He will be served divorce papers early next week
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Reality, NJ
Posts: 853
He will be served divorce papers early next week
and I am having a glass of wine and going out to celebrate. If HP wants to fix him and bring him back, I am open to that but right now I am taking care of me. I will NOT be a doormat anymore.
I wont be put down
I wont be left wondering what he is thinking
I wont have to worry about his drinking and driving
I wont have to worry about how he needs me to be perfect
I wont have to worry about what is or isnt a lie
I wont have to worry about losing my home
I wont have to deal with his mood swings
I wont have to wonder if he loves me
I wont have to wonder if he will be a good father
I wont have to wonder what illegal thing he will do next
I wont have to wonder what is wrong with me that he doesnt want to be intimate
I wont have to wonder if I am good enough
I wont have to question my self worth
I wont have to wonder when the FBI will show up again!
I can have peace.
I pray to God for my salvation but right now AH can go to hell.
Lulu
P.S. I will rid of my beat up honda..I will be driving HIS lexus that I paid for
I wont be put down
I wont be left wondering what he is thinking
I wont have to worry about his drinking and driving
I wont have to worry about how he needs me to be perfect
I wont have to worry about what is or isnt a lie
I wont have to worry about losing my home
I wont have to deal with his mood swings
I wont have to wonder if he loves me
I wont have to wonder if he will be a good father
I wont have to wonder what illegal thing he will do next
I wont have to wonder what is wrong with me that he doesnt want to be intimate
I wont have to wonder if I am good enough
I wont have to question my self worth
I wont have to wonder when the FBI will show up again!
I can have peace.
I pray to God for my salvation but right now AH can go to hell.
Lulu
P.S. I will rid of my beat up honda..I will be driving HIS lexus that I paid for
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,059
are you sure you want him to go to hell?
the key is acceptance.
it's not that he is a bad person or a good person. that's really between him and his HP. who knows what journey his soul must take?
he's merely a person that you don't want to build a life with any longer.
the key is acceptance.
it's not that he is a bad person or a good person. that's really between him and his HP. who knows what journey his soul must take?
he's merely a person that you don't want to build a life with any longer.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Wizard Land Downunder
Posts: 2,615
If you are driving the Lexus you paid out for, then I guess Mr not so smart may think he is in hell.
Maybe a spell in the sort of hell on earth, that so many here have lived in for varying times, will get thru to him that life is what you make it, and he did a yuk job on his.
Get ready for the different sorts of attack from him, in response to you daring to want to leave him....Meanwhile build up your support base here and at Alanon, and know you are on our minds and in our hearts, and prayers.
God bless
Maybe a spell in the sort of hell on earth, that so many here have lived in for varying times, will get thru to him that life is what you make it, and he did a yuk job on his.
Get ready for the different sorts of attack from him, in response to you daring to want to leave him....Meanwhile build up your support base here and at Alanon, and know you are on our minds and in our hearts, and prayers.
God bless
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 1,292
Originally Posted by naive 
are you sure you want him to go to hell?
the key is acceptance.
it's not that he is a bad person or a good person. that's really between him and his HP. who knows what journey his soul must take?
he's merely a person that you don't want to build a life with any longer.
the key is acceptance.
it's not that he is a bad person or a good person. that's really between him and his HP. who knows what journey his soul must take?
he's merely a person that you don't want to build a life with any longer.
Anger is the ONLY way to do this (in my eyes).
Anger motivates, acceptance keeps you wanting
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,888
What an amazing proclamation of you taking back your life!!!
I found standing up for myself in the same way cathartic and motivating at the same time. Commit those vows to paper and hold them sacred. You deserve everyone of them.
For you to actually feel such passion towards freeing yourself from him rather, enough so to wish him to hell, rather than passion to continue the relationship, no matter how futile, IMO is a good thing.
So you tell him where he can go after all the pain and hurt. Thankfully, that decision is not left up to us, right? It would get awefully crowded down there if that were so. (In time those feelings fade).
You enjoy that luxury car, my friend. Roll down the windows and cruuuuise!
BRAVO!!
Alice
I found standing up for myself in the same way cathartic and motivating at the same time. Commit those vows to paper and hold them sacred. You deserve everyone of them.
For you to actually feel such passion towards freeing yourself from him rather, enough so to wish him to hell, rather than passion to continue the relationship, no matter how futile, IMO is a good thing.
So you tell him where he can go after all the pain and hurt. Thankfully, that decision is not left up to us, right? It would get awefully crowded down there if that were so. (In time those feelings fade).
You enjoy that luxury car, my friend. Roll down the windows and cruuuuise!
BRAVO!!
Alice
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Omak WA
Posts: 1,049
Divorce papers will be served....
Hi Lulu, 
I felt exactly the same way you do when I had my second husband served his divorce papers. He had been arrested but got released on his own R. I wouldn't have been so trusting and wasn't & when his probation officer saw me & looked at the list of things he had been doing since he was removed from our home....he laughed in my face & said "Oh he wouldn't do all of those things I am sure." When I left his office I felt like the criminal.
He had several legal papers served against him but they were worthless unless the Sheriff was there to see what he was doing.
I sorta spun my wheels for a while until my counselor told me I just had to stand up to him over the phone when he called. I finally unplugged my phone when I got home from work after talking with my parents.
My neighbors & friends saw him in our neighborhood & even going through the garbage can....it was the night I went to group therapy with other women that had gone through my experience. He also was seen following our daughter's school bus.
I finally decided to move back over the mountains where my older kids lived & got a job there. I waited until school got out because my daughter was in first grade.
I know I am repeating some of what I have written to you before but I just want you to know how I admire you for what you have done for you & your children. They will never forget you getting them safe again.
For quite a while I had a love/hate feeling about my H but knew there never could be a marriage between us ever again. After four years he was allowed to see our daughter if she wanted to see him...I was the supervisor of these visits & would never recommend doing it that way. I could have requested that he hire a CPS worker to supervise the visits but still was thinking more of him & his feelings than myself & how disgusting it was to see him with her.
As I said before, your circumstances are different than mine but even so I am sure you wouldn't want your children driving with their D if he were already drinking.
I will have you in my thoughts & heart this next week. Be Strong for You & your children. I will be sending strong kudos for you.
kelsh
I felt exactly the same way you do when I had my second husband served his divorce papers. He had been arrested but got released on his own R. I wouldn't have been so trusting and wasn't & when his probation officer saw me & looked at the list of things he had been doing since he was removed from our home....he laughed in my face & said "Oh he wouldn't do all of those things I am sure." When I left his office I felt like the criminal.
He had several legal papers served against him but they were worthless unless the Sheriff was there to see what he was doing.
I sorta spun my wheels for a while until my counselor told me I just had to stand up to him over the phone when he called. I finally unplugged my phone when I got home from work after talking with my parents.
My neighbors & friends saw him in our neighborhood & even going through the garbage can....it was the night I went to group therapy with other women that had gone through my experience. He also was seen following our daughter's school bus.
I finally decided to move back over the mountains where my older kids lived & got a job there. I waited until school got out because my daughter was in first grade.
I know I am repeating some of what I have written to you before but I just want you to know how I admire you for what you have done for you & your children. They will never forget you getting them safe again.
For quite a while I had a love/hate feeling about my H but knew there never could be a marriage between us ever again. After four years he was allowed to see our daughter if she wanted to see him...I was the supervisor of these visits & would never recommend doing it that way. I could have requested that he hire a CPS worker to supervise the visits but still was thinking more of him & his feelings than myself & how disgusting it was to see him with her.
As I said before, your circumstances are different than mine but even so I am sure you wouldn't want your children driving with their D if he were already drinking.
I will have you in my thoughts & heart this next week. Be Strong for You & your children. I will be sending strong kudos for you.
kelsh
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 534
I think anger is just fine right now. I wish I would have gotten angry instead of trying to be so zen about it all the time. Now I'm finally at anger, and I'll keep the little anger fire going until I'm where I need to be when I let it go. Anger is a huge motivator to propel ourselves forward toward good living. Maybe not for everyone, but for a lot of us.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: back from the brink
Posts: 457
Good for you! Congrats!
As for wishful thinking about your partner going to hell, I have at times felt the same way. It's normal, so don't guilt about it. It helps you to distance yourself.
Also, I have realized that that "hell" I wished for my X - he is actually living in right here on Earth. It's his self-imposed hell. What goes around, comes around.
As for wishful thinking about your partner going to hell, I have at times felt the same way. It's normal, so don't guilt about it. It helps you to distance yourself.
Also, I have realized that that "hell" I wished for my X - he is actually living in right here on Earth. It's his self-imposed hell. What goes around, comes around.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: littleton, Colorado
Posts: 146
Lulu-
I can feel your energy match mine. I served my STBXRAH April 5th. It is difficult; it is painful and I swing between anger and relief at 160mph at times in my head. I know it is the right thing. Every item on your list resonates with me...isn't it amazing the similarities? It truly is a disease that has commonalities among many people. I see nothing wrong with anger; in fact I had been angry many times over the past 7 years, but it never was "enough" for me to do anything. As in everything-you know in your gut when it is time. You found your time and I applaud you taking back your life to serenity and health. I am doing the same...
I can feel your energy match mine. I served my STBXRAH April 5th. It is difficult; it is painful and I swing between anger and relief at 160mph at times in my head. I know it is the right thing. Every item on your list resonates with me...isn't it amazing the similarities? It truly is a disease that has commonalities among many people. I see nothing wrong with anger; in fact I had been angry many times over the past 7 years, but it never was "enough" for me to do anything. As in everything-you know in your gut when it is time. You found your time and I applaud you taking back your life to serenity and health. I am doing the same...
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
