What do I do?
Sobriety saved my life.
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Sonoma Valley, CA
Posts: 55
What do I do?
Hi, this is my first post. I just need to write down what is going on in my brain. A little about myself before I start. I am a 32 year old male and have been drinking for 20 years and it is getting worse by the day. I drink at least a 12 pack every work nite and about a case of beer every weekend day, I've even started bringing alcohol to work lately which is adding to the shame I am feeling. There are whole weeks that I don't remember and I can't remember a day that I didn't drink in at least the last few years. I have been blessed with a great intelligence and creative and athletic skills therefore I feel that I am ruining a gifted life, I love the person I am when I have a clear head but those times are few and far between. I have a wonderful wife and I have been very honest with her about my alcoholism. We are having our first child in December and I promised her that I will quit drinking before then but I am very scared that I won't be able to do it. I have gone to four AA meetings in the past six months but I do not believe in God so it's real hard for me to be in that environment, although it is nice to be around people that know what your going through. I need help. I have not been able to do it on my own. I think I need to see a psychiatrist because of the things I've been through in my life and need to deal with them. I am grasping at straws at the moment so any advice would be very welcome. Drinking is ruining my life and sanity, all I think about is wanting to drink and not wanting to drink. I want to spend my time thinking happy thoughts not about my problem. How do I deal with the cravings? What help is out there that I can afford? I am going to try AA again but how do I stay sober for the rest of my life? I can't go on like this, I have heath concerns that I attribute to the drinking and I am scared that if I don't stop I could not be around much longer. I am willing to do anything to stop drinking, it's been too long. I hope I made some sort of sense, I just needed to actually start somewhere. Any help would be great. Also, I joined this site six days ago and it has already made me feel better about myself. Thank you to everyone for sharing I know how hard it is to be an alcoholic.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: michigan
Posts: 28
Welcome, everything you said sound famialiar with me. You are not lost but just found, god bless you!! Answers will pour in to your questions....You will make a difference in your own life! Some one here once said " i can't remember waking up wishin I had been drunk the night before". That is gonna be my new motto.
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: NY
Posts: 6,608
First off - "Welcome!" You have found a family that understands every point in this first post of yours.
Your description of your alcohol is very typical of the progression of alcoholism and how it can kind of sneaks up on you. Once you cross the line there is no turning back.
You said you tried AA and couldn't get into it because of the God aspect? I can respect that and there are other programs out there. One off the top of my head is Smart Recovery. I don't believe that uses a God format and if I remember correctly and I may not because its been years, but I think AA refers to a Higher Power. That Higher Power could be Bob or the group of people in your meeting or anything that you surrender to. Its basically admitting that you have no control anymore and you are going to turn it over starting now. That's how I grasped the concept when I attended any ways.
I too have lost a lot of memories from drinking, but some are returning. Some I wish would stay out of my mind but that's my sickness talking. Dealing with our problems head on is a crucial recovery mechanism that we have to learn. We've been numbing out for years and turning the light off on all our problems and suddenly we're being thrust into the light. It takes time.
It sounds like you have a lot to be grateful for AND you found a great place to get started. I like the idea that you may go to a psychiatrist to deal with things. That's great that you are thinking things out.
As far as the being afraid you might not be able to do this - step back and breath deep. Feel the moment and know that you can get through this moment and onto the next. The trick is to live in today and that's another
thing I had to learn because I was so busy living for the moment I could pour the drink.
Changing up your routine in the beginning might also help. Just to get you some time under your belt. Some go for walks when a craving hits. Some go to the gym. Others like to take a bath. So many different things, but KNOW that cravings pass and you just have to get through your first one to know you can do it. Once you know you can then its much easier.
Post here whenever you need encouragement or advice. Believe me - you will get it! You won't always hear what you want to hear, but it will come for the heart.
Your description of your alcohol is very typical of the progression of alcoholism and how it can kind of sneaks up on you. Once you cross the line there is no turning back.
You said you tried AA and couldn't get into it because of the God aspect? I can respect that and there are other programs out there. One off the top of my head is Smart Recovery. I don't believe that uses a God format and if I remember correctly and I may not because its been years, but I think AA refers to a Higher Power. That Higher Power could be Bob or the group of people in your meeting or anything that you surrender to. Its basically admitting that you have no control anymore and you are going to turn it over starting now. That's how I grasped the concept when I attended any ways.
I too have lost a lot of memories from drinking, but some are returning. Some I wish would stay out of my mind but that's my sickness talking. Dealing with our problems head on is a crucial recovery mechanism that we have to learn. We've been numbing out for years and turning the light off on all our problems and suddenly we're being thrust into the light. It takes time.
It sounds like you have a lot to be grateful for AND you found a great place to get started. I like the idea that you may go to a psychiatrist to deal with things. That's great that you are thinking things out.
As far as the being afraid you might not be able to do this - step back and breath deep. Feel the moment and know that you can get through this moment and onto the next. The trick is to live in today and that's another
thing I had to learn because I was so busy living for the moment I could pour the drink.
Changing up your routine in the beginning might also help. Just to get you some time under your belt. Some go for walks when a craving hits. Some go to the gym. Others like to take a bath. So many different things, but KNOW that cravings pass and you just have to get through your first one to know you can do it. Once you know you can then its much easier.
Post here whenever you need encouragement or advice. Believe me - you will get it! You won't always hear what you want to hear, but it will come for the heart.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,759
Yes it IS possible to stop drinking: you don't drink one day at a time. You only get to live one day at a time so stay sober one day at a time too. I would also recommend seeing a shrink and/or counselor, preferably one educated in addiction therapy.
I would also suggest seeing your doctor for medical help in stopping drinking as alcohol withdrawals can be dangerous as well as very uncomfortable. Be safe when detoxing.
You don't have to believe in God to attend AA, you only have to believe in a power greater than yourself. Give it a good try. What do you have to lose but your alcoholism?
Welcome to SR!
I would also suggest seeing your doctor for medical help in stopping drinking as alcohol withdrawals can be dangerous as well as very uncomfortable. Be safe when detoxing.
You don't have to believe in God to attend AA, you only have to believe in a power greater than yourself. Give it a good try. What do you have to lose but your alcoholism?
Welcome to SR!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,373
Hi Flip
You've already got some very good responses here so I'll keep it brief
The basic answer to all your questions is take it all a day at a time. 24 hour blocks where you commit to not drinking.
I found I started to move forward when I finally accepted I couldn't drink anymore.
Somewhat akin to what the AAers call step one.
For me, all the cravings and obsessions lost a little of their power that way.
It's still hard work sometimes when we first quit, and will be for a while.
Get as much support as you can here and elsewhere - whether than be AA or counsellors or whatever.
Also see your doctor if you haven't already - detox can occasionally be troublesome.
They may also have other suggestions for you to follow
You'll find a lot of help here - welcome Flip
D
You've already got some very good responses here so I'll keep it brief
The basic answer to all your questions is take it all a day at a time. 24 hour blocks where you commit to not drinking.
I found I started to move forward when I finally accepted I couldn't drink anymore.
Somewhat akin to what the AAers call step one.
For me, all the cravings and obsessions lost a little of their power that way.
It's still hard work sometimes when we first quit, and will be for a while.
Get as much support as you can here and elsewhere - whether than be AA or counsellors or whatever.
Also see your doctor if you haven't already - detox can occasionally be troublesome.
They may also have other suggestions for you to follow
You'll find a lot of help here - welcome Flip
D
Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: north carolina
Posts: 74
Hey Flip - I think you've come to a good place (SR) and we are happy to have you. I am not an expert (in fact, a newbie) but it sounds like you're at least ready to quit - admitting that you need help is difficult for many (I lived in denial for a long time).
You said you were worried about being able to stay sober for the rest of your life. I might suggest worrying about putting one foot in front of the other before worrying about running a marathon.
I think a logical first step is to go talk to your doctor ASAP and be 100% honest about what is going on. He/she will be in a very good position to point you in the right direction for getting help.
From what I've gathered, it does get easier to deal with the cravings over time. And, if you keep drinking, it might be even harder to quit in the future (on top of any physical damage). So, there isn't a moment to waste!
First thing in the morning, call your doctor and get in there. It sounds like you have a lot to live for and people who need and care about you.
You said you were worried about being able to stay sober for the rest of your life. I might suggest worrying about putting one foot in front of the other before worrying about running a marathon.
I think a logical first step is to go talk to your doctor ASAP and be 100% honest about what is going on. He/she will be in a very good position to point you in the right direction for getting help.
From what I've gathered, it does get easier to deal with the cravings over time. And, if you keep drinking, it might be even harder to quit in the future (on top of any physical damage). So, there isn't a moment to waste!
First thing in the morning, call your doctor and get in there. It sounds like you have a lot to live for and people who need and care about you.
Sobriety saved my life.
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Sonoma Valley, CA
Posts: 55
Thank You
I want to thank you all so much. I can't believe that i'm trying to make this happen. SR is the best thing I have found for help. The more i'm on SR the happier I get. Thank You, Flip.
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
Originally Posted by Flip77 
I have gone to four AA meetings in the past six months but I do not believe in God so it's real hard for me to be in that environment, although it is nice to be around people that know what your going through.
I need help.
I have not been able to do it on my own.
I need help.
I have not been able to do it on my own.
You may not know it but that's big-time 1st step stuff right there - that what you're doing is having no measurable impact on your drinking habits and that in spite of your best efforts, booze seems to have some level of control over you. "Coming to" (as in "wake up") in the second step matches right up with your comment about "realizing" your past attempts at working on the problem alone haven't worked and that assistance might be in order. While we're at it.... you've already made a HUGE start on the 3rd step too - considering the possibility that, with help, your drinking problem might be able to be licked.
That's how this deal starts. Admit you "might" have a problem and that you probably can't fix it alone, go looking for some help, and when you find that help....you use it / rely upon it.
Start looking for some people who have their lives together, understand what you're going through and are able and willing to help you. If you don't know where to look, next meeting you go to, grab the person who chars the meeting (the guy/gal who does most of the reading) and tell them you're looking for someone who's able to help someone new to the program. Usually ppl who've been around a bit are doing the reading and they'll be able to point out someone "good" to talk to. I found that my judgment of "someone good" in the program was a bit......off.....shall we say, when I first got here. That was an area where I should have asked for help ...... and that mistake darn near cost me dearly. I mistakenly hooked myself up with some folks who didn't know the first thing about alcoholism or recovery from it - but they sure sounded good to me at the time.
The people who've lived in the pain, anguish, and frustration that you're in now.....but went on to do the work and get out of that hell-hole.....will know right where you are and will be MORE than willing to lend a hand.
Good luck to you......get to some meetings, get hooked up with some folks who've recovered from the same stuff you're dealing with and ask for help... you'll get it in spades. There's a frickin wonderful life just around the corner for you and there are plenty of folks who'll be honored to help you get there yourself.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Lowcountry
Posts: 2,762
Hi Flip,
Another Athiest / Agnostic here. SR has a secular 12 step forum that's been pretty helpful to me , since I use AA as part of my recovery program.
Welcome to SR.
I've been here everyday , the last 5 weeks, and it really does work !
Another Athiest / Agnostic here. SR has a secular 12 step forum that's been pretty helpful to me , since I use AA as part of my recovery program.
Welcome to SR.
I've been here everyday , the last 5 weeks, and it really does work !
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
The more i'm on SR the happier I get.
When I decided to get sober 11 days ago, I spent the first two days glued to this place. I am still amazed at how much it's helping me. Alcoholism slowly removes all the positives from our lives until finally, we come to the realization that we have totally lost control. You described it all perfectly.
Congratulations on choosing to reach out for help. I hope you'll come join us in the May Class of 2010. We're all dealing with being newly sober, so you'll find alot of company there.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 4,682
Hey Flip
You will be looking to connect into a Higher Power of your understanding not the God that you were taught about in school...as has been said please find someone in AA for these sort of 'small' problems...and a rule of thumb with AA is remember it was your thinking, your judgements and your beliefs that got you in the mess so keep an open mind too. A mate of mine is 49 and uses the God thing, i don't mean to be disrespectful of athiests and agnostics (i dont consider myself religious at all)but there is a whole chapter in the Big Book for you and i know the real reason why my friend won't do the steps and it isn't because God is in the wall!
Second thing that jumped out is how do you stay sober for the rest of your life, well sober as you know it or i knew it on one of my dry spells over the years isn't the sober that you will be after working the steps of AA and getting the spiiritual awakening (no i dont mean the religious kind!)...no way i could stay sober with my version of sober, it was absolute torture...id survived using alcohol and now you want me to live without it...i know its killing me but if this is sobriety you can keep it were my thoughts after the initial euphoria of quitting drinking...
If you go to AA and do the work and CHANGE (not join a gym or go on a diet...change you inside!)then you will have a happy, joyous and free life and be of great use to your child...if you don't then on the cycle will go on...i hope that doesnt give you the impression that the birth of your child will magically change you, it wont..well not for long anyway so please for your sake go back to AA, remember that you thought your way into this mess and grab hold of someone, on the chair's recommendation, who has been sober a while (10 years plus sounds about right to me, my sponsor is 25 years sober)and do what they did regardless of what you think...stick around here too:-)
Oh one more thing that was pointed out by Daytrader, do not trust your judgement about people ffs...like does attract like and the very last person you want to be listening to is you at the moment! Thank God i got a sponsor as soon as i walked through the door and was able to identify the dry drunks and relapse kings early on...wow did they sound good though, their version of sobriety seemed so much easier than having to actually do any work or make any changes!
You will be looking to connect into a Higher Power of your understanding not the God that you were taught about in school...as has been said please find someone in AA for these sort of 'small' problems...and a rule of thumb with AA is remember it was your thinking, your judgements and your beliefs that got you in the mess so keep an open mind too. A mate of mine is 49 and uses the God thing, i don't mean to be disrespectful of athiests and agnostics (i dont consider myself religious at all)but there is a whole chapter in the Big Book for you and i know the real reason why my friend won't do the steps and it isn't because God is in the wall!
Second thing that jumped out is how do you stay sober for the rest of your life, well sober as you know it or i knew it on one of my dry spells over the years isn't the sober that you will be after working the steps of AA and getting the spiiritual awakening (no i dont mean the religious kind!)...no way i could stay sober with my version of sober, it was absolute torture...id survived using alcohol and now you want me to live without it...i know its killing me but if this is sobriety you can keep it were my thoughts after the initial euphoria of quitting drinking...
If you go to AA and do the work and CHANGE (not join a gym or go on a diet...change you inside!)then you will have a happy, joyous and free life and be of great use to your child...if you don't then on the cycle will go on...i hope that doesnt give you the impression that the birth of your child will magically change you, it wont..well not for long anyway so please for your sake go back to AA, remember that you thought your way into this mess and grab hold of someone, on the chair's recommendation, who has been sober a while (10 years plus sounds about right to me, my sponsor is 25 years sober)and do what they did regardless of what you think...stick around here too:-)
Oh one more thing that was pointed out by Daytrader, do not trust your judgement about people ffs...like does attract like and the very last person you want to be listening to is you at the moment! Thank God i got a sponsor as soon as i walked through the door and was able to identify the dry drunks and relapse kings early on...wow did they sound good though, their version of sobriety seemed so much easier than having to actually do any work or make any changes!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Germany
Posts: 2,058
Welcome to SR!!! You are acknowledging your problem and you are now part of an amazing community where you will find tons of support and info.
I was much like you in the sense that I wanted to quit. I felt helpless and bound for way too long. I knew I had it in me to do good things and make a difference in this life but sadly the booze kept me numb so everyday was like the movie "groundhog day."
I tossed the bottle, sought support here at SR, counseling and do much prayer.
I am so glad to see you are looking back in AA and there are plenty of people here who can provide you will tons of info to really get started and start working the steps.
What I will say is that you have a little miracle on the way and that in itself should be enough reason for you to sober up and get into recovery.
It may be a bumpy road but just remember to take it one day at a time.
You can do this. So glad to see you here now before some tragedy or health problem forces you to see the light.
All the best!!
I was much like you in the sense that I wanted to quit. I felt helpless and bound for way too long. I knew I had it in me to do good things and make a difference in this life but sadly the booze kept me numb so everyday was like the movie "groundhog day."
I tossed the bottle, sought support here at SR, counseling and do much prayer.
I am so glad to see you are looking back in AA and there are plenty of people here who can provide you will tons of info to really get started and start working the steps.
What I will say is that you have a little miracle on the way and that in itself should be enough reason for you to sober up and get into recovery.
It may be a bumpy road but just remember to take it one day at a time.
You can do this. So glad to see you here now before some tragedy or health problem forces you to see the light.
All the best!!
...than never
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Coast USA
Posts: 152
Flip77, the fact that you are here, and got an account, posted your story and are asking for advice is a very good sign.
I am also a non-believer and have found a secular recovery group called LifeRing.
Here is their meeting schedule, hope this helps.
General Information About LifeRing Meetings
I am also a non-believer and have found a secular recovery group called LifeRing.
Here is their meeting schedule, hope this helps.
General Information About LifeRing Meetings
Sobriety saved my life.
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Sonoma Valley, CA
Posts: 55
Today is day number one and I'm scared as hell. I keep telling myself one day at a time and it seems to calm me down a little and all of the posts and replies to my post on SR is also giving me a lot of strength. Please wish me luck, I need it. Flip
Awakening
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Riverside, CA
Posts: 290
Are you detoxing under the care of a doctor? If you are quitting today, you might give your doc a call and let him/her know what's going on, at least. Detox can be dangerous for some.
Congrats on your decision. You've got a whole new life ahead of you now, man!
Rev
Congrats on your decision. You've got a whole new life ahead of you now, man!
Rev
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: New Hampshire, USA
Posts: 224
Welcome. You probably ought to see a doctor, drinking as much as you are. It's more, physiologically speaking, than you might think it is. (Alcoholics tend to think of a sixer as a nice little start to an evening's drinking; non-alcoholics don't think that way, and your body knows they're right.) Anyway, please see a doctor. Best of luck. It gets better faster than you might fear.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
