desperatemum

Hi I am newto all this so here is a little firstly about me. I am a married mum of 2 gorgeous kids. Basically my codeine addiction started innocently with a bad back and 3 years later wham i now take 24 tablets a day. I have spoke to my gp about this and he was lovely and put me on a codeine reduction ,but stupidly i told him i was clean because i was too embarrased to keep getting my prescription ( stupid i know) so basically i am back to the drawing board taking 24 nurofen a day. I realy do not know why i feel the need to take these as i have a fantastic life. A fantastic husband , plenty of money ( i know not everything) lovely children and a beautiful home plus a wonderfulfamily. I did how ever suffer severe post nantal depression with my second child which is when i started noticing that when i took those little pills life seemed better ( oh if i knew then what i know now). I hate myself for what i do. But they give me energy to go to the gym and play with kids plus they give me confidence to talk to people. The weird thing is I dont take any over night and sleep like a log and the only withdrawal i seem to feel is just a slight headache and just lethargy and a strong urge to pop 4 nurofen plus to get that oh so wonderful chilled out feeling of I can do anything. Why cant i be happy without pills and is there a light at the end of this black black tunnell? Please can some one give me advice ? ALSO what am I doing to my body I really do not want to die but I know I will if i carry on. sorry about grammer. I am just typing and typing. Please someone help. xxx

desperatemum

Oh by the way i was prescribed codeine phosphate 60mg by my gp 3 years ago which is when i started noticing the effects. Then i realised you could by codeine otc and stopped my prescription from gp as i hated asking the receptionist for script as i was certain she knew i was using them for the wrong purposes ( she prob didnt but i was paranoid) anyway i would have been better off with pure codeine as i am rotting my stomach and liver now ( havent had any symptons as yet but sure i will be). sorry just wanted to clear that up. I am also sick of the trail around different chemists so not to be noticed as being an addict. arghhhhhh hate that word but i know i am. xxxx

Dee74

Hi desperatemum

I have little experience with codeine abuse - there are a few people around with codeine histories tho. I see you've already found our substance abuse forum

Substance Abuse - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

I think the very best first step to take is see your Doctor (or another one if you prefer) and...be honest. You can't get help by telling half-truths.

You may find face to face support helpful as well as SR - something like your local NA may be useful too?

D

desperatemum

Thank you dee. I know your right it is just so hard. My doc would be understanding, it is me that has a problem with me. I am so ashamed of my addiction and i am a people pleaser so i just thought the easiest option would be to just tell the gp that I am sorted and not using. I know it was ridiculous but i wasjust soooooo embarassed. Its weird because i havent took any pills since 6pm last night and i feel fine but i know the minute i get stressed i will want to reach for my trusty packet hidden in my hand bag ( i ony have 4 left ). I have to make the decision as to wether i can go it alo ne and i think i could? but i am scared about how i will cope. I look at normal people and wonder how they can function and find life so full of joy when it takes me 4 pills to feel confident and have energy. the pills make me feel like i could tackle anything calmly and they give me energy to run around with my kids and there horses. I know though that in the past when i havent been using i canstill manage to do all those things but they just dont seem as fun ( if that makes sense?). I dont know maybe its phsychological with me but I just wonder if life can be exciting without drugs. I get jealous of my husband also cause he is so happy all the time and has bags of energy and just loves life to the full. I want to be like him and just enjoy life instead of feeling like the only way to be happy is to pop four nurofen plus tabs. I dont smoke and hve never ever even experimented with any other drugs at all so why am I hooked on these otc meds.???????? I am so ashamed and can not tell anyone not even my hubs . he would be so dissapointed as he is so straight laced and hates anyone who even smokescigaretteS!!! Thanks for the advice. xxx

Dee74

Dealing with an addiction is never easy DM....no matter what the drug is it's always very easy to make excuses to continue the addiction, and to rationalise it's the easier way.

If you can;t stay off them on your own, I hope you'll consider tell your Doctor at least. Nothing is likely to change if you make no changes.

I hope other members will be along with their stories. You could also look back through through the substance abuse forum for other peoples experiences.

D

Norther

We take the drug to submerge these terrible feelings we have. What we don't realize is that the drug is causing most of those feelings, so that when you stop the drug they slowly abate. Unfortunately, because we are first and foremost addicts, these rewards re not enough to keep us away from the drug. I want to drink because I am addicted. Dealing with the addiction itself usually takes some sort of program. Take heart though: the feelings you drug away do abate when you put down the drug.

desperatemum

thank you for your kind words. I am really really going to give this my best shot and if I feel I am struggling then off with my tail between my legs i will go to the docs. Anyway on a sort of positive note I have managed up un till now not to take any nuroplus but for no reason what so ever I have just took 4 arghhhhhh. I have had no withdrawal symptons at all but by now I prob would have popped about 12-16 so in a way only taking 4 is good for me. I dont know why i took them just habit I guess! GOD THIS SUCKS ! WHY OH WHY do docs prescribe codeine so easily. I know I have no one to blame but myself and to be honest if it wasnt for the internet i would never have known you could buy codeine otc. I t was just by accident i found out and since then have been buying nuroplus ( year and a half now). Sorry rambling a bit. But the constant trek to different chemists is getting ridiculous anyway good luck to all you others out there and hope you have more wilpower than me . Good Luck Everyone. xxxxx

artsoul

Welcome desperatemum - glad you're here! I know the embarassment and shame all too well. It's a part of the addiction process because we find ourselves saying one thing and doing another. I drank when I didn't want to, drank when I swore I wouldn't, drank more than I planned, etc..... It wears you down, I know. It sounds like you have alot to live for, but it will take time, like someone else said, to "reset" your brain/body to produce it's own natural feelings again. You can do it though, and we're here to support you.

desperatemum

Thank you art soul am grateful for your kind words. xxxx

Dee74

How are you going desperatemum?
D