Blackrose56

I feel stupid that I fell for it again. In October, my ex called to say he'd had enough and he wanted to start fresh and could he come out where I am? He got a plane ticket and said he was ready to stop for good and have our life back. Two days later, he said his daughters were too upset and he couldn't come. I however, figured he wasn't ready and he'd panicked. We have talked every few days since then. And one day he asked me to come back home. Have to admit that it was a bad day for me and I almost considered it. Then I realized that I couldn't give up the good life I had to go live in the crack hotel he is living in and throw away my life. I did that before. The minute I told him I was NOT coming back to live...the calls slowed down. Six weeks ago he called drunk and I said I wouldn't talk to a drunk. Three weeks ago he called and hinted that he was seeing someone. (Since I've left it's been one bimbo after another. He finds drunks and addicts like himself and moves in with them) He claims he's clean and sober but has no clue his sobriety date and told me he was going to a meeting at a time when there are no meetings in the area. And this man has been "getting clean" for 10 years now. (Oh...almost forgot. He failed a drug test; so it's mandatory that he see a counselor and I suspect go to meetings.) After that call; I had enough and with the blessing of my therapist I wrote a long letter and basically told him how I feel. He called Saturday and the first thing out of his mouth is "My girlfriend is pregnant." The call went downhill from there. He's now been seeing this girl six weeks. And when I told him if he has moved on with his life...stop calling me. He said I was overreacting and making a mountain out of a molehill. I guess where I'm going is I am STILL having trouble grasping that the man who loved me when he WAS clean and sober 15 years ago (I've known him most of his life) is NOT the man he is now. That the man I love is GONE!!!! In so many ways I've moved on with my life...but I still keep hoping that some day he'll find sobriety.

FaultyWiring

I'm sorry to hear this and I validate your feelings. Continue to stay strong and keep us posted.

dollydo

He is your ex, let it be. No reason to communicate with him.

If he ever gets his life together, good for him.

Keep moving on with your life.

Kelrunran

It's hard not to reflect on the person we love "before drugs or without being on drugs". I have an AS and he was clean for six months and now relapsed for the past couple of months. We haven't heard from him but it was nice seeing the real him when he wasn't using. He is still my sweet and smart son - when he is not using. It's getting easier for me not to dwell on "what could have been" but geez, it is just so crazy to wonder, sometimes, why he decided to use again!

I can appreciate your wondering too and the challenges with detachment. It really has helped me to attend regular al-anon meetings and get it off my chest. I hope you can put yourself first and find peace. Also, my Higher Power will take care of him now.

coffeedrinker

ooh, what a bunch of sucky phone calls. i hope you can stop answering them. sounds like one kick to your gut after the other.