Hooped

Not a stranger to trying to quit drinking.
Its like a never ending merry go round for me.
Ive been reading and reading on this site for ages and see so many stories that might as well be mine.
So here I am again on a Monday morning filled with regret and shame.
Shakes, dry heaves (nothing left to puke)...you all know the story.
The weekend? What weekend? Its just a blur.....im a mess... and hoping to find some help here......not drinking today...id give anything to just get my life back....anything!
Thanks

Anna

Hi and Welcome!

You don't have to go through another weekend like that!

Bamboozle

Hello, Hooped. Welcome to SR.

yeahgr8

Hi

When i had got to the stage when i was really ready to do comething about it after 20 years of drinking i went to AA...all the other stuff i tried over the 20 years didn't work for me not that i was trying any of it very hard to be honest just flitting from one dry spell to the next...amazing looking back, 20 years...you'd think i would have got it at some point and said wow im unhappy drinking, unhappy when im not id better go and find someone that is living happy sober and ask them how they did it...amazing!

Hooped

Thank you....I can go without drinking for a while but I guess the memory fades of what a nightmare it really is.....then I convince myself it would be nice to have a *few*....and of course lickety-split... Im soon right back to all day drinking......no control at all. It's very ugly. I've destroyed too many things in my life due to drinking but just can't seem to learn my lesson and put it down for good. Lord knows... I want to stop, but I can't.

Ghostly

Hey Hooped. You have come to a great place. Welcome. Are you doing anything different this time to quit? Wish you the best.

HumbleBee

Hello Hooped,

Yep, I know exactly how you feel.

It's the nature of this beast, though - to suck us back in when begin feeling better, over and over and over again.

When I got it in my heart, rather than just my head, that I wanted sobriety more than anything else, the most dramatic changes occurred, but not without some action and effort on my part.

It's totally achievable and worth every ounce of the effort to get it.

You've already begun by reading and posting. Stick around - you're in good company, Hoop.

Hooped

Things just seem so hopeless right now. Just for today ...I won't drink.
It's the same merry go round for me every time though....I get sober....start feeling really good....alive again...then start off slowly having a 'few'....then quickly right back to square one again. Every time it's the same story I've been doing this for 30 years and CANT seem to get off this treadmill...I'm at my wits end about it too, I know there is a better life, I've experienced it but always, always seem to fall back. I guess I should get myself into a meeting....this is insane.

keithj

Hooped,

This is exactly how AA's Big Book describes the mental obsession of alcoholism. 'We are unable, at times, to recall with sufficient force the suffering and humiliation of even a week or month ago. We are without defense against the first drink.'

And it discusses that for people who have reached this point, that unless they can experience an entire psychic change, there is very little hope of recovery.

The 12 Steps are what many have found to bring about that vitally needed psychic change that is the only hope for most alcoholics.

quotes aabb1st

pinkgurl87

Welcome to SR!!!

least

Yes, it does take action on your part. Whether it's going to meetings, getting counseling, or whatever method you choose to get and stay sober, it DOES require effort on your part. You've got to make some changes in your life or you'll be right back at square one every time. I wish you the best in your quest to stay sober. I'm coming up on six months and feel better than I have in a long time. You can too, if you're willing to do the work necessary.

Kjell

I've been told that with a good plan of recovery, you can move mountains, but you've got to bring a shovel.

I'm sober now close to 150 days thanks to the program of AA.

You never have to drink again. Think about that and know its true. Take it easy on yourself, but get to work on your sobriety as soon as possible.

Hooped

I went to my first AA meeting about 25 years ago. Ive been an alcoholic for many years.
I have to stop somehow. I would give anything to be rid of this monster, anything. Guess I should try working the steps because nothing and i mean nothing is working for me. I know I'm not going to drink today that I'm sure of.....but within a week or two it's like I'm a robot on auto-pilot or something....try as i might to stay sober the compulsion to drink takes over, and nothing absolutely nothing stands in the way of that first drink again....I want freedom from this so bad.....I'm hoping to learn from those who have beaten it. I can't seem to get it right and it just seems so hopeless right now. I know I'll feel better in a few days and then it lures me in again and again.

lillyknitting

Hiya, I'm new to this forum but not new to AA, all I can say is if I can do it so can you. It is a mind thing, a spiritual awakening they say but maybe I just finally got sick and tired of feeling sick and tired of ruining my life, waking up in the morning feeling just like you do, destroying my family's life. I have also spent many many years in the grip and pit of the horrors of alcoholism and you need to get lots of help and support from other members and peeps on this forum too, you need to let go of the past and realise that the pleasure of a "couple of drinks" is a total fallacy and that the thrill and the excitement is but a myth - it is your mind telling you it is, there is no excitement. But I can tell you for sure there is definitely excitement in waking up sober and a life of sobriety is the most wonderful feeling in the world. You never need to suffer another hangover again.

Dee74

Welcome hooped

I remember that cycle - you quit - then you feel good - then end up feeling bad again.
The only way I got out was taking action.

I agree with the others that anything you can try is a good idea. Try the steps - what have you got to lose, really?

D

coffeenut

I did it for 30 years too, hooped.

You CAN quit. But, you have to want it more than you want to drink. You have to commit to it. Hard work....you bet....but worth it. So, very worth it.

Welcome to SR.

Recovery1983

I, too, was in this vicious cycle. It was horrible because the next morning I would feel so ashamed and full of guilt. With each relapse the guilt and shame just seemed to be greater. I can really relate to your feeling really good and then ending up in the same situation. For me, I love to work out and by doing this, I feel great. My cycle would be where I would work out for 2-3 weeks straight and not drink then I would start feeling really good about myself. My last relapse would start fading away or I will rationalize that I can drink a little and handle it, however, I always end up in the same place.

This time around, things have changed in my daily routine. I try to go to a meeting every day and during my free time, i'll log on here and read posts. Just like what I am doing right now. Every time I go to a meeting, hearing someone share or even when I share, it is a reminder where alcohol has taken me. Doing these things helps keep that horrible memory in my head so that I dont let that alcoholic mind of mine rationalize me into drinking.

Stay on here and keep reading and posting. By doing this, you are constantly connected with other alcoholics/addicts. In the AA rooms, they call two or more alcoholics sharing their story with each other, a fellowship. Every time i'm on here, I'll notice that after reading a bunch of posts that i'm sort of in an AA meeting. I dont know but stick around and hopefully things will click.

FBL

I was on that same merry-go-round for nearly 30 years. I finally just decided I'd had enough. I did it without any formal "program" other than some understanding friends and family members, along with reading and posting here at SR.

There are several outstanding treatment options out there, but true recovery has to begin with YOU.

artsoul

Welcome Hooped!
Had the same cycle: get through the hangover and it's off to buy more alcohol, somehow thinking that this time things would be different. (More often, I just didn't think at all.) Things didn't get better, though, or even stay the same for very long. It kept getting worse.

I have to remind myself a thousand times a day that I can't drink without consequences and that I want to be sober. I do that by coming here to SR.
I didn't know if it was possible for me to not drink, but so far it's working. You can do it, too. You've taken the first step by admitting your problem and reaching out for help.

rawker

You are not a failure. you drank this weekend, so what? the important thing is now, not the past or future. just concentrate on not drinking TODAY. Live your life one day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute at a time, whatever it takes. just focus on not drinking in the present.