Horselover

Had to share this because it might help someone.

I got a call about 8 pm last night from a girlfriend of mine. She was hysterical. She had found her pregnant goat had incurred a fatal injury and she was beside herself. I got in the car and drove over to her place in my pajamas.

For the first time in 2 years I wanted to drink. I wanted to drink so bad because I wanted to black out the whole incident. It was too gruesome to go into and I won't, but this kind of event shouldn't happen in life and I could find anything good about it.

I came home and I was emotionally drained. My son asked if the babies lived and I had to tell him no. They followed their mama into heaven. It was for the best I told him. I still am emotional over it.

Ok and here's the point of all this. This was the most horrific thing I have been through involving animals and if you know me you know I think very highly of animals. If I could get through that instance without a drink then I believe I can get through anything in life. That may sound extreme, but as I said if you knew me.

Life can throw us all sorts of tragedy at times and sometimes its so large you just have to take a breath and keep going through the motions. Last night I couldn't find any gratitude and I now realize how serious that is. When you can't find gratitude you have entered the "What the f" stage. I might as well drink. It took me awhile this morning, but the gratitude is coming back and that's my first priority. Don't underestimate gratitude folks. It can save your life.

porkchopped

So sorry I hear of your distress and wishing you well- and thank you for the gratitude reminder.

least

I am so sorry for your friend's loss and for the goat herself. I'm an animal lover too and I understand. I too have to remember how grateful I am for my sober life. Being grateful really puts things in perspective. Thank you for the reminder. :ghug3

Horselover

Thanks Least and Porkchopped. Thought maybe I could make "something" positive out of this. Needed to do that for myself as much as anybody. Thanks for responding.

Dee74

I'm sorry for the poor goat, for your friend and for you, Sarah.
That must have been horrible for you.

But you're right - the right thing is simply to do what you can do, or do for someone else - not run away to the bottle.

It sounds simple, even self evident, but it was quite a revelation for me to learn that.

I'm glad you're ok - we're all of us stronger than we think

D

Stang

I know it sucks. Our pets become family to us. I don't know what I will do when I loose my female Lab, Jessie. Got her off death row last August. She means the world to me. Got a male Lab mix today from the rescue where I volunteer to keep her company when I'm at work. He's on a trial basis this week but I'm already getting attached.
Wish your friend and her family the best and congradulations on your time clean!

Hevyn

I remember the first few times I was hit with troubles when I was newly sober. I was in a panic without my crutch - I literally had to learn how to react like a normal person. Nearly all my adult life I tackled problems by getting numb and hiding my head in the sand. I finally realized it was so much better to just feel things, even horrible and sad things - than to try and blot them out.

You proved you were able to face a horrific situation without grabbing a drink. It takes courage & strength to do that, especially when it's been a way of life for so long. No matter how awful last night was, or how much you wanted to blot out what was happening - you didn't. I'm sure you cried and had a sleepless night - made even worse by having to tell your son what happened. The good news is, you faced up to it and made it through - and you were there for a person who desperately needed you to be strong. I sure am proud of you, my friend.

Horselover

Thanks and Hevyn, I don't know what it is with you, but you ALWAYS know what to say. Always! I feel like a dork that I even had those stupid thoughts last night. Wasn't thinking rationally and the addict in me took advantage. Would have hated myself so much had I gave in. I don't know. It took me down quite a few steps and maybe that's where I should be at this moment in my life. I got through it but I'm not there yet. Thought I was, but I am surely not.

Horselover

I am sure some think this thread was grandstanding or something ego like, but I can stake my life on the fact that I was reaching out today. I wasn't going to drink today. That was over, but I still needed to reach out to the people here and maybe that was wrong.

joleah

sorry for your loss proud of you for not drinking

yeahgr8

Thanks for sharing!

Firstly what a horrendous story and i don't even know or really want to know the details! I love animals too! Wow your friend is very lucky to have a friend like you, and even luckier that you are sober...i doubt you would have been much use sloshed...i never was?!

My sponsor said to me once, there will be days in sobriety (you know what i mean by sobriety) that the very best thing you can do that day is not drink...now he is old school AA and rarely says stuff like that...but from what you have said reckon your day might have been one of those...

Really unselfish act and a day to b every proud of IMO:-)

I'm so tempted to comment on people thinking this might be grandstanding or ego but im going to hold my tongue...but it think you would already know my opinion of anyone who thought that;-)

Take care!

coffeenut

While I am very, very sorry for your experience, I'm also very grateful for your thread. Lately I have been thinking how truly fortunate I have been that I haven't had to face anything 'major' in my sobriety. While I feel I am rock solid, I have not had to deal with anything close to what you have.

So....your post/thread has shown me, that when my turn comes....I need to come to SR....just like I always have. You have taken what I have been given in sobriety...and added even more to it. THANK YOU!

I didn't get the grandstanding part, even in the least. From reading your posts over the past couple of years, I truly don't think you're even capable of that. In fact, as I think about it....I took a post that was all about you...and made it all about me. How's that for grandstanding?!

colagirl

Horsie, I'm so proud of you! I'm an animal person to the core so I totally understand that kind of heartbreak.

I find it really helpful to hear stories like this from people with success in sobriety like you have - it helps me remember that while we are always vulnerable, we can also always get through it with the right tools.

Kmber2010

I am so proud of you.

NEOMARXIST

Thanks for posting. Sorry you went through such a horrible experience.

But thankyou for that attitute of gratitude reminder. I totally agree with you regarding that. Once the gratitude goes then so does all of the harmony and serenity. That's when you need to reach out and work to get your gratitude back again. Slowly but surely. You reached out to SR, that's surely what it's there for. You also will have helped others by posting too.

Peace and Love x

vegibean

Horsey, I'm sorry first of all that you went through such an emotional and traumatic experience. I do totally feel for you.

Secondly, the point you made is a great one. I know when I have been so down, stressed, a total mental mess, I drag my state of mind to "ok, what do I have that's good?" And my gratitude for all the good things in my life brings me back. It really does help.

Thanks for sharing with us.

Norther

Sorry for your sad experience. (We have a few sheep and a goat - all pets - so I understand.). And congratulations.

Doodledog

HL: Your friend is lucky to have you by her side. Thanks for all that you do here for us, too.

ddog

Pelican

Thank you for sharing HL!

I am grateful for your openness, and your honesty.
I respect and appreciate your strength in overcoming this tragedy and suffering.
You are allowing yourself to grieve instead of drown this experience. Good on you!

Prayers for peace to you and your friend.

Jomey

Hey S- I'm proud of you. I know how hard that must have been for you to go through. You are strong, and your example is one for all of us to emulate.

What Joanie said!

Love ya,
Jomey