priceyjunk

I'm 50 days dry, and very thankful for all the progress I've made. The 1st couple of weeks was actually easy, but the cravings have become more frequent in the last couple of weeks, probably reflecting my unhealthy psychological attitude, rather than a physical dependance.

I've heard of a 'planned relapse' being mentioned on one of the threads, and I'm abit afraid of being on the verge of 1. what is it? I don't ever want to start drinking again. I've experienced many positive changes to my physical health, appearance, energy levels and psychological health since quittin.g I also know that as an alcoholic, i cannot touch one drink and will never be able to drink in a 'controlled manner', whatever that means. I know that because when ever i get the urge to drink, i get the feeling that 1 bottle of wine wont be enough, which is a ridiculous thought! I also figure that since 1 bottle is gonna get me drunk, then there isnt much point starting.

All that's very well, but recently I've been feeling very tempted to meet up with friends for a drink. I've always been a solitary drinker. so when i was still drinking, i used to do most of my drinking on my own. in groups, I'd drink very little, 2 drinks at most. for some reason, that would feel enough, and i wouldnt need anymore. I guess maybe that makes me feels that public drinking might be 'safer', even though i know it isnt. I've gone as far as making a couple of appointments to meet up with friends knowing i'll probably end up drinking and cancelling at the last minute. I know i dont need to drink to socialise, but i guess i dont think i'm strong enough yet to resist the temptation to order an alcoholic drink, and just socialise with a soft drink.

I've got another couple of events lined up. 1 tomorrow. I will probably blow that one off. The next one is in a months time and will be harder to avoid, but hopefully i'll be stronger by then. I wonder if me putting myself in these situations is a way of me preparing myself for a planned relapse, where i will end up drinking? But I really dont ever want to go back there, i dont want to throw away my sober days and the gains i've made.

any experiences/ knowledge of what a planned relapse is? i want to know my enemy

Saphie

You are doing exactly that. You are planning it. I've done it many times.
It's like you are already giving excuses why and when. Weighing up the pros (it's social - no more than 2) and the cons (you shouldn't, you can't etc.) It's the alcoholic inside all of us and unfortunately they tend to win only too often at such an early stage.
One thing that really is to your advantage: You are telling us about it.
My advise: If you can, please don't go. Make an excuse for that, much more important.

Dream2bClean

It really doesnt sound like a good plan. Do you really think you can just have a couple drinks and not go home and drink more? I wish oyu dont try it to find out. You quit for a reason and 50 days is VERY impressive especially on a 10 time (at least) trier back on day I here and in my entire adult life (except my ENTIRE pregnancy) I have only made it to 30 days 3 times.
Its not easy you did well please dont thow it away.
Good luck!
<3 Dream

Anna

I was a solitary drinker too, at home, alone.

So, I convinced myself that I could drink one or two glasses of wine while out a dinner or a get-together. And, it worked...but invariably the next day, I would out buying a bottle of wine for myself. So, I could manage the two glasses during the 'party' but the notion of stopping at that point was ingrained and I would give in.

smacked

"Relapses" happen in the mind well before they do on the lips. Now that you've caught this one early, how do you think you should change things up so you don't follow through? I always giggle (sorry) when people fear "relapsing" as if it happens TO them instead of because of purposeful action. Anyway..set yourself up to make the choice you hope to, and follow through.

Dee74

Hi pricey

I used to be able to rationalise for the Olympics...the old 'I never drink much when I'm out' line of thinking caught me many a time - either I DID drink a lot anyway, or I did like Anna said, and bought a bottle or 6 home.

There is no concilliation with alcohol for me.
Once I drink all bets are off.

As long as I remember that, I don't need to fear relapse.

I'd also look at why you're thinking this way now pricey - whats the pressure here for you to drink? is it internal, or social?

Knowing that might help too?

You did the right thing posting
D

artsoul

Hi pricey - For me, I have to think about what will happen after I've had that first drink, or 6 or 10 drinks. I'd probably regret it and be hungover and swear to get back on the wagon. So I'd be back where I started from.

OR, more tragically, I might manage (with some difficulty) to have only 3 or 4 and think "hmmm.... that wasn't too bad." When the next occassion arises to just have a few, it would be harder to turn it down. Pretty soon, I'd be looking forward to those opportunities again, and eventually I'd cave, buy a bottle and drink it all at home. And so on..... Again, square one.

Of course, if I don't stop then, things will get much worse and perhaps tragic. That's just something I can't chance.

Thanks for the post. My thoughts are with you.:ghug3

susanlauren

PriceyJunk,
If you don't want to drink again, what plan or program do you have in place to keep from picking up again. Fifty days is a great start, and the old saying is, "You're going to get run over if you just stand there." What are you doing to advance your sober way of life? When I was first getting sober, I had to avoid any situation where alcohol was served so that I wouldn't be tempted to rationalize my way into a drink. After I had some time under my belt, I was ready to try social situations. My advice is to stay away, your sobriety is much too important.
SusanLauren

hendershot

Heard your story many times and did my own versions of that myself. I am not a big book thumper, but I am reminded of this passage from page 31: I find it helpful when I start to play the mental gymnastics required to convince myself that drinking is ok to either stop thinking entirely, stop the process before it gets of the ground, or take it all the way through, not just how drink will make me feel for that moment but how things will go following it. I'd reccomend for where you are at, holding onto sobriety like a cliff face--if you let go, you die--even if you have to white nuckle it some of the time. You will always have support here and in the world.

yeahgr8

I did all that over and over again, would put together some time then get lonely etc and go out again...simply put its because i didnt change anything inside of me so was the same person who had relied on drinking for so long so was obviously going to go back to it eventually...

Go to AA, go to an adiction counselor...whatever it takes...if you have really finished:-)

Ghostly

Thanks for starting this thread Pricey. I read about someone that planned, then did a planned relapse on another site. I would have liked to have missed that thread because it really got me thinking about doin one. I'm not saying I blame the person that started it at all! It is my fault for my weakness, just had never thought about that till I read it.

Mine would be different than what you are going through in that I would pick a weekend and do my typical alone drinking, then plan on stopping Monday. My reason would be simple - I miss drinking and want one more shot.

Even right now I really do believe I could stop come that Monday. However, I am happy to write I think I am past it and really don't want that anymore. I am at 40 + days and don't want to go back to drinking and risk what I've done so far.

I really appreciate a lot of the replys on this thread. Smacked - Your post about relapses not being something that happens to us, rather something we choose is so honest. I needed to read that.

Hendershot - thank you for posting that quote. It is amazing that so many of us use / or have used, so many of the same excuses to rationalize our drinking.

I am past choosing that relapse. Pricey - stay strong and don't give up everything you've done so far. We both know we cannot control our drinking and it would be too much of a risk to choose to.

Norther

Yeah: this sounds like a classic case of cunning, baffling, powerful. Please ditch the "social occasions."

NewMe11109

Are you working on a program of recovery? Can you talk to your sponsor? Can you go to a meeting?

Perhaps you can help another alcoholic who is suffering? Speak at a meeting?

My point is that it is really hard to even think about relapsing when you are actively working on your recovery.

To drink or not is your choice. Just know that 50 days is a great accomplishment and having a drink now isn't going to bring you any happiness.