Feedback pls on this letter to my AS...
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Join Date: May 2009
Location: Land of Cotton
Posts: 3,433
Feedback pls on this letter to my AS...
As I posted the other day, I've decided that the time is right to turn my son over to God's care. After flunking out of technical college he's been staying with his dad with some boundaries in place. Well, naturally, the boundaries have been crossed and my ex has hit bottom too. AS is out on the streets as of today.
He's been mad at me since Monday so hasn't called, but I guarantee that he'll be calling in the next day or two. I want to have a letter ready to give to him -- along with a bit of cash and the rest of his belongings.
Can I have your feedback on the letter please?
Happy Mother's Day to me. 
He's been mad at me since Monday so hasn't called, but I guarantee that he'll be calling in the next day or two. I want to have a letter ready to give to him -- along with a bit of cash and the rest of his belongings.
Can I have your feedback on the letter please?
Dearest [Son],
I hope that over the years I have shown you how much you mean to me – that I love you with my whole heart and I only want what is best for you. I love you as only a mother can. I pray that you will keep that thought as you read on and as you move on in your life.
There comes a time when a parent must release their child to the world and cease to be the caregiver. It’s difficult to know when that time is right and is the decision that every parent struggles with at some point. I, too, have struggled but I know that now is the time to give you the dignity and the wings to build your own life in your own way.
The last 2 years have been exhausting for all of us, and most of all for you, I’m sure. I only want you to be happy but feel like the support your dad and I have given you is not what you need, obviously. You have different plans for your life but I think you feel stuck trying to please us instead of yourself. So go…. Do it your own way and I’ll keep you in my positive thoughts and I will always love you…no matter what.
I do hope that you find a way to rid yourself of drugs once and for all. I’m grateful for the time you spent at [name of rehab center] and in all those meetings in [sober living house]. You have the tools and you know what you need to do when you are ready. Remember that you can always call the counselors at [the rehab] for support and guidance.
I’m sorry that I have to limit our contact and phone calls because staying involved in your life causes a great deal of stress and anxiety for me, for [my husband] and for [my daughter]. I know you don’t understand that side of the story, but maybe you will some day. We all have a right to a peaceful existence and for my own health and serenity, that is what I have to do. I won’t provide you with money, gas or a place to stay. I can only offer my love and prayers.
I will always love you. No matter what.
Love,
Mom
[here I have listed several numbers for the rehab center where he stayed, the local outreach office, his doctor, and the Salvation Army]
I hope that over the years I have shown you how much you mean to me – that I love you with my whole heart and I only want what is best for you. I love you as only a mother can. I pray that you will keep that thought as you read on and as you move on in your life.
There comes a time when a parent must release their child to the world and cease to be the caregiver. It’s difficult to know when that time is right and is the decision that every parent struggles with at some point. I, too, have struggled but I know that now is the time to give you the dignity and the wings to build your own life in your own way.
The last 2 years have been exhausting for all of us, and most of all for you, I’m sure. I only want you to be happy but feel like the support your dad and I have given you is not what you need, obviously. You have different plans for your life but I think you feel stuck trying to please us instead of yourself. So go…. Do it your own way and I’ll keep you in my positive thoughts and I will always love you…no matter what.
I do hope that you find a way to rid yourself of drugs once and for all. I’m grateful for the time you spent at [name of rehab center] and in all those meetings in [sober living house]. You have the tools and you know what you need to do when you are ready. Remember that you can always call the counselors at [the rehab] for support and guidance.
I’m sorry that I have to limit our contact and phone calls because staying involved in your life causes a great deal of stress and anxiety for me, for [my husband] and for [my daughter]. I know you don’t understand that side of the story, but maybe you will some day. We all have a right to a peaceful existence and for my own health and serenity, that is what I have to do. I won’t provide you with money, gas or a place to stay. I can only offer my love and prayers.
I will always love you. No matter what.
Love,
Mom
[here I have listed several numbers for the rehab center where he stayed, the local outreach office, his doctor, and the Salvation Army]
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Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 112
I think the letter is perfect. I know how your heart is breaking. I will be writing a similar letter to my daughter in the next few weeks. It is so hard letting go but I choose to trust God. I hold on to Him, knowing He is holding on to my daughter. May this give you comfort too, regarding your son.
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,910
I have mixed emotions about the letter. It is very well written and I'm sure it comes from the deepest recesses of your heart. I'm just curious though. In the letter, you say you will no longer give him money, gas or a place to stay, but you said in the beginning that you want to give him the letter, his personal belongings and a bit of cash. Isn't that sending a mixed message? I'm not going to give you money, but here's a little money to take with you.
I know how difficult this is for you. I had to face a similar circumstance a while back, so I do have some idea of what is going through your mind. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.
I know how difficult this is for you. I had to face a similar circumstance a while back, so I do have some idea of what is going through your mind. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 3,335
I think the letter is lovely.I know you have to do what you have to do but a really good rule of thumb is not to give an active addict money. Money supports their drug addiction. Might as well just give them a handful of their DOC.
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Location: in my own world~
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I agree with the last 2 posters....about giving him cash. If you decide to do that change the end of the letter where you say you will not give him cash anymore. My heart breaks for you but this is what I have done in the past. Things are great here now. My son is attending meetings daily, has his own construction company and is working hard. So, hang on, be strong and get busy doing something you enjoy. Its so hard thinking about our children every day when we don't know where they are....I'm praying things work out well at your end. Smiles, Bonnie
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Join Date: May 2009
Location: Land of Cotton
Posts: 3,433
Never had a chance to give him the letter or speak to him... he texted me to say he is moving back to the town where he lived in the sober house last fall. guess he has friends there and he definitely knows the ropes of how to get food stamps, live cheaply, knows where all the meetings are, etc. and it's a nice small town with a beautiful river running through it....a great place to spend the summer! Of all his choices, that is probably the best one and I'm glad he chose it.
I didn't pick up or respond to his texts or calls. Feels so awkward.
Ouch.
I didn't pick up or respond to his texts or calls. Feels so awkward.
Ouch.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Land of Cotton
Posts: 3,433
This is my horoscope for today.... eerie, eh?
What bothers you now can be resolved, as long as you are willing to stand up and say exactly what needs to be said, Terry. Going with the flow may be an easy route for you to follow, but it might not always take you down a path that leads to fulfillment of your own dreams. Be more aggressive about your position, and project yourself outwardly as the true master of your destiny.
What bothers you now can be resolved, as long as you are willing to stand up and say exactly what needs to be said, Terry. Going with the flow may be an easy route for you to follow, but it might not always take you down a path that leads to fulfillment of your own dreams. Be more aggressive about your position, and project yourself outwardly as the true master of your destiny.
Jujubee Queen
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Port Charlotte, Florida
Posts: 3,582
I'm glad in the end, the decision was his to make, and not yours.
It makes it easier, no?
For me, the hardest decisions us mothers face
is being able to let go, and let God.
(Cause I always knew I could do it better...LOL)
Some days, I still have a hard time getting it.
Hugs...from one mom to another.........
It makes it easier, no?
For me, the hardest decisions us mothers face
is being able to let go, and let God.
(Cause I always knew I could do it better...LOL)
Some days, I still have a hard time getting it.
Hugs...from one mom to another.........
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