Getting annoyed w/ people who get involved
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Boston, MA (Mattapan) Legit ghetto but I love it
Posts: 174
Getting annoyed w/ people who get involved
So I've spend over 200 dollars in alcohol in the past 19 days. I just checked my online checking account for the month of May. And I just bought another bottle. So basically I suck...
I came home and my parents were sitting in the living room (we have 5 rooms their bedroom, mine/my sisters, the living room, the kitchen and the bathroom) normally my parents are in their bedroom but of course they were in the living room which is where the entrance to our apartment is so I had a handle in my bag and my mom asked me what was in there and I said it was nothing but my wallet/a couple things I need for work and random crap, and she sarcastically replied “Yeah right” and I told her I had a text book from school in there too and she once again replied sarcastically. (What she was asking was if I had alcohol in my bag...without asking that) So I took out that text book that I had in my bag and replied with something like “It's a f******* text book but thanks for believing me” and went to my room and slammed the door like a 14 year old.
I guess I don't really have a right to be pissed at her but I just want her to leave me alone. I was wondering if any of the rest of you experienced this, being pissed at people who try and interfere...IDK. I just don't want to be bothered with this. I took the last two days off work bc I don't feel well and she has been bitching at me bc I've just been spending the time in my room... I don't see why it's such a big deal...I'm not interested in doing anything with anyone so if I want to spend my time off alone, I don't see why she has to bitch at me about it...
I came home and my parents were sitting in the living room (we have 5 rooms their bedroom, mine/my sisters, the living room, the kitchen and the bathroom) normally my parents are in their bedroom but of course they were in the living room which is where the entrance to our apartment is so I had a handle in my bag and my mom asked me what was in there and I said it was nothing but my wallet/a couple things I need for work and random crap, and she sarcastically replied “Yeah right” and I told her I had a text book from school in there too and she once again replied sarcastically. (What she was asking was if I had alcohol in my bag...without asking that) So I took out that text book that I had in my bag and replied with something like “It's a f******* text book but thanks for believing me” and went to my room and slammed the door like a 14 year old.
I guess I don't really have a right to be pissed at her but I just want her to leave me alone. I was wondering if any of the rest of you experienced this, being pissed at people who try and interfere...IDK. I just don't want to be bothered with this. I took the last two days off work bc I don't feel well and she has been bitching at me bc I've just been spending the time in my room... I don't see why it's such a big deal...I'm not interested in doing anything with anyone so if I want to spend my time off alone, I don't see why she has to bitch at me about it...
Last edited by SomeoneSomwhere; 05-19-2010 at 06:27 PM. Reason: typos
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
SS - you're parents are involved because 1) they are your parents and 2) you're living with them. How do you think they feel? You said that you've spent over $200 on alcohol in 19 days and just got another bottle..... and then you say Really??????????
I don't see why it's such a big deal...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Boston, MA (Mattapan) Legit ghetto but I love it
Posts: 174
I pay part of my parents part of rent. If I didn't do that they could not afford their own rent. So although I could probably afford to move out (assuming I spent less on booze...) I wont do that to them...they need that I supply them with
Next stop: real life
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Madison, WI
Posts: 990
One thing I discovered while living at my parents' (as an active alcoholic): their roof, their rules, their prerogative to ask as many irritating questions as they want. If your mom's anything like mine was, she probably feels terrified and helpless and is trying to pry down the walls you've put up around yourself. You're mistaking love for intrusiveness.
My mom finally gave me a choice: get sober or get out. I lived by myself for another year before I finally reached out.
My mom finally gave me a choice: get sober or get out. I lived by myself for another year before I finally reached out.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 261
Probably not the answer you want to hear but you live in your parent's place and you are spending your money on alcohol. I haven't read any of your other posts/threads so I dont know where you are with self-realization of alcoholism. It sounds like you aren't surprised to hear those questions from your parents. Your parents are just worried for you and they are doing what parents do which is worrying. They probably dont know how to address this issue to you and it is normal to do what they are doing.
I understand your frustration with them "butting into your business" but honestly, can you really blame them? As alcoholics, we usually think that we are great at hiding our problems but in reality, everyone around us already knows. Your parents care for you and they just want the best for you. My parents used to always ask if I was drinking and I would easily reply "no, i'm not drinking." I really got sick of them asking me all the time if I was drinking. I think that once you decide to embrace sobriety, you'll see that your parent's "nagging" was really their way of trying to help you.
Alcoholism is cunning and baffling. I am 79 days sober today and it still is cunning and baffling. I dont think that I will ever be cured and I'll be battling alcoholism until the day I die, however, I can win against it 'one day at a time'. By the way, I started out drinking as a way to be more social but during my last binge, I just wanted to trap myself in my apt. and drink by myself. Any alcoholic will tell you that they have been through the same exact thing as you posted, however, the real factor is when you decide enough is enough.
I understand your frustration with them "butting into your business" but honestly, can you really blame them? As alcoholics, we usually think that we are great at hiding our problems but in reality, everyone around us already knows. Your parents care for you and they just want the best for you. My parents used to always ask if I was drinking and I would easily reply "no, i'm not drinking." I really got sick of them asking me all the time if I was drinking. I think that once you decide to embrace sobriety, you'll see that your parent's "nagging" was really their way of trying to help you.
Alcoholism is cunning and baffling. I am 79 days sober today and it still is cunning and baffling. I dont think that I will ever be cured and I'll be battling alcoholism until the day I die, however, I can win against it 'one day at a time'. By the way, I started out drinking as a way to be more social but during my last binge, I just wanted to trap myself in my apt. and drink by myself. Any alcoholic will tell you that they have been through the same exact thing as you posted, however, the real factor is when you decide enough is enough.
Blu**ed Lines...A ClockWork SR
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: AZ
Posts: 2,529
Sounds like you've got some nasty Codie stuff going on. I've been there. My parents enabled an extent otherwise, I would have been on the street. I got to the point that I would basically launder money for my two plus steelie fix. If you're serious about helping yourself, drying out and maybe helping the folks as well; reading the nida site on addiction is a great place to start. Knowledge really is power and for me getting educated finally worked as I'm at about a year now. Best of luck and hope al is otherwise well in Bean Town... Go Screaming Eagles!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
((SS)) remember when you told your mom about your drinking problem? Now you're upset because she's concerned about you?
She's your mom..of COURSE she's worried! So, maybe she's not acting the way you want her to, but what do you expect...her to be fine with you holed up in your room drinking?
I'm sorry..I know this isn't what you want to hear. I'm a recovering crack addict, I have addicts in my life, and I have a now-deceased XABF who smoked himself to death.
People who love you aren't going to be "fine" with watching you slowly kill yourself with alcohol. It just isn't going to happen. Until you've lived on THEIR side of the addiction street, you have no idea how much pain and worry they're going through.
I know when I was active I couldn't see all this...I just wanted to be left alone, do my thing, so I DO understand where you're coming from. You've got a couple of choices, though. Stay where you are and deal with it, or move out. Either way, you're going to hurt your parents, and yourself, as long as you continue drinking. I truly hope you get some help before it's too late.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
She's your mom..of COURSE she's worried! So, maybe she's not acting the way you want her to, but what do you expect...her to be fine with you holed up in your room drinking?
I'm sorry..I know this isn't what you want to hear. I'm a recovering crack addict, I have addicts in my life, and I have a now-deceased XABF who smoked himself to death.
People who love you aren't going to be "fine" with watching you slowly kill yourself with alcohol. It just isn't going to happen. Until you've lived on THEIR side of the addiction street, you have no idea how much pain and worry they're going through.
I know when I was active I couldn't see all this...I just wanted to be left alone, do my thing, so I DO understand where you're coming from. You've got a couple of choices, though. Stay where you are and deal with it, or move out. Either way, you're going to hurt your parents, and yourself, as long as you continue drinking. I truly hope you get some help before it's too late.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,279
I am sure she loves you & is worried about you and wants the best for you. Based on your posts here she has a right to be. I hope you will find some good medical help soon so that you can get off of the booze so your anti depressants can start to work for you.
All of the best,
NB
All of the best,
NB
Originally Posted by SomeoneSomwhere 
I got transported last night after drinking a pint of whiskey and breaking my wrist. .24 on the BAL screening so I don't remember the whole night I wasn't driving and I'm of legal age so I'm not in trouble but they are urging me to get help. They gave me a bunch of pamphlets and stuff but I don't really think I need help. I drink a lot, like every day but that's only because I am trying to numb things out. I have a lot going on and I've been stressed and drinking makes me feel better/care less/forget. I'm not addicted to alcohol and if I was happy then I wouldn't feel the urge to drink. So I just don't think that AA meetings would help me much since they're focused on getting rid of alcohol dependence. Am I correct in thinking this? I have a therapist & I am on anti-depressants but that doesn't change the fact that my life sucks right now (just got my heart broken by the man I've been with for 6 years & my brother died in Iraq 7 months ago) & going to meetings won't change how bad that hurts. It's just frustrating because my parents know I went to the hospital and they are very worried about me and are begging me to go but I just feel like it's not made for someone who isn't an alcoholic and is just using it as a way to destress and forget.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
You spent $200. on alcohol in less than 3 weeks...you had just bought another bottle....and YOU'RE pissed because you had a bottle in your bag and your mother called you on it????
I don't think you can possibly move out of your parents house and live on your own...you couldn't make the rent because you spend all your $$$ on booze....who would clean, cook and do the laundry while you are drunk?....wouldn't you be spending a lot of your rent $$ on booze?
I know you don't want to hear this but you are dependant on your parents, they care about you and want to help you...maybe their methods make you defensive..but YOU dragged them into your problem. be glad that you HAVE parents to help you and care about you. some people do not.
I believe that you are younger woman in school (if I remember correctly)...you are destroying your looks, your health and your body....if you keep up the frantic pace, you are not going to be able to escape your pain, you'll just increase it.
I hope you go into the program you previously talked about...you will find the help you really want...glad that you are back, keep posting.
I don't think you can possibly move out of your parents house and live on your own...you couldn't make the rent because you spend all your $$$ on booze....who would clean, cook and do the laundry while you are drunk?....wouldn't you be spending a lot of your rent $$ on booze?
I know you don't want to hear this but you are dependant on your parents, they care about you and want to help you...maybe their methods make you defensive..but YOU dragged them into your problem. be glad that you HAVE parents to help you and care about you. some people do not.
I believe that you are younger woman in school (if I remember correctly)...you are destroying your looks, your health and your body....if you keep up the frantic pace, you are not going to be able to escape your pain, you'll just increase it.
I hope you go into the program you previously talked about...you will find the help you really want...glad that you are back, keep posting.
A new dawn and new chapter
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Kansas City, Missouri
Posts: 298
I know the feeling. When I was living with the folks and was pretty much a booze hound they would ask me that question "where you going?" And even if I said down to the store to pick something up, and it was something besides alcohol they would give each other that "he's going on a beer run" look. And it would **** me off and get me upset. Is that all they thought of me was some guy who lives in their basement and gets drunk all the time? Which is yeah, that was pretty much all I did but I did take a few day breathers here and there and occasionally left the house to do something else besides go to work or do beer runs or go out drinking.
If you're early into sobriety you're just going to have to deal with the people in your life doubting you like that. But try not to get to worked up over it, their heart and intentions are probably in the right place.
If you're early into sobriety you're just going to have to deal with the people in your life doubting you like that. But try not to get to worked up over it, their heart and intentions are probably in the right place.
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
When I was having problems (different......but in the same vein) with my ex-wife and my family members, I was told to pray FOR them. That was the absolute last thing I wanted to do, especially for my ex-wife. (I reeeeally wanted to stay mad at her for what she'd done)
The anger I was carrying around for them was eating me up though and when it was suggested to me that I'd probably get drunk over that anger, I figured mayyyyyyybe I'd try that prayer thing. I prayed a tiiiiiny bit one day, again a couple days later, then a little more and a little more often over the next week or so. In a pretty short period of time, they didn't really bother me anymore. They might have been trying but it didn't seem to have any effect on me.
I don't know what your spiritual life is like but things like that was proof to me that the answers to my problems weren't in a bottle, weren't in a book, but instead were in my spirituality.
good luck to ya'
The anger I was carrying around for them was eating me up though and when it was suggested to me that I'd probably get drunk over that anger, I figured mayyyyyyybe I'd try that prayer thing. I prayed a tiiiiiny bit one day, again a couple days later, then a little more and a little more often over the next week or so. In a pretty short period of time, they didn't really bother me anymore. They might have been trying but it didn't seem to have any effect on me.
I don't know what your spiritual life is like but things like that was proof to me that the answers to my problems weren't in a bottle, weren't in a book, but instead were in my spirituality.
good luck to ya'
Thriving sober since 12/18/08
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Orlando, FL
Posts: 3,115
I agree, their house, their rules. If you want to kill yourself in private, get your own place. As a new mother, I can't imagine the worry that your mom has been feeling for you. She knows that you're drinking, and can't do anything about it... I'm sure it's a horribly helpless feeling for her to watch you destruct like this.
Move out if you want to have some privacy with your liquor..
Or maybe give sobriety another shot? Then you wouldn't have to worry about meddling parents in your business with it
Move out if you want to have some privacy with your liquor..
Or maybe give sobriety another shot? Then you wouldn't have to worry about meddling parents in your business with it
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Boston, MA (Mattapan) Legit ghetto but I love it
Posts: 174
I know she's just trying to help. I'm actually much smarter than I come across here, especially in this post. It's just that sometimes the way I feel overpowers what I know to be right. And although I know she has every right to be worried/angry/upset, sometimes I just wish that people would just leave me alone and let me do whatever. I guess that would just make it so much easy to justify the typical "I'm doing this to myself, my drinking doesn't affect anyone else" thing.
That sounds really stupid but for the past two weeks I just haven't wanted anything to do with anyone. The only person I can stand to be around is my sister and she's 7 months old. I ignored texts and calls from friends to go out and the only time I really go out is to go to work. I took the past couple days off because I needed a couple mental health days and all ive really done is sit in my room and watch random stuff online. The only time I cam out yesterday was for dinner, which didn't make my Mom very happy.
I don't know what is up with me right now. I'm just so angry. At everyone. I know where the anger is coming from and since that person is ignoring my existence it's a bit difficult to direct that anger at him. I'm just getting really annoyed with the fact that my Mom constantly complains that I don't do anything. I work two jobs and pull off Deans List grades every semester. When she says stuff like that it just really bothers me/ makes me feel useless/like I'm not good enough, like she's never happy. IDK I don't want to continue to sound like a whiney teenager but it gets annoying.
When I have time off I really just like to chill. I have NO INTEREST in going out at all and not enough money to really do anything. Plus ALL social events involve alcohol...(Seriously though all my friends are big drinkers and it's always a part or a bar or a club) and I'd rather drink alone where I can't make an ass of myself, sad but true. But mostly it really is just that I am not at all interested in going out and I got out of school less then a week ago and yet on my days off all my mom does is whine that I don't leave my room and tell me that I need to get out and do something. I don't understand what's so wrong with just relaxing. I just finished being a full time student with a full time job less then a week ago...I just need some time. I'm going to be working 40+ hours a week soon but right now I just want to chill.
I am seeing my shrink today I guess I'll see what she thinks. But she's not going to be very happy that I didn't go to the treatment I was supposed to go to. I'm making a lot of bad decisions right now and I should really change my attitude but I guess being able to see that doesn't make it easy to do.
Anyway you are all right and I'm being pretty stupid and reckless etc and I realize that but... I don't care enough to stop or something. It's seriously like this a**hole completely broke my heart and now it's not functioning. I know a relationship ending doesn't seem like a big deal but he has really really hurt me. A lot. And I don't blame him for my alcoholism at all, that was there before him, I've always liked alcohol a little to much...but all this pain is his fault. But I of course don't have to deal with it the way I choose to. I want to get to a better place but I just can't move on or find closure or remember how to be happy.
I haven't been to a meeting in weeks and haven't left the house besides to work so I'm thinking maybe I should try to go to one tonight even though my attitude sucks.
That sounds really stupid but for the past two weeks I just haven't wanted anything to do with anyone. The only person I can stand to be around is my sister and she's 7 months old. I ignored texts and calls from friends to go out and the only time I really go out is to go to work. I took the past couple days off because I needed a couple mental health days and all ive really done is sit in my room and watch random stuff online. The only time I cam out yesterday was for dinner, which didn't make my Mom very happy.
I don't know what is up with me right now. I'm just so angry. At everyone. I know where the anger is coming from and since that person is ignoring my existence it's a bit difficult to direct that anger at him. I'm just getting really annoyed with the fact that my Mom constantly complains that I don't do anything. I work two jobs and pull off Deans List grades every semester. When she says stuff like that it just really bothers me/ makes me feel useless/like I'm not good enough, like she's never happy. IDK I don't want to continue to sound like a whiney teenager but it gets annoying.
When I have time off I really just like to chill. I have NO INTEREST in going out at all and not enough money to really do anything. Plus ALL social events involve alcohol...(Seriously though all my friends are big drinkers and it's always a part or a bar or a club) and I'd rather drink alone where I can't make an ass of myself, sad but true. But mostly it really is just that I am not at all interested in going out and I got out of school less then a week ago and yet on my days off all my mom does is whine that I don't leave my room and tell me that I need to get out and do something. I don't understand what's so wrong with just relaxing. I just finished being a full time student with a full time job less then a week ago...I just need some time. I'm going to be working 40+ hours a week soon but right now I just want to chill.
I am seeing my shrink today I guess I'll see what she thinks. But she's not going to be very happy that I didn't go to the treatment I was supposed to go to. I'm making a lot of bad decisions right now and I should really change my attitude but I guess being able to see that doesn't make it easy to do.
Anyway you are all right and I'm being pretty stupid and reckless etc and I realize that but... I don't care enough to stop or something. It's seriously like this a**hole completely broke my heart and now it's not functioning. I know a relationship ending doesn't seem like a big deal but he has really really hurt me. A lot. And I don't blame him for my alcoholism at all, that was there before him, I've always liked alcohol a little to much...but all this pain is his fault. But I of course don't have to deal with it the way I choose to. I want to get to a better place but I just can't move on or find closure or remember how to be happy.
I haven't been to a meeting in weeks and haven't left the house besides to work so I'm thinking maybe I should try to go to one tonight even though my attitude sucks.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,777
I would suggest getting your own place and taking responsibility for your own life. If you have a hard time living by their rules and with their 'interference' then move out and be responsible for yourself. If you're on your own, paying your own bills, you can stay in your room as much as you want and no one can say anything about it. If you want to be independent, then move out and take responsibility for yourself.
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