Kerbcrawler

we have just had our first week apart in maybe 5yrs, its given me/us a chance to reflect on whats important here..were we are at..it was a pleasant week here for myself,home alone peacefull,no crazy 3yr old tearing round the corridors on toy scooters/tractor etc, i didnt really miss her much,though missed the young one more..i think probably the same for a/w about me, we called at the end of each eve, 5 min chat/update..i think both of us are very independant people..who like our own company very much...daughter being the bond..well actually..a new house an garden,we both really like,having previously roughed it,in makeshift rental homes etc,..however,now the house is alive and crazy again..daughter high as a kite..with tales of all the exciting things she got up to..me and wife right back into battleground mode..i worked this morn from 5,am till 3.pm..picked up a shop got home..the house a tip..no dishes washed..i do my usual shout an scream at her for being lazy and not doing anything..now i gotta do dishes walk her dog,..im the one being mean here..she doesent get,like spendin a half hour to clean up means so much..and accuses me of petulance..i hate losin it,on what seems to be such petty things, and later feel bad about it..but i cant get through to her..at the same time..she accuses me of havin no time for my daughter..so really once again..we go through the motions of all this stuff..so much so today,that tempted to crack an have a few beers..jus to chill out..lighten up an hve a bit of fun...sounds crazy i know..but im finding sobriety jus now,becoming so damm serious..and petty things are becoming big deals etc, not to mention..did actually get done by the cops,week before last on a motoring rap..fined the eqiv of $100 bucks..and had to take all my docs in..half of which..i never had..oh an the car had to be towed back..just a whole bunch of things..coming ontop as it were..for now feel ive forgotten how to laugh at things..an not take life so serious..maybe trying to hard,and obsessed with must not drink..is this an early stage of being sober that passes..i come across here a bit wayward an crackers at times..but really as norm an feelin the stress..an tryin to make sense of it all as everyone else...
just ventin..tx for listenin..i know we gotta go our seperate ways,how to do this at the moment,we need to work out...

Kerbcrawler

oh,also ommitted to mention..she is still drinkin..and of course when your having fallouts..its easy for her to ease the greif with a bottle of wine..whilst am havin to get used to a cup of tea... it sucks i know..gonna keep it together try my dammnest..
jus for today...tx for listenin..

Kerbcrawler

i think there is no overnight solution here..longterm plans being the thing..getting financially solvent..through hard work sobriety an effort..trying to be respectfull,and tolerant...i actually think being highly strung out with the non drinking,is a factor also,
you know that way..were everything and everybody..jus seem to annoy the c##p out of you, early stages of withdrawal,alcohol i think..one step at a time is all we can take..
thanks for the support anvil..

FiftyPence

I feel for the difficult situation you're in. If you've recently stopped drinking but the crazy stuff that drinking brings is still happening around you, your stress levels must be off the scales, even if you're not aware of it.

When I decided to stop drinking, at that stage in our lives alcohol was not a problem in our household, and I stopped, mostly because I was on a diet at the time. What I don't get is - the craving to drink left me after about a week. This at the age of 35 after being a heavy drinker since I was 18 or so. I slept better - that's my enduring memory of early sobriety - the lovely sleeps, and no horrid headache the next day, no dragging yourself out of bed with a hangover. I thought to myself at the time, geez, this beats drinking any day.

I will deliberately have a drink once a year, usually around new year and usually good quality champagne, something I love the taste of. I'll have a glass or two and enjoy alcohol like it should be enjoyed - in a social setting, doing something celebratory. I've been able to do this now for five years without feeling a recurring urge to drink.

I probably never developed the fullblown addiction that a true alcoholic gets - a genetic predisposition some people have that means they must abstain from alcohol altogether, like a diabetic must stay away from sugar.

Kerbcrawler

thanks for that 50 pence..good to hear first hand experience,from others who have been in similar,or are in similar siyuations..ive actually been pretty good on the non drinking side,for a couple of weeks,though today/tonight, with things goin off a bit..domestic wise.and of course havin the booze in the house..its been a real temptation..of which im getting through just....im finding workin all the time,and hobbies..then just chillin for a couple of hours before bed,a good way to go, i really wanna hold onto sobriety,no matter what this time..as i can honestly say, its taken about 28 days..to just begin to feel good health again, which for me says a lot about the damage this stuff has been doing,..heck if the wife wants to sedate herself with the wine,an i get peace an no greif thats ok..but i must teach her how to wash dishes..and re,learn how to use that dyson again.... thanks again freind.
good luck in your own predicament..

LaTeeDa

I was going to suggest the same thing. Shouting and screaming and calling her lazy--when she's taking care of a 3-year old all day!!!???--is probably not the best way to get what you want.

L

Pelican

How about this idea:

Pick up rubber gloves and new sponges (with handles too) and invite the 3 year old to help you do dishes. Make it a fun time at the sink with just you and your daughter. This way you are spending time with your daughter and getting the dishes done.

The housework can become a power struggle. Everyday you come home and lose your serenity at the sight of unfinished housework, is another day you give your power away.

Dang, a dyson! Sweet!

Kerbcrawler

thanks again..is right whats said, shoutin and screamin,like some kinda control freak is not on..dont like bein this at all..an like so many others, hate myself after the event..yeah the dysons got more dust on it than the floors...i think its taken early retirement..thanx though..in truth were as bad as each other..for kickin off about things.
just another happy day, in an everyday marital household..
yes pelican, i try to give her little jobs to do,i think its a good way to be,with them to learn, and earn a little pocket money,etc.