kind and encouraging responses. I'm going to give the AA groups some more thought as I am heartened by the positive nature of your reports.
artsoul - I live on a small island that has no rehab centre and to the best of my knowledge, no specialists in that area. AA may be the only option (apart from here and my husband) that I have for support.
Thank you all again.
artsoul - I live on a small island that has no rehab centre and to the best of my knowledge, no specialists in that area. AA may be the only option (apart from here and my husband) that I have for support.
Thank you all again.
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