Contact Prevention
Contact Prevention
Sooo after a few dreams of xabf, I've found myself thinking of him more so than I have a while. I just wanted to write here instead of breaking my no contact. Blocking the number works soooo well guys! Really, its quite amazing.
His Birthday is coming up and although he usually forgot mine, I still find myself plotting to take someone else's phone and text happy birthday to him on the day of.
My little contact fantasy starts of as nice ....about how I still do wish him the best and would love to drop a line to say happy birthday, but then I quickly change my mind and think what i should be texting is happy f.ing birthday tweaker. or good friends don't forget birthdays, happy birthday and then he wouldn't know who was actually texting him maybe at first...and that would be fun as I wouldn't respond to the "who is this?".....It's sick and kind of sad that this is where my mind goes on a sunny afternoon.
Funny how you can move on, but even thinking about it still triggers those same emotions (even dreaming stirs up all those intense mixed emotions again). I hope to one day look back and just smile about it all. I would love to never look back at all, now that I think about it.Perhaps I should write a novel and then kill him off, to get rid of all the left over toxicity.
Hmm. I need to work on finding what fulfills me. I think I'm getting bored and reverting a bit...
His Birthday is coming up and although he usually forgot mine, I still find myself plotting to take someone else's phone and text happy birthday to him on the day of.
My little contact fantasy starts of as nice ....about how I still do wish him the best and would love to drop a line to say happy birthday, but then I quickly change my mind and think what i should be texting is happy f.ing birthday tweaker. or good friends don't forget birthdays, happy birthday and then he wouldn't know who was actually texting him maybe at first...and that would be fun as I wouldn't respond to the "who is this?".....It's sick and kind of sad that this is where my mind goes on a sunny afternoon.
Funny how you can move on, but even thinking about it still triggers those same emotions (even dreaming stirs up all those intense mixed emotions again). I hope to one day look back and just smile about it all. I would love to never look back at all, now that I think about it.Perhaps I should write a novel and then kill him off, to get rid of all the left over toxicity.
Hmm. I need to work on finding what fulfills me. I think I'm getting bored and reverting a bit...
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Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 7
I know how you feel. I have an abusive ex-bf; we've been broken up for nearly twelve years now, and I haven't spoken to him in seven. Yet I still think about what I would say to him if HE ever initiated contact. I'm far enough beyond it that even if he's in the same room as me I wouldn't acknowledge him (it's been 3-4 years since that last happened, but for a time we would find ourselves at the same parties now and then), but I'm always worried that he might show up one day and try to talk to me. And sometimes I can get downright obsessive about planning out what I would say to him - it always winds up upsetting me way too much for something that's not likely to happen.
Neither of these guys is worth the mental energy either of us spends on them!
Neither of these guys is worth the mental energy either of us spends on them!
Mary I still got nightmares or dreams about xabf.
Its a way to cleanse the toxic residues.
Honestly its not worth it, take it from me that I see xabf daily due to work. Great people don't do what they do, period. I am FINALLY starting not to care at all about what he does or thinks. Its such a wonderful feeling to realize they are not important or relevant.
Change is the brother of Growth
Its a way to cleanse the toxic residues.
Honestly its not worth it, take it from me that I see xabf daily due to work. Great people don't do what they do, period. I am FINALLY starting not to care at all about what he does or thinks. Its such a wonderful feeling to realize they are not important or relevant.
Change is the brother of Growth
Thanks guys, really solid things to think about. They are definitely not worth the time! And for the day of that really helps to think about, Al.
The whole what-if thinking really does start to go off the deep end, but after being stalked, lied to, etc...its like a self-preserving obsession. You want to be emotionally prepared for that devastation that you're used to. So I can def. relate to that, preparing myself for what to say do for when I run into him next. Because its was always like being blind sided and taken hostage.
Yeah I've had some really symbolic dreams about him in the past, and I really didn't expect to dream about him....he had handcuffs in his ears (he's into piercings *rolls eyes*) and he was sitting in a car. Very symbolic. Nothing but trouble ahead, for you boy. Seriously, how many times does it take to get arrested to wake someone up?
The whole what-if thinking really does start to go off the deep end, but after being stalked, lied to, etc...its like a self-preserving obsession. You want to be emotionally prepared for that devastation that you're used to. So I can def. relate to that, preparing myself for what to say do for when I run into him next. Because its was always like being blind sided and taken hostage.
Yeah I've had some really symbolic dreams about him in the past, and I really didn't expect to dream about him....he had handcuffs in his ears (he's into piercings *rolls eyes*) and he was sitting in a car. Very symbolic. Nothing but trouble ahead, for you boy. Seriously, how many times does it take to get arrested to wake someone up?
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