Jenny1232

Well, I haven't been talking to my "junkie" friend.. not since my last post.

She told me she'd been shooting up in the neck.
I was cold. Told her I loved her, but she needed treatment or she'd fail.
She stopped responding when I said CPS will take her child if she doesn't stop.

Well, today she asked me how I was. I responded good, and you. She said she overdosed and died. Died? Well, how are you talking to me.

Apparently she shot up one too many bags.. she turned blue, and was wheezing.. and her friend revived her. She claims she saw her life flash before her eyes.

Don't get me wrong - I love her. Honestly, I've got little sympathy for her. She claims she's clean and everyone is concerned..

She's two days clean
She was two days clean last time I spoke with her.

I'm my opinion... this is another one of her funny drug stories to share with friends. She laughs at her heroin usage. She doesn't take this serious at all.

I have no hope left for her. As I said before, she's a lost cause. I highly doubt this will change things. In less than a weeks time, she will be shooting again. She won't cut those friends off (I mean, they're great friends, they revive her from overdosing on heroin). Who'd want to lose them?

I already cut her from my life. Again, it bothers me, or I wouldn't be posting.. I'm just sick of wasting my energy and effort into her.

I can not help her. She's not even asking for my help. She's asking if I want to hang out.

NO I DO NOT WANT TO HANG OUT WITH YOU ANYMORE. Gosh, I'm flustered by her. I tried to help.

BBD

Hi Jenny, You have made the right decision to cut her from your life but I'm sure its also frustrating for you as you were friends at one time. My son was the addict in our life so we did stick by him. Life is good here but if he ever decides to go back to that life it'll kill me~~~so I'll have to close the door also. Sorry you are having to deal with this but I'm sure you have told her straight out that you can't be friends and watch her kill herself. Cause one of these times~~~ those so-called friends will be too high to save her butt.....big smiles, Bonnie

Jenny1232

Thanks Bonnie.. I appreciate your response.

I can't imagine an addict son.. and I'm sorry for your struggles. It's hard to watch any loved one suffer, but, you're own child. I really hope things work out for the best for you. You seem amazingly optimistic though!

The sad truth - I know this will be the death of her. I wouldn't have been shocked had she died last time. She's only been into it for three months or so. She's going to die, and I cannot save her.

BBD

Let her fall Jennie and hopefully she'll find herself soul searching. My son is a talented carpenter and he spent tons of money on cocaine and a few years later had nothing to show for his hard work. I'm not quite sure what really woke him up this time but right now things are Ok. I worry all the time but I know theres nothing I can do if he chooses to go back............except to step away. He knows that. We are a pretty close family and my hubby has become involved in his business so he's happier this way.....my son gets a paycheck and he's seeing the money build up in the business acct......hang on hun~~maybe your friend will see the light in the near future. If not~~~~try to keep yourself happy with fun friends..

Kerbcrawler

Yeah...that heroin strikes me as a scummy drug..dirty like, tried it a few times, many yrs ago,snorting it..all sorts of added poisions an crap added...those peddling the powder..usually low life..watch your back an wallet with..merchants, my sis an her fella got caught up on this drug...she lost her kids to social service..they ended up in foster,
lovely kids..now theyve got a good life...doing things,they could only have dreamed of,i havent seen her for a few yrs, she,s had big probs with this stuff...shootin up dodgy stuff, an ending up near dead...not to mention her alcohol,an crack issues..hope shes doin ok, thinkin about its odd, that you can be a druggy..your always classed pretty much as scum of the earth,..i think also in many cities uk, a huge proportion of crime
theft prostitution, is very often to get drug money..bad crack really... where as being a wine conniseur, or other disguised alkie in proffession its ok, i wonder if alcohol was banned, how many alkies, would become law breakers to get there poison?

Hope44

I wonder if the reason we sometimes pull away from loved ones who are destroying their lives is because we think (even unconsciously) that the longer we open our hearts to them, the deeper it will pain us when they leave us (die). Like a form of protection or something.

My 22 yo daughter is/was/is (we can't be sure anymore) a heroin user. Ended up in ER several times, and one of those times was told by a nurse she is lucky to be alive. This near-death experience might have frightened her for awhile but she was right back at it. The drug was her god and trumped everything and everyone that truly mattered in her life. Even so, where there is LIFE there is HOPE and I have faith that God isn't finished with her yet. I pray the same for your friend.

Underneath the messed up exterior, it is very likely she is crying on the inside. Crying for the strength to take just one step toward the light. To break free from her prison. To feel love... because I can pretty much guess our addicts feel totally unloveable. I can recount several times I heard this cry from my daughter, and SAW it etched, on her face. My little girl, SO lost and scared. So weighed down by guilt and shame. There she was looking out at me, and it broke my heart. I remember these times when things get bad and I feel I've lost all hope in her. But hope in God I will never lose.

I sure hope your friend sees the light.

Chino

My daughter, too, and it still hurts inside remembering it. When she'd realize how vulnerable she was, she'd run off so fast to escape the pain and use again.

It was Amy aka Impurrfect that shed a lot of light on that and helped me understand that vicious cycle.

BBD

But there is always HOPE~~~~hope that they hit their bottom and see that most of them are good kids that just travelled the wrong way. It really is getting away fromthe friends they hang with and with us~~it ws getting so involved in his life that he does see what a great guy he is when focusing on his life and what he wants. I know alot of you don't agree with what we're doing here but for today it is working. This site keeps me on my toes and I share every bit of it with my hubby............

outtolunch

Back when I was consumed with my daughter's addiction I used to lurk on a forum for opiate addicts. One of the most popular never ending threads was OD war stories.

That forum had some interesting group dynamics, going for it, given it was all things opiate and yet those who post had their act together enough to have the time and energy to post, where as most are too busy scamming and chasing the next bag. When a frequent poster disappears, it's understood.