aah1977

Last week his parents picked him up from the detox facility he checked into and brought him to their house. At first they told him they were going to revoke his bond and send him to jail if he didn't do the 6 month live-in program, but I knew they wouldn't stick to it. He has been clean for 12 days today and boy has there been a change in him. Even bigger than when he came back from rehab last year. If you all remember he had been on a Naltraxone implant since December '08. He was trying to wean off of it and go to shots at the later part of '09. This past December the doctor he was seeing talked him into a different kind of implant and I believe strongly that had everything to do with his severe bout of depression and suicidal thoughts and ultimately him moving out at the beginning of this year. He no longer has the implant and is not getting the shot either. He is totally clean cold turkey. He has been to 1 AA meeting a day since detox and 5 days a week there are local NA meetings he attends so he is pretty much at 2 meetings a day. Tuesday he started his twice monthly addictions group with his therapist and today begins IOP rehab indefinitely. Right now he is staying with his parents and he had an interview with a local Oxford House. They called him and said they would rather take him after a 30 day inpatient program, but said they might reconsider after talking to his counselor and the IOP director. I am praying hard that works out for him because I know living with his controlling father is just WW III in the making. He needs to learn to live on his own and I think being in the company of others working their programs is important. I'm staying out of it though. I know he really wants to get into some kind sober living house and was pretty disappointed by their decision. He had about 10 or 11 months clean before his relapse which was just a few weeks and I do see a desire to make this work.

One thing that I'm noticing and that I'm trying to be very detached from is his genuine remorse for what his addiction has caused and for his desire to stay clean. This is a completely different attitude from what he came home from rehab with in January '09. It was like he wanted everyone to kiss his butt for actually doing it. He never apologized to anyone, he never acknowledged his actions created any issues for anyone but him, and he never took responsibility for his actions. He was clean and going to meetings daily, but I see now that he wasn't actually working the program. I'm not sure what to attribute this too, but I do think not having Naltraxone sitting on his brain receptors 24 hrs a day is allowing "him" to come back in. He is smiling and laughing which I haven't seen in years. The other night he came by to play with our 2 year old son and he said "He is amazing! I can't believe he has been right in front of me all this time and I'm finally able to see him!" I know it is early so I continue to keep my distance. I also remind myself over and over that life is about me and my son because H could change in an instant. It will take a lot of time for me to let him back into our lives and I don't think I will ever let my guard down.

Chino

It's an incredible drug but has it's side effects. It also blocks endogenous endorphins (naturally occurring opiates) so a person wouldn't experience a runner's high. Some people experience dysphoria. At low doses (LDN therapy) it stimulates endorphin production and that's great for all sorts of diseases and disorders, but addiction doctors aim for complete blockage. For some recovering addicts it's like being stuck between a rock and a hard place :-/

aah1977

Oh, wow, that describes something he said to me to a tee. When he had the shots it wasn't as bad, but that implant made him like a zombie. In the beginning I thought it was just a normal part of recovery and dealing with having the opiates out of his system, but he never felt any emotion what so ever. When he went in to get a different implant that lasted 2 months instead of 3 I really saw the changes. I'm glad it is gone now and can only just pray that he finds the strength to stay away on his own.

coffeedrinker

aah, i wish you all the best. i know too well the emotional high of being right out of treatment, or newly clean. it's euphoric. i wish for you, the ability to detach and let him do his work, and you do your own.

peace....