GettingClean

Last night was it for me. Another all night binge followed by a day of feeling like death. I'm shaky, nauseous, anxious and severely depressed. Missed an appointment I had to take my dog to the vet due to this hangover. Alcohol and drugs have caused me nothing but problems in my life and it's time for me to change this vicious cycle. I've finally admitted I have a problem and I can't control myself when I start drinking.

Tomorrow is day one of a new life for me and I'm looking forward to it. I'm happy to have found this forum to receive support and to encourage the rest of you all that are on this journey with me.

GC

Dee74

Welcome getting clean

I remember the destruction I wrought on myself too. Insane really.

SR helped me to sort some things out - I hope we can help you too
D

MyGraySkies

Lots of great support here! Keep posting, and looking around the site, there are tons of good info that may help you.

HumbleBee

Hey GC, welcome to SR!

You just described exactly how I felt when I got sober - both physically and emotionally.

Enough was enough! Congrats on your decision to take your life back.

All of us here lean on each other, share our experiences, help each other along during the rough patches and rejoice in all the joys that exist in sobriety. Glad you're here with us.

You never have to feel the way you described again. Looking forward to sharing the journey with you.

Check out the other SR forums and post whenever you need/want to 24/7.

GettingClean

Thanks y'all! HumbleBee, I absolutely love that line in your sig. How true.

Snarf

Welcome, GC! There's lots of good people here, and as you can see already by the replies to your thread, some have been here for years. Lots of experience and assistance to draw upon. Everyone here has been at the point you're at, where things have gotten out of control and the realization hits that you "finally admitted I have a problem and I can't control myself when I start drinking."

All the best to you. Don't be a stranger, ask questions, and seek help. It's there, so it's kinda foolish not to accept it, right?

Thanks for joining us!

GettingClean

Huh, to add to my original post, I just discovered grass stains all over my jeans. Apparently I fell (again) at some point during my wild night. I don't remember it though. I was wondering why I had more aches and pains than usual. How embarrassing.

NEOMARXIST

Hi GettingClean.

I can relate 100% to everything you say. Your post speaks to me so vividly as I can remember the panic, anxiety, paranoia and hopelessness like it was yesterday if I choose to. (10 months ago now!!)

It is possible to get and stay sober and clean. I too was a binger who would abuse alcohol and drugs very heavily over binges of 2/3 days.

I used to wake up with aches and bruises over my limbs after most binges. I too also used to wake up with grass stains all over my jeans. I also used to seem to always get motor oil stains over my jeans and clothing. Don't ask me how! Was I lying under cars or something? Funny looking back now but at the time it was demoralising and heartbreaking.

My binges used to sap the life and soul out of me. I would try to chase the high untill I was chasing something that just wasn't possible to get anymore. All of the chemicals in my brain were totally depleated, so I was just knocking myself out and poisoning my body. I remember a few of the horrific comedowns/hangovers/Wd's that I experienced where I was just riding out feeling like I was going to die from stopping breathing or from chest pains or something for about 12+ hours and then total lethargy for a few days after. I never want to go back there again!

The good news is that I never have to go back there again. I accepted to my innermost self that I am an alcoholic and a drug addict. From that I can build upon my recovery. I have to live a life free from ego and self-centred greed and learn to deal with feelings/emotions on lifes terms rather than running away into alcohol and drug binges.

SR is a fantastic recovery resource and has helped me immensely to achieve where I am at now. If you can truly accept that you're an alcoholic and one is too many and 1000000 never enough then you're off to a good start. Embrace your recovery from alcoholism and drug addiction and keep an open mind and be willing to do whatever it takes for you personally to stay away from that first drink 'just for today'.

All The best. Increase The Peace.

vegibean

Yeah Humble, never noticed it but so, so true!!!!

GettingClean, welcome to SR!!! I hear ya on everything you said up there. I have had over two years now of not having to wake up like that, or get myself into the situations that you mentioned and even worse.

You have found a wonderful site here with TONS of support. My best to you on your journey!!

Kmber2010

Welcome to SR. You have a great community full of support and available to you 24/7. I am glad that you have taken that first step to rid yourself of the bottle.

Sobriety is amazing and I too like you was just tired of feeling controlled by the drinking and was finally ready to rid myself of the monkey on my back.

Looking forward to your journey. Take it one day at a time.

All the best.

least

Welcome to the SR family! I hope we can be of help to you in staying sober. THis place has helped me so much, I hope we can do the same for you.

Norther

Welcome! Each day is easier than the day before, or so it has been for me with a whole six days of sobriety! (The drug does have its tricks down the line, I am sure.) Anyway, consider joining the Class of May 2010 thread.

artsoul

Hi GettingClean - I'm new here, too, and was feeling what you're feeling about a week ago. Today's not going to be fun, but drink as much water as you can and take some vitamins. It WILL get better. Spend the day in bed, watch TV, eat, or hang out here and post/read for a day (like I did) - just don't pick up that drink. And if things get bad enough, see a doctor. We all know what you're going through, so you're not alone. Congratulations for stepping up to admit you can't control your drinking and don't want to do this anymore!!!

Soph

Hi Getting Clean

I am on Day 34 clean. For me, going to AA meetings has made all the difference in the world. I could not do it by myself before, even though my brain wanted to. I found that I needed to hear others' stories, and be in a group setting, to feel safe and hopeful really.

Remember you are not alone. Just take it one day at a time, and know that you have a choice today. Tomorrow will be here soon enough - but for today - you have a choice and you can choose water, coke, a milkshake...you don't have to take a drink.

Peace,

Soph

gone2long

Hey there, I was right there with you, in NC, missing my vet appointment, breaking things around my apartment (not on purpose), finding mysterious marks on my car's bumper, only 4 days ago. Today is the first day I can face food without disgust. I am so done. How could I have lived this long in denial? Am on my way to my 4th aa meeting, it reminds me of who I am, and how blessed I am to be here. I saw someone my age pick up a 21 year chip. And you and I can do that do that too. Good luck!

AWOL

Welcome GC!
You've made a good move, one that will turn your life around if you stay with it. This is an excellent place to find support and encouragement, because most of us have been there done that and can identify with your problems. All the best on the road ahead!