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Doing this for me--DAY 2

Old 05-06-2010, 07:48 AM
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Doing this for me--DAY 2

I've done this before. I've stopped drinking for up to 30 days before. This isn't special. I'm not doing anything that normal people can't do. Why is this all so important? Blah..................

There, got that off my chest. Time to take it easy, and ask God(?) to help me stay sober one more day. I was tired this morning, and not in the best mood. 3 year old daughter up a few hours throwing up. Think she ate something bad last night. Therefore not much sleep for the wife and me. On the flip side, if I had been drunk I would have been pissed at my daughter for keeping me up (like it's her fault) and my wife would be pissed at me because I didn't get out of bed fast enough, or wash off the blankets good enough.

I don't really feel like writing much. Think I'll read some more posts. Kinda like going to a meeting and just listening. I'm such a FAKE. I haven't gotten myself to a meeting!! I just read a lot of books about meetings, and listen to meetings on my ipod. What a joke right?!?!

God I'm pissy today. This is only day 2, but hey!!!! I made it through day 1. Here's to today!! This is kind of like listening to a completely insane person. I apologize to any one who had to read these ramblings. But like I said, I'm doing this for me dammit!!


I got rice cooking in the microwave, got a three day beard I don't plan to shave. It's a goofy thing but I just got to say, hey I'm doing alright. Think I'll make me some homemade soup. Feeling pretty good and that's the truth. It's neither drink nor drug induced, no I'm just doing alright. And it's a great day to be alive. I know the sun's still shining when I close my eyes. There's some hard times in the neighborhood, but why can't every day be just this good. --Travis Tritt

Trying to change my mindset with my music this morning. I'll be OK.
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Old 05-06-2010, 08:21 AM
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Hey there, Oddman,

Stop being so hard on yourself. You are not a FAKE! Does not going to meetings make you think so? If so, please stop. AA is not for everyone. We are all unique individuals with unique recovery programs that work for us - it's not a one-size-fits-all solution.

There are lots of recovery programs - if you're doing some reading, pls check out all your options and find something that fits you.

"I'm not doing anything that normal people can't do"

What the heck is normal anyway? I have yet to hear a definition of normal that makes me want it.

Enjoy where you're at on the way to where you're going. Find what works for you by exploring your options. Continue talking to God too - He listens. Be well, Oddman.
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Old 05-06-2010, 08:48 AM
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yeah ffs sake dont go to AA, then you will get sober and never have to feel how you do right now...its a...no wait thats a good thing isnt it?

"Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program, usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves. There are such unfortunates. They are not at fault; they seem to have been born that way. They are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty. Their chances are less than average."

See AA is almost for everyone;-)
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Old 05-06-2010, 08:53 AM
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I enjoy reading 'ramblings', however if you like it better, there's a blog feature here too for more 'journal' type entries. But sometimes it's helpful to throw some thoughts out publically.. so much support 'round here
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Old 05-06-2010, 09:02 AM
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Good Job. Keep it going. I got the APC song in my head after your last post...
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Old 05-06-2010, 09:06 AM
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Originally Posted by HumbleBee View Post
What the heck is normal anyway? I have yet to hear a definition of normal that makes me want it.
Amen.

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Old 05-06-2010, 10:17 AM
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Oddman - you DID make it through day 1 and you ARE headed to better days. Alot of us have relapsed and come back and it IS a big deal. Right now it's a very big deal to me that I have 5 days. I know exactly what you mean about being irritable and tired. I'm still feeling some of that, but each day is better than the one before. I haven't gotten much done at all. I've eaten too much, slept too much (or not at all), avoided going out alot, let the dishes pile up, etc......but it was all necessary - anything goes this first week as long as I do not pick up that first drink.

Remember you're not alone!
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Old 05-06-2010, 10:40 AM
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Originally Posted by Washburn View Post
Good Job. Keep it going. I got the APC song in my head after your last post...
I <3 APC

Sorry to hijack temporarily
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Old 05-06-2010, 10:42 AM
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Odd, I am on day 31 (as you know from congratulating me) and I had tried several attempts before. It has stuck this time because I really want what I see sober people having. It's true, I have sobriety-envy.

There is absolutely nothing special or magical about pouring poison down our throats.

Your 3 year old is every reason in the world for quitting the poison. You do want to be there for her, I'm sure. Even when they're puking, they are little miracles and so innocent. My son is already 13 and I so wish I had quit when he was 3. I am grateful I got some sense knocked into me finally now.

All the best!
:-) Soph
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Old 05-06-2010, 11:43 AM
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Sobriety envy is exactly what I have. So am I willing to do whatever it takes to achieve it? That's the part I'm struggling with. I mean, whatever it takes?? Yeah, I'll go to a meeting. Break off friendships? Make wife wonder why i can't talk to her about this stuff?? That's a tough one.
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Old 05-06-2010, 11:58 AM
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Originally Posted by Oddman View Post
Sobriety envy is exactly what I have. So am I willing to do whatever it takes to achieve it? That's the part I'm struggling with. I mean, whatever it takes?? Yeah, I'll go to a meeting. Break off friendships? Make wife wonder why i can't talk to her about this stuff?? That's a tough one.
Great saying in AA "First things first" so before you project your sobriety away the first thing is go get to that meeting, nothing else need concern you at the moment as you don't have anything other than tit bits that you have picked up from various, could be reliable or not, sources about what your next steps will be after the meeting...

That projecting thing took some time and work for me to get under control in sobriety but its much better, i would sit there thinking about a move or a new job and before i knew it in my head i was retired and deciding which state i wanted to live in and then how many people will be at my funeral...we are friggin crazy man pre-steps...time to get restored to sanity:-)
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Old 05-06-2010, 12:21 PM
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Originally Posted by Soph View Post
I have sobriety-envy.
Sobriety envy is exactly what I started to feel after a few months of lurking here. Someone would say "I have 60 days", and I'd glower to myself and think "I wish I had 60 days!" while pounding back another drink. Then I noticed that it had been 60 days since I had first wished I had 60 days.
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Old 05-06-2010, 12:28 PM
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Originally Posted by Oddman View Post
I don't really feel like writing much. Think I'll read some more posts. Kinda like going to a meeting and just listening. I'm such a FAKE. I haven't gotten myself to a meeting!! I just read a lot of books about meetings, and listen to meetings on my ipod. What a joke right?!?!

God I'm pissy today. This is only day 2, but hey!!!!
No that isn't a JOKE! Some of us are not even able to go to meetings like we would like to and this Internet Gig is one of the best solutions that I've come to find. Matter of fact I didn't even know how to register or google in 2005. My tech guy registered me here. LOL my first post was a day or so afterward and I think it was in the Alanon or nar-anon forums here.

Doesn't matter we are all here this is the same as a meeting although we do suggest F2F (face to Face) but sometimes it isn't possible for many of us. So yeah your OK! Day two is awesome! Day ? Well it is only Today. None of us have anything over anyone in this field. Seen it too many times. Relapse unfortunately happens to many just wish it could leave me alone for about 10 years

Good luck and God Bless!
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Old 05-06-2010, 12:28 PM
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Oh yeah Normal I know what that is

A cycle on a washing machine
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Old 05-06-2010, 01:38 PM
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hi,oddman, i got a 3 yr old 2, congrats...an also struggling with stayin sober,for any given period,2 weeks seems to be the max ive managed,...sobriety envy is exactly what i have..me too, i think in all honesty, everyone wants off this entrapment, of bad habit, booze..addiction,i seem to go from one xtreme to the other..breakin patterns of behaviour is hard,..changing attitudes of mind is hard..not reacting to pressures and stress...without the aid of a bottle is hard... day 11 here, good luck to you to,its tough but gotta be better...than this misery of drunken stupor,an all the crazy baggage that goes with this nonsense...
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Old 05-06-2010, 01:54 PM
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I think for day 2 you're doing pretty well Oddman - I was usually wondering whether I could move.

Like others have said, recovery's a personal thing - find your way and do it 110%.

But...if you think AA might be your way and somethings stopping you from going?
Might as well go and scratch the itch

I agree about the willingness to go to any lengths - you have to - it's very hard to change a life especially when everyone else doesn't seem to have to change theirs - but it really is so undeniably worth it....don't get lost in the pissiness. It passes...

just don't go skipping too far ahead either...one day at time is enough. All those issues will still be there whenever it is you meet them - but you'll be better equipped by waiting than by running off to meet them now

Just keep it simple - relax, regroup, and recover

D
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