kv816

Called an LEO to my house last night to do a report for harassing communications. I have said everything I know to say to make him stop calling me (including begging and pleading with many flat out DO NOT CALL ANYMORE's).

He sent me a text message, from yet another phone number I don't recognize, saying that he's trying to do what I want and not call me anymore but he had to let me know he was thinking about me, he loves me very much and can't wait to be with me again. He just doesn't get it.

I have to go to the county he lives him, because there are two domestic reports from a year ago from when I was living with him.

The LEO said the hardest thing might be that there is no physical harm, or even a threat for it (other than against himself). Right now he's just using words of I love you, I want you, I need you. LEO said a judge might look at that and say "just ignore it".

I'm hoping the judge will understand the whole drinking Jekyl and Hyde thing. The reports from a year ago might help. This is what he did when he was drinking. He's not drinking now, but he's not getting any help overcoming his addiction. So when times get tough, he might drink again and then Lord knows what I'm up against.

His house phone is in my name, so I could easily shut off his phone. I could easily change my number too. But if he can't get a hold of me that way his next best option is to just show up. THAT is what I'm trying to avoid.

I'm holding strong, holding my ground. It's got to stop. I can't and don't want to be with him anymore. I wish he could understand that.

suki44883

Since he is calling from different numbers, shutting off his house phone won't do any good. I'd give second thoughts to changing your phone number. The judge might ask why you didn't do that before going for a TRO. You don't know for sure that he would show up, but if he did, you could involve the police and then you would have a better chance at getting the TRO. Of course, this is all my opinion, but it sounds to me like you are skipping a step by going for a TRO before changing your phone number.

kv816

Thanks sukki.

I have changed my phone number, twice. And it was HELL. He showed up at my house, he called my boss AT HOME, left voice mails for our secretary, called the pd and had them page me, harassed the school my kids go to (and second time they are the ones that gave the new number to him).

I'm just trying to avoid all of that, again, as much as possible. Is that selfish?

suki44883

Not at all. I wasn't aware of all that. Go for the TRO.

naive

hi kv-

despite the chance that he might appear on your doorstep, i think if i was you, i would change my phone number AND turn of his phone. mine stalked me as yours until i changed my phone number.

the reason that i would turn off his phone is not so he can't call, but merely because it is in your name, which makes you liable for his bills. and we all know that they are not great at paying bills, so it might be a problem for you in the future.

naive

kittykitty

hi kv,
I'm awaiting a court date for my RO. After I filed an official complaint (incident report) with the local police department, the officer actually called him herself, and explained to him that his calls/attempts at contact were unwelcomed, and if he attempted to contact me in any way, including showing up at my house, he would be charged with harrassment. He told her he understood, and wouldn't try to contact me anymore. If he does, even just a text message, all I have to do is call the station (i would call 911 if he came to the house) and let them know, and the police will arrest him. I don't think he would be stupid enough to let that happen, but then again, he's an alcoholic, so who knows. That's why i'm going for the RO.

My ex is the same as yours, hasn't really threatened me or hurt me yet, but i've witnessed his tendency towards violence even when he is sober, like throwing an ironing board across a room. I know that when he drinks he does things he wouldn't normally do sober. My state is kind of the same, in order to get an order he almost has to hit me first. I told the woman who filed it, his last voicemail was desperate, and involved crying and pleading... sounded suicidal. "If he doesn't care about his own life, why would he care about mine?" That is what I i will have to convince the judge, that when he drinks is when I am in danger. That's when he becomes unpredictable, and a threat.

I didn't change my phone number. I've had this phone number for over 10 years, and it is my business phone number. All of my business gear, car magnets, uniforms, business cards, licenses, everything has this phone number on it, not to mention hundreds of clients and friends from over the years. I look at it the same way you do, if I change my number he will definitely show up (or just look on my business website for the new one), so then what? I have to move? I'm not changing my life for him. That's why I broke it off in the first place.

I refuse to scamper into the bushes and hide from him anymore. My tax dollars pay for this legal system, and for the local police department, and it's time for me to take advantage of their services. I'm lucky to live in a very small town though. I would hate to think what it would be like in a big city.

Good luck, and keep me posted!