At Risk
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 83
At Risk
Some background: I'm a wife and mother in her mid 40's. 6 months is coming up for me soon (16 days). This is my 2nd time really trying to quit (after admitting I have a problem). This site really helped me stay focused for the first 3 months. I haven't posted much and stopping coming here about 2 months ago. At that time, I felt confident. My cravings were too mild to affect me. I had no problem at social gatherings.
Yesterday, I made a mistake on a project I'm working on. I didn't follow rules that I should have. Everything turned out okay but I made some women very angry. These women have a reputation of overreacting and basically unleashed their fury on me. As an aside, I hate psycho hormonal women who pound people with their rage. Isn't there medication? LOL!
To protect myself from further hostility, I lied about what I did. I said I didn't intend to do it, I just had brain fade for a moment. Truth is that I thought my way was better and didn't consider that breaking the rules could have repercussions. Thankfully, there were none. I was shaken to the core after the incident. I'm a terrible liar so I came out looking like a ditz. I do have to see these women regularly. I did let them know their response was unprofessional and way over the top. I handled it well on the outside but inside I was a mess.
After it happened yesterday, I felt an extremely strong force pulling me to the store to get wine. It was actually frightening. I just wanted something to wipe out the feelings. I was flooded with stress hormones and my brain was on a mission get me balanced again. I was on autopilot. I felt out of control for a couple of hours. I went to the store, picked up a few things and manage to stay away from the liquor aisle but it was hard. I'd have to explain to DH and I couldn't face that. Later, the urge intensified. I didn't care about facing DH and found another excuse to go to the store. The only thing that saved me was something that I remembered reading here. Something like: It's much easier until you pick up that first drink, then it gets really hard. Once I remembered that, memories of how extremely hard it was came flooding back. It was a blessing and I didn't pick up the first drink.
So, I want to thank the person wrote that and everyone who shared their stories and advice. I've managed to stay sober so far but I know I'm at risk. I have been gathering support from friends and taking responsibility for my part. But I'm still raw about the whole thing. I had some wicked nightmares last night. My brain is waiting to pounce on that first sign of weakness.
My question is: How do you all handle emotional upsets now that you don't have alcohol to turn to? This is so minor compared to traumatic incidents that I've experienced but I'm not a let-it-roll-off-your-back person which creates all kinds of anxiety and is possibly the underlying reason why I drank.
Thanks for listening.
Yesterday, I made a mistake on a project I'm working on. I didn't follow rules that I should have. Everything turned out okay but I made some women very angry. These women have a reputation of overreacting and basically unleashed their fury on me. As an aside, I hate psycho hormonal women who pound people with their rage. Isn't there medication? LOL!
To protect myself from further hostility, I lied about what I did. I said I didn't intend to do it, I just had brain fade for a moment. Truth is that I thought my way was better and didn't consider that breaking the rules could have repercussions. Thankfully, there were none. I was shaken to the core after the incident. I'm a terrible liar so I came out looking like a ditz. I do have to see these women regularly. I did let them know their response was unprofessional and way over the top. I handled it well on the outside but inside I was a mess.
After it happened yesterday, I felt an extremely strong force pulling me to the store to get wine. It was actually frightening. I just wanted something to wipe out the feelings. I was flooded with stress hormones and my brain was on a mission get me balanced again. I was on autopilot. I felt out of control for a couple of hours. I went to the store, picked up a few things and manage to stay away from the liquor aisle but it was hard. I'd have to explain to DH and I couldn't face that. Later, the urge intensified. I didn't care about facing DH and found another excuse to go to the store. The only thing that saved me was something that I remembered reading here. Something like: It's much easier until you pick up that first drink, then it gets really hard. Once I remembered that, memories of how extremely hard it was came flooding back. It was a blessing and I didn't pick up the first drink.
So, I want to thank the person wrote that and everyone who shared their stories and advice. I've managed to stay sober so far but I know I'm at risk. I have been gathering support from friends and taking responsibility for my part. But I'm still raw about the whole thing. I had some wicked nightmares last night. My brain is waiting to pounce on that first sign of weakness.
My question is: How do you all handle emotional upsets now that you don't have alcohol to turn to? This is so minor compared to traumatic incidents that I've experienced but I'm not a let-it-roll-off-your-back person which creates all kinds of anxiety and is possibly the underlying reason why I drank.
Thanks for listening.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Lowcountry
Posts: 2,762
Hi Seeker,
You definitely made the healthy choice by not drinking !
And posting here , ...asking for advise , reaching out for help; is also a great choice.
I guess I would remind myself that I have never been , nor will I ever be perfect, when it comes to my work. Or life. I used to suffer from a terminal case of perfectionism ; ....partly because the nature of my work is so detail oriented.
It sounds like you were pretty bothered , not so much about your initial decision , but about having to cover it up. That's something you probably rarely, if ever, have had to do. I have to say to myself in these situations ; ...
" This to, shall pass." And it will for you , I'm sure.
By far, the most important thing today is , you're sober.
Congratulations on your sobriety today!
You definitely made the healthy choice by not drinking !
And posting here , ...asking for advise , reaching out for help; is also a great choice.
I guess I would remind myself that I have never been , nor will I ever be perfect, when it comes to my work. Or life. I used to suffer from a terminal case of perfectionism ; ....partly because the nature of my work is so detail oriented.
It sounds like you were pretty bothered , not so much about your initial decision , but about having to cover it up. That's something you probably rarely, if ever, have had to do. I have to say to myself in these situations ; ...
" This to, shall pass." And it will for you , I'm sure.
By far, the most important thing today is , you're sober.
Congratulations on your sobriety today!
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,759
The serenity prayer comes to mind: Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Puts it in perspective for me anyway.
I also remind myself that no matter how bad things might seem, they would actually be a lot worse if I drank, and so far that's keeping me sober. That, and liking my sober self a lot better than my drinking self.
I'm coming up on six months too and find that my cravings and/or urges to 'get numb' are getting fewer and weaker and are much easier to dismiss. I hope yours do too.
Good for you for resisting the urge to drink. :ghug3
I also remind myself that no matter how bad things might seem, they would actually be a lot worse if I drank, and so far that's keeping me sober. That, and liking my sober self a lot better than my drinking self.
I'm coming up on six months too and find that my cravings and/or urges to 'get numb' are getting fewer and weaker and are much easier to dismiss. I hope yours do too.
Good for you for resisting the urge to drink. :ghug3
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 83
topspin, thank you for the wise words. It's true. I've been feeling more together since I stopped drinking and after that event, I felt fragmented, disconnected, not myself. It reminded me of how I was when I drank.
Least, my Dec 09 buddy! Awesome job on staying sober! Yes, I can stand to be around me now, lol.
coffeenut, you're so right about that concept being tough. I don't feel strong now but I found other ways to decompress and with practice I'm sure I'll get that strength. I was a little resentful that my friends still have the drinking option but that's going away now.
One thing that has really helped me today is to think about where I would be now if I had taken that drink. Yesterday, I got DH's PC working again, helped kids with homework and took care of house things. Today, I made a nice dinner, tucked the kids into bed and went to a yoga class. If I had relapsed, I'd be too caught up in guilt and self-loathing to think about anything else. Life is much better for everyone when I don't drink.
Least, my Dec 09 buddy! Awesome job on staying sober! Yes, I can stand to be around me now, lol.
coffeenut, you're so right about that concept being tough. I don't feel strong now but I found other ways to decompress and with practice I'm sure I'll get that strength. I was a little resentful that my friends still have the drinking option but that's going away now.
One thing that has really helped me today is to think about where I would be now if I had taken that drink. Yesterday, I got DH's PC working again, helped kids with homework and took care of house things. Today, I made a nice dinner, tucked the kids into bed and went to a yoga class. If I had relapsed, I'd be too caught up in guilt and self-loathing to think about anything else. Life is much better for everyone when I don't drink.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 174
Well done for not drinking! You won the battle, that's the important part.
One thing you said: "Life is much better for everyone when I don't drink." makes a lot of sense to me. Just imagine if you had drank...Nothing would have been solved, you would hate yourself and you wouldn't have been able to be such a fantastic person. Booze won't solve anything, it'll just bring you down so much more.
Keep it up seeker, awesome work
One thing you said: "Life is much better for everyone when I don't drink." makes a lot of sense to me. Just imagine if you had drank...Nothing would have been solved, you would hate yourself and you wouldn't have been able to be such a fantastic person. Booze won't solve anything, it'll just bring you down so much more.
Keep it up seeker, awesome work
Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Brussels (from Ireland)
Posts: 221
Dear Seeker7,
As the others have said above very well done for not succumbing under such difficult and pressurising circumstances - you should be really proud of yourself!
I've had a few very shaky moments over the last 100 days and what's kept me from picking up that first drink is a list I've made of some of the horrible and dodgy experiences I've had over the last few years and how far alcohol dragged me down and affected those around me.. I only have to think back to the last 'event' at the beginning of February which still sends shudders down my spine... I also go to the gym regularly now - not to workout alone as I used to do - but in classes (body-pump, etc.) to get the energy and support of the group and it's really benefiting me both physically and mentally. I also love to listen to - and blast from time to time - some great music which always puts me in a better mood and nourishes the soul :-).
You are a real inspiration to me hitting your 6 months in the near future - the best of luck with it!! Hope you're having a great day today and sending you big hugs from a beautiful and sunny Brussels!
Almath
As the others have said above very well done for not succumbing under such difficult and pressurising circumstances - you should be really proud of yourself!
I've had a few very shaky moments over the last 100 days and what's kept me from picking up that first drink is a list I've made of some of the horrible and dodgy experiences I've had over the last few years and how far alcohol dragged me down and affected those around me.. I only have to think back to the last 'event' at the beginning of February which still sends shudders down my spine... I also go to the gym regularly now - not to workout alone as I used to do - but in classes (body-pump, etc.) to get the energy and support of the group and it's really benefiting me both physically and mentally. I also love to listen to - and blast from time to time - some great music which always puts me in a better mood and nourishes the soul :-).
You are a real inspiration to me hitting your 6 months in the near future - the best of luck with it!! Hope you're having a great day today and sending you big hugs from a beautiful and sunny Brussels!
Almath
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 83
Thanks to all who took the time to read. Congratulations on staying sober!
Ronan, I really appreciate your encouraging message!
Almath, thank you for the big hugs! Sunny Brussels sounds lovely. You have inspired me to turn on some music today. Good for you for going to the gym. Keep it up!
Thanks disgrace and Dee! Glad to be back here. Feeling the confidence starting to come back.
Ronan, I really appreciate your encouraging message!
Almath, thank you for the big hugs! Sunny Brussels sounds lovely.
You have inspired me to turn on some music today. Good for you for going to the gym. Keep it up!Thanks disgrace and Dee! Glad to be back here. Feeling the confidence starting to come back.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,526
Hi seeker. Glad you told your story, it helps to remember these times. I am not a let-it-roll-off-your-back person either, and I'm sure that's why I sought shelter in a bottle. It takes awhile, but we finally realize that hiding from our problems, getting numb and not confronting them, keeps us from handling things in a healthy way. Not going to buy liquor was a huge accomplishment. I hope you're very proud of yourself!
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