My Sister
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Here's me. but when drinking could be found in doorways!
Posts: 1,138
My Sister
I hope it is ok to post here... i just needed to talk to someone.
I am an alcoholic... I have been clean and sober for over a year now...
I am writing here because I need to talk about my sister... She is 30yrs old... she is an alcoholic and is also anorexic.
She met her husband in the rooms of AA and as soon as they met they stopped going to meetings and spent there time together drinking. The got married 3yrs ago.
In february this year my sisters husband died of liver failure through his alcohol use. Since then my sister has been going down hill. She is drinking still. 3 years ago she went into liver failure and had to be ressusitated... this obviously made no difference as she carried on drinking... she stopped for about 6 months at that time and then started again.
Obviously i understand the compulsion to drink and maybe its a bitter twist of fate that i am in the position now that i put many people through when i drank... and i know that only she can make the decision to stop but its really hard to watch what she is doing for herself.
She ignores any form of help anyone offers her... yesterday she had an appointment with the gastroenterologist and they have discharged her... they say if she doesnt start to eat that she will end up in hospital... she has been to hospital twice in the last few months and all they do is rehydrate her and send her home.
My sister says her liver gamma count is up to a 1000... i dont understand this but she said it is meant to be 25... she said its not great but could be worse... the only way i know of it being worse is that she could be dead.
I know there is nothing i can do for her... i tell her i love her constantly... and she doesnt like it that i wont enable her. My mum lives near my sister and was struggling to cope... she didnt know what to do but i managed to get her to go to an alanon meeting... she is not sure about it but has agreed to give it ago... im glad about this as my mum does need support. I dont live near so cant relly help.
I go to AA meeting and as i say with having alcoholism myself totally understand my sister... but it doesnt help...
I feel so helpless... i just want to shake her.. and i know that might seem hypocritical but i have seen what it did to my life and am trying to change it... i just want to help.
Thankyou for listening... I hope i havent ofended anyone in what i have said or posting here.
I wish you all well on your journey...
I am an alcoholic... I have been clean and sober for over a year now...
I am writing here because I need to talk about my sister... She is 30yrs old... she is an alcoholic and is also anorexic.
She met her husband in the rooms of AA and as soon as they met they stopped going to meetings and spent there time together drinking. The got married 3yrs ago.
In february this year my sisters husband died of liver failure through his alcohol use. Since then my sister has been going down hill. She is drinking still. 3 years ago she went into liver failure and had to be ressusitated... this obviously made no difference as she carried on drinking... she stopped for about 6 months at that time and then started again.
Obviously i understand the compulsion to drink and maybe its a bitter twist of fate that i am in the position now that i put many people through when i drank... and i know that only she can make the decision to stop but its really hard to watch what she is doing for herself.
She ignores any form of help anyone offers her... yesterday she had an appointment with the gastroenterologist and they have discharged her... they say if she doesnt start to eat that she will end up in hospital... she has been to hospital twice in the last few months and all they do is rehydrate her and send her home.
My sister says her liver gamma count is up to a 1000... i dont understand this but she said it is meant to be 25... she said its not great but could be worse... the only way i know of it being worse is that she could be dead.
I know there is nothing i can do for her... i tell her i love her constantly... and she doesnt like it that i wont enable her. My mum lives near my sister and was struggling to cope... she didnt know what to do but i managed to get her to go to an alanon meeting... she is not sure about it but has agreed to give it ago... im glad about this as my mum does need support. I dont live near so cant relly help.
I go to AA meeting and as i say with having alcoholism myself totally understand my sister... but it doesnt help...
I feel so helpless... i just want to shake her.. and i know that might seem hypocritical but i have seen what it did to my life and am trying to change it... i just want to help.
Thankyou for listening... I hope i havent ofended anyone in what i have said or posting here.
I wish you all well on your journey...
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Boston
Posts: 2,936
Hiya Louis, welcome!
I feel so helpless... i just want to shake her.. and i know that might seem hypocritical but i have seen what it did to my life and am trying to change it... i just want to help.
Boy can I relate to that feeling. It can really take you down, that feeling of helplessness, hopelessness: that frustration of watching a person you love destroy themselves.
As I'm sure you know from being in AA the best thing you can do for her as an alcoholic is live your recovered life to the fullest. Maybe if she notices how your life/health has improved and she wants it bad enough she will go back to AA.
For yourself maybe you should try an AlAnon meeting too! Most of us here have found out the hard way that we cannot control our loved ones or their freedom of choice.
However- just as with alcoholism, admitting we have a problem with letting go of control/expectations/knowing what's best, is very different from actually letting all that go and changing ourselves so that we have peace of mind and are not constantly disturbed, depressed, or distracted by the insanity of the alcoholic.
Alanon taught me:
I didn't cause it.
I can't control it.
I can't cure it.
That part was easy to learn! What was hard was truly accepting that, living it, and focusing on my own problems and dreams.
It's great you are not enabling, that was a first step for me too, and finding ways to be with my brothers, to have some kind of relationship if it is possible, that does not involve enabling - especially emotional enabling.
Stick a round and read around here - lots of great stuff in many threads - esp the "Classic Reading" thread in the stickies at the top of the 1st page of this forum.
peace-
b
I feel so helpless... i just want to shake her.. and i know that might seem hypocritical but i have seen what it did to my life and am trying to change it... i just want to help.
Boy can I relate to that feeling. It can really take you down, that feeling of helplessness, hopelessness: that frustration of watching a person you love destroy themselves.
As I'm sure you know from being in AA the best thing you can do for her as an alcoholic is live your recovered life to the fullest. Maybe if she notices how your life/health has improved and she wants it bad enough she will go back to AA.
For yourself maybe you should try an AlAnon meeting too! Most of us here have found out the hard way that we cannot control our loved ones or their freedom of choice.
However- just as with alcoholism, admitting we have a problem with letting go of control/expectations/knowing what's best, is very different from actually letting all that go and changing ourselves so that we have peace of mind and are not constantly disturbed, depressed, or distracted by the insanity of the alcoholic.
Alanon taught me:
I didn't cause it.
I can't control it.
I can't cure it.
That part was easy to learn! What was hard was truly accepting that, living it, and focusing on my own problems and dreams.
It's great you are not enabling, that was a first step for me too, and finding ways to be with my brothers, to have some kind of relationship if it is possible, that does not involve enabling - especially emotional enabling.
Stick a round and read around here - lots of great stuff in many threads - esp the "Classic Reading" thread in the stickies at the top of the 1st page of this forum.
peace-
b
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Alaska
Posts: 2,913
Hi, Louis, congratulations on reaching 1 year!
You are definitely in the right place. I'm sorry that you're going through such a long rough patch with your sister, and am glad that your Mom is thinking about attending Al-Anon meetings. I think Bernadette's suggestion that you might give Al-Anon a try is a good one. Both it and the Friends and Family forum are for friends and family who have been affected by a loved one's drinking. It doesn't matter at all if you are a recovering alcoholic yourself or not, you're welcome and will find support.
Keep reading and posting here.
You are definitely in the right place. I'm sorry that you're going through such a long rough patch with your sister, and am glad that your Mom is thinking about attending Al-Anon meetings. I think Bernadette's suggestion that you might give Al-Anon a try is a good one. Both it and the Friends and Family forum are for friends and family who have been affected by a loved one's drinking. It doesn't matter at all if you are a recovering alcoholic yourself or not, you're welcome and will find support.
Keep reading and posting here.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Here's me. but when drinking could be found in doorways!
Posts: 1,138
Thankyou all for your nice welcome and advice.
I guess i had thought about going to Al anon meeting myself but was alittle scared .. as i had like many been the cause of there anguish... my own fears i guess and guilt.
I will come back and say more about my sister... but i just wanted to thank you for listening and your advice
I guess i had thought about going to Al anon meeting myself but was alittle scared .. as i had like many been the cause of there anguish... my own fears i guess and guilt.
I will come back and say more about my sister... but i just wanted to thank you for listening and your advice
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: FL
Posts: 14,246
Hello louis, I'm glad you decided to drop by.
Congrats for your year of being clean and sober.
It's a family disease, which explains why there are so many like yourself who experience 'both sides' of it. Some refer to your situation as being a double winner---having both the opportunity to change oneself and to also learn how to better manage being a friend or family member of someone else with a problem.
Welcome to FFA and keep coming back.
Congrats for your year of being clean and sober.
It's a family disease, which explains why there are so many like yourself who experience 'both sides' of it. Some refer to your situation as being a double winner---having both the opportunity to change oneself and to also learn how to better manage being a friend or family member of someone else with a problem.
Welcome to FFA and keep coming back.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Louis))) - I also wanted to welcome you to the Friends&Family side. I'm a recovering crack addict, but have loved ones who are addicted to pain pills, alcohol, etc.
As ((Anvil)) pointed out, we can know all about the disease, but being on THIS side...whoa, is it different!!
I can honestly say, I've gotten nothing but compassion and good 'ole ES&H from people in the F&F. There are quite a few of us "double winners"...dealing with BOTH sides of addiction, though I know you don't feel like a "winner" at this point, regarding your sister.
I don't go to al-anon, but it's because I have some good support in my life. Don't worry about going to a meeting..you ARE a loved one of an alcoholic, and believe me....we need support in dealing with this. Our addiction, in no way, prepares us for this, IMO.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
As ((Anvil)) pointed out, we can know all about the disease, but being on THIS side...whoa, is it different!!
I can honestly say, I've gotten nothing but compassion and good 'ole ES&H from people in the F&F. There are quite a few of us "double winners"...dealing with BOTH sides of addiction, though I know you don't feel like a "winner" at this point, regarding your sister.
I don't go to al-anon, but it's because I have some good support in my life. Don't worry about going to a meeting..you ARE a loved one of an alcoholic, and believe me....we need support in dealing with this. Our addiction, in no way, prepares us for this, IMO.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
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