wishiknew

I think I am spending way to much time trying to figure out if my AH is using and he is not even living here right now. He still comes by to get and visit the kids and I find myself constantly trying to read his behavior, eyes, etc. He told me he is not taking pills but he did go out and buy a bottle of liquor and that he had a tooth pulled and when the Doc. who he claims knew his history asked him what he should give him for pain my AH said low dose Hydrocodone. If you are in recovery and committed to getting and staying clean wouldn't you ask the Doc to give you something non-narcotic???? I didn't act like it was a big deal and I know I'm supposed to stop worrying about him and concentrate on me and let HIM make HIS own decisions. Do I not deserve to know what he's doing if he expects me to take him Back???? I didn't respond angry or demanding when he told me these things because I didn't want him to regret telling me the truth. I had to beg to get that much out of him. In the past I've gotten really angry when finding stuff out. I'm hoping me staying calm will make him more honest with me. Sometimes he comes over and looks really sad and pitiful and cries. I am so tired of trying to figure things out.

suki44883

Why does he expect you to take him back? You are separated for a reason and it doesn't sound like much of anything has changed if you still suspect he is using. When I was in early recovery (for alcohol) I had to go to the dentist to get a tooth pulled. I told him I was in recovery for alcohol, but he still was hesitant to give me pain medication even though I have never abused pills. I find it difficult to believe that if a dentist knows your husbands history of abusing pills that he would prescribe Hydrocodone. Sounds to me like he is feeding you a line of BS.

All that aside, it is not your job to monitor his moods and beg him for information. You will drive yourself bonkers worrying about it. If he is using, he is using and if you feel he is high when he comes to pick up the kids, you have every right to deny him taking them anywhere or even coming inside you home.

tjp613

I know a woman in recovery -- 10 years clean -- who had nothing but Tylenol after a hysterectomy!! She suffered so much pain and it broke my heart but WHAT A WOMAN!!! There was no doubt that she was 1000% committed to her recovery.

That's the kind of sign you should be looking for.

But let's just try to enjoy our day today -- just for today. Happy Mother's Day!

wishiknew

You are right Suki. You wouldn't expect a Doc to give him opiates knowing his history. But I don't think they care. Probably cause my AH is so good at manipulation. His family Doc (who I Know knows his history) because we went and had it stamped on his chart gave him 3 scripts of pain medicine for hip pain that my AH faked.

Freedom1990

First of all, buying a bottle of liquor does not constitute recovery.

I was never honest with a single doctor/dentist until I got clean/sober.

There are legitimate reason for pain medication, like the major surgery I had on my stomach 4 years ago. I was stapled from bellybutton to breastbone after surgery, and in the hospital for 7 days. However, by the time I was discharged, I was on nothing but tylenol and did fine.

What are you doing for yourself in your recovery? "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie is an excellent starter book. Have you checked for Naranon or Alanon meetings in your area?

:ghug3