steph1972

I woke up about 5 am. My husband was asleep in his car. I got ready for work...He came inside about 630....He laid down with our son...woke him up and told him that he is going to kill his ***** mother..(me)....I got my son dressed as quickly as possible and we took the long way to school..I explained to him that dad shouldn't have said the things that he did...I wasn't sure how big of a deal to make of it....By the time I got him to school, he seemed okay. I made him an appointment for counseling though.... When I got to work, I called my husband and told him he needed to be gone by the time I got off work. It was a struggle for an hour or so...But I said either you leave or I go get a restraining order....Doing that to a five year old...Wow...My heart is broken because my son had to hear something so awful....It will never happen in my house again. He's gone and will not come back..

So...This evening I let my son choose what to have for dinner....He chose ice cream....So we bought nearly every topping imaginable and made a huge sundae in one bowl....and watched cartoons while we ate it....That was so much fun....We are having a sleepover in his room tonight. How exciting...

I am getting myself some counseling too....I know I really need it. I'm a mess, but I desperately want to be better.....

Just Breathe1

Wow, that is a horrible thing for him to have said to your son! Sounds like you are doing the right thing, though, and kudos on making it a special night for you and your son. Keep making him and you your priority and you will be fine!

suki44883

Please be careful and I'd go ahead and report what happened to the police and check out getting a TRO in place. He may have just been talking out his azz, but I wouldn't take any chances. To say something like that to a five year old child is not normal. Please keep yourself and your son safe.

smacked

oh my gosh, Steph, that is horrible for both of you. I would follow suki's advice on the police/TRO. Good on you for jumping on the counseling thing. Poor lil son of yours.. keep a close eye on him hun, that had to have been traumatic!!

steph1972

I am going in the morning for the restraining order. My father is coming over to spend the night with us ...just in case anything crazy would happen...

My heart is broken because he had to hear something so awful....Any advice on how much to tell him about alcoholism? Im sure the counselor will have some insight on that issue though... I don't know all the right things to do at this moment...But I've hugged him a million times..and tell him how much I love him.....Thats about all I have in me for today...

dollydo

I have to agree with Suki, please be careful, I wouldn't trust him.

You have done the right thing, your son is your first priorty.

Your dinner was right up my alley....comfort food!

Take care, I know you will be just fine.

Dolly

Pelican

((((Stephanie)))

You are a good mom!

Stick to your plan to follow through with the police. Keep your cell phone with you at all times and do not hesitate to call 911 if he shows up.

Active Alcoholics are capable of extreme behavior.

tjp613

I'm very sorry you're dealing with such horrible abuse, but you sound like a wonderful Mom. You're doing all the right things. Your safety is #1.

naive

good for you for asking him to leave. he crossed a line saying that to your son...and you took appropriate action.

i'm glad that your dad is coming to stay tonight...that's a good move.

just keeping doing "the next right thing"...

sorry you're going thru this...

naive

Jadmack25

Oh Dear Lord. What a mongrel act for anyone to do to a small boy....but his father?????

I hope you are getting the Police and necessary authorities involved, and that he gets one hell of a scare put into him.
Do not trust this gutless creep, at any time or any place, and take every precaution you can against him.

You are in my prayers.

God bless

smacked

Steph, how are things going?

theuncertainty

I'm coming in a bit late on the post and just read everything. OMG! What an absolutely horrid thing for any one to do to a 5 yo much less a father! I'm glad you're getting a restraining order. The one thing I've heard over and over and over, is make sure the police are involved where there is any threat, verbal or otherwise, to your life or your child's. Not only to protect you and your son in the short term, but also in the long run in case things get nasty with custody. Not a happy thought, but necessary sometimes.

My son is 5 yo, too, and I've been trying tell him that Daddy is sick. That alcoholism is an illness that can make people be mean and sick and forget how to be good daddy's and good people in general. His pre-school is big on story-time with puppets or other toys, so I've done a couple small stories with his stuffed animals about a prince with a sick daddy. I need to do it more often...

Wishing you strength and safety.

steph1972

Thank you all for your kind words and support. All went well last night. I slept well having my father here. My son left me sleeping on his floor and he went to the couch...lol....

This morning I went before the judge and got the restraing order. I was embarrassed to be there. Felt really low having to be there doing that. I feel like I should have made better decisions earlier. Anyway, the judge advised that he not get visitation at this point. There will be a court date. I don't know where my husband is...so I told them they would most likely be able to find him at one of the local bars....How sad is that...A 36 year old man.....They will call me after they find him and serve the restraining order..Until then my father is here with us....

This has been a stressful day...But we are about to cook some dinner and play some board games....
Again...thanks everyone....I'm sure I'll be back with more questions or just to vent.....

steph1972

Hey theuncertainty...I like your idea of the puppets...I need to find some ways to try to explain things to him. I thought I would think it over for a day or so...I'm still trying to figure out how much harm was caused by what his father said to him. He asked me on the way home from school why dad was so mad and I told him that its okay to get mad, but that we shouldn't yell at anyone...And that led to a discusion on good manners....lol...He led me off the topic. I will try to talk to him some more after story time tonight....

Trying2Fly

What a terrible thing for him to do to your son. But you are not a terrible mother--you did the best thing you could for your son--and YOU. Hugs and kudos to you for doing something extremely difficult.

And what a good idea to let him choose to eat ice cream for dinner; you created a memory that, after he's grown up, he will look back on with fondness and love.

Wishing you hugs and good thoughts.

CatsPajamas

Steph, during times of anger, violence and craziness and uncertainty in my home, I made sure to talk to the school counselors for my kids and stepkids. I let the counselors know that I wasn't asking them to take sides in any conflict, but I wanted them to know what was going on in our home so they could give our kids some extra attention. If we had a hearing scheduled, I let the counselor know so that he would understand that the kids might be distracted and not giving a test or whatever their full attention.

It really helped us get thru a difficult school year or 2.

hello-kitty

Stay safe Steph! Your baby needs a wonderful mother like you.

You may want to go get that restraining order paperwork and keep it on hand...

tjp613

Bless you. We're here for you, Steph.

Have you looked up a good safety plan? Here's a link for one ... hope you take a minute to read it: http://www.ncall.us/docs/SafetyPlanExample10-06.pdf

BTW, I had to go thru that whole thing, too...only I had to have pictures taken of my bruises. I understand your humiliation. On the flip side of that, I am now a volunteer with a domestic violence shelter and I can tell you that there is NOTHING to be ashamed of whatsoever.... the staff working in those situations are just so VERY glad you're taking steps to protect yourself and your child(ren).

TakingCharge999

The shame belongs to that sad excuse of a man.

Sorry just my feelings.

I was SO GLAD to hear you asked him to leave right away. You are one GREAT mom!