mom with questions
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2010
Location: south dakota
Posts: 4
mom with questions
Hi, I am new. I think this will be a great site and can't wait to find more time to read, tho some reading is very heavy. a week ago today we buried my 32 yr old step son. He died from an overdose of medication on top of alcohol. We had been estranged from him for 3 years after suggesting he get his life in order, a suggestion he did not appreciate. He lived 600 miles from us so we were really not aware of the degree of his addiction. I am not new to addiction. DD in rehab, 2 other step sons abusing prescription pain meds. We really didn't expect to get the phone call on this son. I think I am dealing with the what ifs. We basically had no contact with AS. He did not return phone calls, we did not even have his address. I think my question is how to learn how to interact with the addict without cutting all contact. AS you can imagine, our concern has turned to the 2 other sons and what we can do to prevent them following in this path to destruction. Ah, I think I have alot to learn.
today4me
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 311
Welcome to this site. I am new too and have only been on here since late March. My situation is different than yours as I left my XAGF. However, the advice I continue to receive and will suggest to you is: to keep posting and reading.
Early on we all ask questions and want to know the answers. Some will questions will be answered by others on here or you will learn from HP. The aim you should have however is to remove your anxiety focused on the "what ifs" and ground yourself by rebuilding you. This means quiet time, grieving, talking about your situation and accepting what is going on.
You are in a valley and there may be a marsh or dark forest yet to go through, but you are moving forward. Why? You are here and recognize there was a problem. Be strong, patient and seek wisdom.
Early on we all ask questions and want to know the answers. Some will questions will be answered by others on here or you will learn from HP. The aim you should have however is to remove your anxiety focused on the "what ifs" and ground yourself by rebuilding you. This means quiet time, grieving, talking about your situation and accepting what is going on.
You are in a valley and there may be a marsh or dark forest yet to go through, but you are moving forward. Why? You are here and recognize there was a problem. Be strong, patient and seek wisdom.
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Welcome to the Sober Recovery Family!
I am sorry about the loss of your stepson.
You will find lots of information and support for yourself here. I recommend reading through the permanent (sticky) posts at the top of this forum. You will find lots of wisdom and some of our stories are there.
Have you and/or your husband attended Alanon meetings? Alanon is a support group for friends and family of Alcholics. The group meetings are based on the 12 steps of AA, but adapted for the non-alcoholic.
Please make yourself at home by reading and posting as much as needed.
I am sorry about the loss of your stepson.
You will find lots of information and support for yourself here. I recommend reading through the permanent (sticky) posts at the top of this forum. You will find lots of wisdom and some of our stories are there.
Have you and/or your husband attended Alanon meetings? Alanon is a support group for friends and family of Alcholics. The group meetings are based on the 12 steps of AA, but adapted for the non-alcoholic.
Please make yourself at home by reading and posting as much as needed.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: minneapolis, mn
Posts: 2,762
welcome to sober recovery.
i'm sure that guilt is a very common, and a very big burden when something like this happens. we are learning, or have learned, that unless an addict wishes to become clean and sober, there is nothing that we can do to influence him.
i'm sorry for your loss.
i'm sure that guilt is a very common, and a very big burden when something like this happens. we are learning, or have learned, that unless an addict wishes to become clean and sober, there is nothing that we can do to influence him.
i'm sorry for your loss.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: PA
Posts: 985
Hi and glad you found us at SR.
Sorry for your loss.
Just reiterate what other said. Reading the stickies at the top of the Forums will give you info. Posting will allow venting and questions and responses from others.
The more you know about alcoholism and addiction the easier it will be for you develop your own way of dealing with the other children. There are people who will respond on this subject as it is dear to their hearts.
Also suggest finding alanon meetings in your area and we have a meeting on Saturdays at 9pm in the chat meeting room. We also have an alanon chat room to talk to anyone live if you prefer.
My prayers are with your family.
Sorry for your loss.
Just reiterate what other said. Reading the stickies at the top of the Forums will give you info. Posting will allow venting and questions and responses from others.
The more you know about alcoholism and addiction the easier it will be for you develop your own way of dealing with the other children. There are people who will respond on this subject as it is dear to their hearts.
Also suggest finding alanon meetings in your area and we have a meeting on Saturdays at 9pm in the chat meeting room. We also have an alanon chat room to talk to anyone live if you prefer.
My prayers are with your family.
get it, give it, grow in it
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
cjf, welcome to SR from another mother.
While not enabling we can show compassion to our addicted grown kids and offer help.
Whether they are willing is on their time-line.
When they refuse contact, there are not many choices, as you know all too well.
The grieving process must be brutal, try not to load on any guilt, it serves no purpose.
While not enabling we can show compassion to our addicted grown kids and offer help.
Whether they are willing is on their time-line.
When they refuse contact, there are not many choices, as you know all too well.
The grieving process must be brutal, try not to load on any guilt, it serves no purpose.
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Hello cfj and please accept my condolences.
IF you could get a copy of "the Grief club" by Melody beatty- it is a great book about dealing with change. She also lost a son, and talks about addictions as well.
Virtual hugs.
IF you could get a copy of "the Grief club" by Melody beatty- it is a great book about dealing with change. She also lost a son, and talks about addictions as well.
Virtual hugs.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
