Jenny1232

I'm stuck in a decision.

Do I contact CPS or not?

She's "lifted" everyday.

She drives without a liscense.

My boyfriend and I left the gym the other day, and we saw her sitting outside of the bar, smoking a cigarette. We saw her child halfway down the sidewalk, and her mother was on the phone. We quickly ran to the car to avoid her. Two minutes later, she called me. I ignored, and she left a voicemail.

SHE WAS SO HIGH. She was so slow and unresponsive. Said she loved and missed me. Prior to this, she was "two days clean, had overdosed, and was going to rehab". That night her status claimed she was "lifted".

Yesterday, her status said, "one day clean". I hear this ALL the time now. It's no doubt in my mind that she's clean because she has no access to the drugs.

She's a HORRIBLE mother... she does feed and bathe her child.. but she really neglects her, and drives around doped up all the time...

Should I report her? No one can tell me what to do, but I'm very tempted. Feedback would be great...

Maybe this is my co-dependent way of trying to help her, because this is eating away at me... I'm becoming obsessed with it.

outonalimb

IMO this is not an issue about codependency or trying to control this woman. Its an issue of this child's safety. And if you think this child is in harms way (and it certainly sounds like she is), I wouldn't hestitate to file a complaint with CPS. You can do it anonymously. You might just save this child's life.

aah1977

I don't think you are helping her you are helping a helpless child. I would do it because if something happens to that child you will probably regret not having done it. I know I would.

Ann

I agree that someone has to be the voice for the child.

I would report it and then just pray that this child gets good care.

I had to do this once, and I don't regret it for a minute.

Hugs

BBD

I, also, would make that call. The poor child is suffering in ways we don't understand. Go ahead~~~~pick up the phone.

Jenny1232

REALLY! Wow, I'm shocked. I thought most people would disagree and say that's cruel.

I know for a fact she drinks and drives.. with the little girl in the back seat. I'm very serious about not drinking and driving.. and there are several times we've left a bar, and she leaves at 1am, to pick her daughter up from her mothers and drives her elsewhere. This little girl is constantly on drug runs, out late, at the hands of dangerous people.. and just being raised by a doped up mother.

She does have grandparents though.. If I report to CPS, do they have the right to take her? I'd hate to screw up the entire family... I just don't think this girl should have her daughter anymore. This little girl is already the devil. She is so undisciplined.. and just a rotten child, at age 3.

BBD

Oh boy~~Sounds like the grandparents are in for a rough time if they do take her but they do have first choice. If for some reason they won't~~foster care will be set up. CPS does like to see children set up with the family first. They come and check out the home where the child will be before handing over custody.....(temp).....She's probably a brat because of the non disciplined way of living that she has become used too. Good luck and keep us posted on this. Its really so sad.

Bernadette

Hi jenny1232, the situation you are describing is extremely unhealthy and dangerous to a child. All of us can see that just from your description. The fact that it is unsettling to you when you think about it or see further evidence of it is very telling. Trust your gut.

My opinion: It is not our responsibility to diagnose other people's problems or decide how they should handle them. But it is our responsibility as the "it takes a village to raise a child" to report unsafe conditions to the proper authorities who are trained to deal with exactly this situation. Regardless of the outcome, it is the right thing to do. That child is in obvious danger.

Good luck-
peace-
b

Jenny1232

Thank you for the feedback.. I'm kind of scared to do it.

I will feel SO bad if she's taken away....

Oh man, this is rough. I don't know what to do. I will talk to my other good friend too.. she wanted to do this a long time ago herself. Her husband offered to do it for us, so we didn't have to live with the guilt...

BBD

There should be no quilt with enabling a child to have a happy life...and a safe one too!

lauren

Being proactive for a child may just break the chain of
dysfunction. A wonderful chance for you to
become involved in her life even for a few short hours,
in a week or a month to show that there is another way of
living and which she more than likely doesn't even knows
exists at this point of her short wee years. It could help
your growth and hers as well.

lauren

outtolunch

What does " lifted" mean?

Sounds like you are more focused on your friend than the " rotten child", which may explain feeling bad/guilt. You avoid her on the street but take her calls and check her status, somewhere, every day. What's up with this?


The 3 year old is not in a position to comprehend the risks or to speak on her own behalf. There is nothing cruel about reporting such a situation to CPS, when your intent is the child's welfare. Absolutely nothing to be sorry for, under these circumstances.

Bernadette

Hey remember we can't control outcomes!
She may get taken away...she may not. Your friend may be forced to wake up and deal w/ her choices...or she may not. You have No control over any of that. It is up to the professionals to decide what to do. But what your gut is telling you is the truth. Protect the child and not the addict.

peace and good luck-
b

coffeedrinker

jenny,

i wholeheartedly agree with all the other posters! i also just wanted to say, that the earlier the department intervenes, the better. she's still very young.

i get why you were confused, because it does feel like you're ratting out the addict, in an attempt to effect an outcome, or get her sober. but, this is a child's very life that is at stake.

i would go so far as to time your call for when she is driving, with a youngster, while under the influence. it's pretty difficult to remove these children, unless it's a dire situation.

peace...

BBD

I agree with you offeedrinker.EVEN GETTING PICKER UP WITHOUT A LICENSE WILL ONLY GET HER A FINE. )sorry) but if she's under the influence they can get her for endangering the welfare of a child.

sofacat

If you were that child, wouldn't you want someone to help you?

I say yes....make the call. Good for you.

Jenny1232

Agreed. That's why I said I feel it's a co-dependency issue here. I ignored her phone call... I just listened to her voicemail, and I never responded to it. I do see her facebook statuses, but we don't talk. I would say I am consumed by this...

Jenny1232

So with some advice from outside SR.. some people say getting CPS involved will make it WORSE...

that sometimes they don't "follow" through, and it can be harder on the child. Has anyone ever dealt with CPS before to know??

Seren

Hi Jenny.......I'm sorry that you find yourself faced with this decision. But before you decide whether or not to do anything, I would ask you to read through some of the threads in the Adult Children of Alcoholics/Addicts to learn how this sort of life affects people into their adult years--people who did not have anyone who cared enough to make that hard decision to intervene when they were just children. It may bring some clarity to your situation.

Hugs to you, HG

Jenny1232

Oh, and "lifted" is her way of saying she's high on dope (heroin).