TheLadyb

Went on a binge this weekend.
that started with "I'll have one beer"
and ended 4 days later.
I am lucky to be alive.
I feel so sick today, physically and emotionally.
I let myself down, and everyone else.
Everyone was getting so hopeful of me.

Back to AA, back to Day 1.

WHEN WILL I GET THIS RIGHT

NewBeginning010

Glad to have you back. As long as the idea/lie of "I'll have one beer" is now reinforced as a complete impossibility & that you are powerless over alcohol you are off to a new stronger start.

All of the best in your revovery

artsoul

Hi Ladyb - I think the hardest thing (other than going through what you're feeling right now) is to admit that we've relapsed. At least you're not giving up on sobriety. Everytime I started again, it got worse eventually. Just concentrate on not drinking today and give yourself as much TLC as you can. Alot of us are starting again, so you're not alone!!!:ghug3

least

I'm glad you made it back without something awful happening to you. Forgive yourself, learn from it, and move forward again.

RacerX

Hi Ladyb,

I would encourage you to count your blessings in the fact that you actually made it back. None of us know when that 'next time' might indeed be the death of us. So many alcoholics don't make it back and I'm glad to see that you took a big, big step in getting back to the program.

Secondly, I know it's a fine line but I hope you can remember how bad this feels while, at the same time, not beating yourself up. Beating ourselves up does no good at all and takes away from our self-worth (and we ALL have self-worth). Again, you made it back and that's a huge step.

Lastly, what has saved my life (literally) is thinking past the first drink. If all I choose to remember is those first one or two that 'took the edge off', then I'm a goner. However, if I choose to remember the reality of the situation that I NEVER stopped at one or two and all of the pain, remorse, shame, etc, that went along with my drinking, then I'm not going to reach for that first drink. I know you've probably heard this before but just wanted to share what's really helped me.

Anyways, glad you are back and thanks so much for your post!

RacerX

augustwest

Ahhh, the ole "i'll have one beer" gambit. I've never tried that one before. Your disease got you with the banana in the tailpipe. It happens. But you made it back and hopefully this was the jarring experience you needed to destroy all your delusions of drinking successfully.

Dee74

hi Ladyb

as the other guys said - it's great you made it back - some really don't.

I started to move forward when I accepted the fact - really accepted - that there was no one beer for me - one beer may as well mean 10, 000 for me.

I'm glad you're back
D

Ronan

Glad you made it back.

Save/Bookmark this thread and have a look at it if you ever feel the urge coming on again.

Good luck

Anna

Ladyb, don't give up, ever.

Keep trying and believe and know that you can do this!

Hevyn

Hi Lady. I did that many times - but the last time was different. I knew I couldn't keep coming back from those binges, my body was wearing out. That was over 2 yrs. ago. As Dee & others have said - the difference that last time was that I finally KNEW without a doubt I could never pick it up again without disastrous results. It was not a matter of willpower, the way I hoped it was. I had run out of ways to try and control my drinking - nothing worked, and it never was going to.

Once I convinced myself I was going to die in my sleep or end up in jail for vehicular homicide, that was it. I only wish it hadn't taken so many years to truly get it.

It's brave and honest of you to come here and tell what happened. You didn't have to, we'd never have known. That's the way to use this community - in good times and bad, we hold each other up. We all understand exactly how you feel, and we are here to help you continue on your journey to a new life. You can do this, the misery can end now.