KittyP

A bunch of our friends do a "bad movie night" on Wednesdays mostly at someone's house but occasionally at the cinema so this week we went along. Ironman 2 at the cinema. Most of this group know that my H is an A, so I was actually thinking tonight could be quite relaxing. I arrived late and AH who had arrived ahead of me was already inside as he'd wanted to use the toilet before it started and the toilets are through the ticket area. I met my friends who were waiting with my ticket and as we went in they let me know he was sober.

As soon as I sat down next to him I knew something wasn't right. He seemed a bit off. Halfway through the movie he decides he's going to the bathroom. I was annoyed at this as there is a bar inside and for years he slipped out of movies for a drink. I watched him walk out of the cinema and he was weaving all over. Then instead of turning toward the doors he walked into the screen and stumbled about for a bit for the entertainment of every single person in the audience. He eventually worked out what was wrong, left and came back a few minutes later stinking of booze. After the movie he was loud and slurring.

His friends were baffled by how he had managed to get drunk before the mid-movie bathroom break. I worked out that he made a show of arriving sober, then drank something he had in his bag on his first toilet trip. That obviously left him craving for more. They were incredulous and decided to call him on his drinking as they agreed there was no point in playing along with his fantasy that we were all fooled by his cunning.

One guy took him for coffee and tried to gently let him know that he hadn't fooled anyone while I went for a walk with a couple and calmed down a bit. then we met AH and friend and they reinforced that they weren't fooled either. They even pointed out that when he first got out of rehab he asked them to not pretend when they knew he was drunk. He eventually walked off and got a cab, though as it turned out he'd lost his keys so had to wait outside until I came home, over an hour later. And as licensing laws are strict here he couldn't get any booze. He's asleep in the spare room now.

I've told him that he has til the end of the week to give me a reason to stay. And by a reason to stay I mean actions not empty promises. Otherwise I'm going to stay with my parents who live 3 hours away so he'll have to come stay with them if he wants to see me so he'll be too terrified of my dad to be drunk at their house. Awful as tonight was, I'm glad he is getting to see that his BS won't cut it anymore. And I'm really glad that I don't feel like I have to keep my disappointment under wraps when we are out with people. I'm no longer the sulky cow who the lovely, gregarious man is married to and it's a huge relief.

coffeedrinker

well, as sad as your story is, i kinda felt relief as i got to the end, with your friends supporting you, not having to feel shame and embarrassment, having things out on the table. sounds like something is breaking. but it's always a tragedy when someone cannot stay sober.

Jadmack25

The elephant has left the building, AT LAST.

No more tip toeing around that great mound we called "the elephant, that represented the sh*t, shame, fear, insecurity, anger and grief of being with an alcoholic.

Your AH really did 'come out of the closet' didn't he....I mean, becoming the opening act at the cinema is really letting his cat out of the bag...big time. As for your friends calling him on his behavior...well done for them, as they let him know that his actions were not going to be ignored by others.

You have also told him your cut off point has been reached and what he does is up to him, but you will not be living as you have been anymore.

I wish you the best of God's blessings for your future.

God bless

naive

i'm glad your friends supported you.

i'm wondering what could change this week so that you would stay? even if he, say, starts to go to meetings and sober up, it might be best to not have a first row seat.

why not go to your parents and get a break?

p.s. had to laugh that he took a taxi home but had lost his keys. nice one!

KittyP

It was the best part of the night for me. It was awfully cold out too. Then this morning he had to come to me all humble because he couldn't find his glasses in the bedroom and without them he can't see well enough to find them.

I spoke to his psychologist this morning so she knows exactly what's going on. She's so lovely and smart, it's such a pity that we can't see her any more (because we moved - before that he used to see her 1-1 once a week, as part of a group 3 times a week and I saw her weekly). They have a phone appointment this afternoon which will be their first since we moved. I also let his sister know what's going on and told her I'm probably going to take some time out soon. I think it's only fair to give his family a heads up about that.

Things that might make me stay are if he comes back out of the denial he is in and goes back to facing this head on. As far as I can see he needs to stop drinking with support and after that get specific counselling for the issue which seems to be at the root of his problem. He had started facing things head on, but as soon as he decided he could cope without proper help he screwed himself up. The reason that I'd stay if he comes back out of denial is that I love where we live now, I have more friends here than I do where my family lives, I'm hoping to start a fun(ish) part-time job soon and our dogs have just finally started to settle from the move.

But all that aside if he just keeps drinking and denying it, I am taking a time out. I've arranged with my parents to put me and the dogs up for a while if it comes to it. And I'm also checking out if some of my single 'hippy' friends have any mini-adventures planned so I can tag along with them for a bit. If he makes a real effort I'll stay here because it's what I want, if not I'll go. Either way I'm going to take some sort of break in the near future, just for the hell of it.

KittyP

I'm so glad some of my old friends are just like they were 10 years ago. Some of them are participating in a 10 day bike ride at the end of the month and coincidently my dad got me a bike last week. A plan may be forming.