Girlfriend of an adult child of an addict
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Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 1
Girlfriend of an adult child of an addict
Hi - I have been dating a man who grew up with an alcoholic/ painkiller addicted mother. We have been together for almost 5 years. His mother passed away just a few months ago and now my boyfriend is in a tailspin. He has semi-moved out of our home because he wants to rebuild his relationship with his father (who turned a blind eye to all that his son went through in his younger years). He still wants us to be together but right now things have been shaky. I have tried to "be there for him" but don't know what to do. Of course, I am having a hard time understanding why he needs to "live" with his father in order to rebuild that relationship. In the meantime I feel like he is destroying ours. I sincerely want to help him through this. I don't know what to do or what not to do. If anyone can help me in any way, I'd really appreciate it. I just want him to heal and be able to have a good life. He is a great person who is deeply troubled.
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Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Starting over all over again
Posts: 4,426
Hello there tapgirl, and welcome to this corner of recovery 
I'm sorry to hear your b/f is struggling with the death of his Mom. Although I did not experience that tailspin myself I have heard of others who do react that way to the death of a "toxic" parent.
The first thing I can suggest is that you read the "sticky" posts at the top of this forum. See how that information applies to your b/f. Also grab your phonebook and look up "al-anon". They are the experts at helping people who have family members that are affected by alcoholism or addictoin. It is clear from your post that the addiction in your boyfriend mom is making a mess of your relationship. Check out a few meetings, and especially look at their books and pamphlets, there is a lot of good information there.
A good therapist would be helpful at this point, and the best place to get a referal to one that understands your boyfriends issues is from the people at those al-anon meets I just mentioned.
The good news is that there is a lot of support and resources for exaclty this kind of problem. Most therapists are trained in handling "toxic families", and there's a million good book at most any bookstore.
I'm glad you found us, please take some time to browse around here and write any questions that come up. That's the whole reason why we're here
Mike
I'm sorry to hear your b/f is struggling with the death of his Mom. Although I did not experience that tailspin myself I have heard of others who do react that way to the death of a "toxic" parent.
The first thing I can suggest is that you read the "sticky" posts at the top of this forum. See how that information applies to your b/f. Also grab your phonebook and look up "al-anon". They are the experts at helping people who have family members that are affected by alcoholism or addictoin. It is clear from your post that the addiction in your boyfriend mom is making a mess of your relationship. Check out a few meetings, and especially look at their books and pamphlets, there is a lot of good information there.
A good therapist would be helpful at this point, and the best place to get a referal to one that understands your boyfriends issues is from the people at those al-anon meets I just mentioned.
The good news is that there is a lot of support and resources for exaclty this kind of problem. Most therapists are trained in handling "toxic families", and there's a million good book at most any bookstore.
I'm glad you found us, please take some time to browse around here and write any questions that come up. That's the whole reason why we're here
Mike
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