Peter G

Made it to day 9. I had to put back going to the treatment center though, due to financial stuff, but holding out that I'll stay strong until I can get there.

I've had dreams of myself getting wasted which is really weird, because even in the dreams I feel like crap for doing it. When I woke on one occasion I had to really check myself to make sure I hadn't actually gone out and tied 1 on. Strange indeed.

Something I did to bide my time during cravings was to watch movies, and I noticed something that disturbed me. Why is it that whenever there is some sort of tragic incident the hero always gets f**ked up? I mean in 20 movies, I watched it happen about 15 times. Guy loses girl - goes to bar and gets faced. Guy disarms bomb, has PTSD and goes home to hoist JD until he passes out. Girl finds out son has cancer and drinks copious amounts of wine until passing out. Bloody hell, the deck has been stacked against us for so long and I never noticed. It's like Hollywood style conditioning, like, if you're worth a salt and want to be the hero in your own life story, the minute something goes wrong you must immediately head to the bar and get sh!tfaced. Never noticed this before but man, that's really disturbing on many levels.

As for me, I still find myself rationalizing taking that "one drink" which I absolutely know is such bullsh!t. I'll be happy, confident, looking forward to a sober day, thinking of a new project or planning something that will keep me occupied and WHAM, out of nowhere is the "just have one drink, just the one". And it doesn't stop, it gets more compelling, like I've some evil booze salesman stuck inside my brain and he's very good at his job. It is bloody amazing how close I can actually come to believing that voice, even while I simultaneously feel good about being sober and know that it is improving me tenfold. It's like, when it comes to booze, I can easily throw common sense out the window and do the stupidest thing possible. I would never see a cliff and say - "hey! let me just go straight up to the edge and start tap dancing". Common sense tells me that is idiotic. But let me hear that voice and I am just a whole new level of stupid.

My added weapon now is that I actually enjoy waking up and not feeling like I'm not about to die. I know it's only 9 days, but the physical improvements for me are literally night and day already. I've spent so much time sick as a dog, knowing only a bottle will ease the suffering, and now it's just not like that at this point. Damned cool. Starting to remember a time when I was physically fit and when I didn't depend on booze for anything and everything in my life.

Anyway, just wanted to check in and say hello to those who helped me so far. I'm still sober, and still fighting the good fight. @newbeginnings the audio you linked to my last thread really helps me, so thanks heaps. Anyone have any other advice I will happily added to my arsenal.

Toronto68

From Here to Eternity (an old one!) showcases a lot of boozing too. The Frank Sinatra character is particularly miserable. I saw this film a couple of months ago and observed the alcoholism in it.

I guess just keep using the lessons you know and watch for new ones.

Dee74

With movies I think the thing to remember is it's fiction...and most of these guys aren't playing alcoholics...and when they do, they pretty much always end up sober

Sorry about the dreams binder - but a few people have posted about them lately - I dunno the science, I just look at it as just another part of our mind and body healing

You're sounding good tho - and congrats on the 9 days!
D

Draciack

Congrats on the 9 days!

It's practically astounding how many things depict alcohol, and I had no idea just how many until I tried to quit. In 'Chuck' tonight alone, every other scene featured a drink. And with Cinco de Mayo coming up...yeesh.

I can completely relate to the dreams as well. They've happened when I quit smoking and tried to quit drinking. Could be an identity thing but who knows? Congrats again! 9 days is a strong start.

Peter G

Thanks heaps guys. @Dee @draciak, yep the dreams are just weird - and very vivid. Started at day 6 and I've had 3 so far. Hope they stop soon enough - but then again once I wake up and realize I didn't actually do the deed I feel extremely relieved. In a strange way I think they may have a hand in keeping me sober. When your first thought in the day is the memory of an uncontrollable and sh!tty binge that you're glad never really happened, it's maybe just a little harder to justify taking that "one drink" during the coming day. I dunno. Looking for the positive in it I guess

As for the Hollywood thing, I'm a bit tongue in cheek really, but there is a romanticizing of booze that I am starting to notice now a lot more since this brief patch of sobriety. It's like the "go to" meditation tool, while "hero" works out a problem.

Dee74

Believe me the movies and TV shows irked me too - and the songs about drinking and drugs....

but it all kinda recedes after a while

D

topspin

I can really relate, ..... Unnessesary Triggers (sp?)

I used to get home after work at 2am and immedietly start listening to new and classic Blues. Just an invitation to get hammered; ... for me. Or a collection of classic Willie Nelson, ... felt so natural to just get toasted.

I noticed what you're saying about the movies ! Like Dee says, it's just fiction , guys writing scripts for profit.

With only 30 days sober after 9 yars of heavy drinking, ....now; .. I read a book after work , and have become very cautious about what I've chosen to watch .....; very little really. Finding other things to do has been the best !, cooking healthy meals , light vigorous excersize, organizing , cleaning , getting outside, to the library, etc.

Spending enough time here at SR has been invaluable. Reading what some of these folks with some serious length in their sobriety have to say.

Congratulations on the 9 days , ........stay strong my friend

Kmber2010

Congrats on your sober time and for making the necessary changes in your lifestyle to sustain sobriety.

I couldn't help but chuckle when I read the above snippet from your post. Hubby and I were just watching this comedy the other night (our new routine is dinner then a movie then bed) called It's Complicated. Ok, I thought it would be funny since it was about life after divorce etc. and had Meryl Streep in it. OMG.....the whole darn movie was like drink, drink, drink. Hubby points out that the whole thing was like an advertisement for alcohol. Yeah, I got through it but man.....I wish they would have shown the negative effects of boozing hard. That got a big BOOO from us.

I hate how many military flicks (we watch alot of those) show boozing as a way to let off steam or like you said, films depicting a character getting drinking to get over a breakup etc.

Can someone say subliminal advertising.....or something like that....yuck.

Worst part was when I was drinking....I would watch flicks like that and actually justify that my drinking was normal because - they do it in the movies!!! They can't be wrong.....yeah the nonsense we sell ourselves when we are on the bottle.

Good movies though that made me start thinking about quitting....When a Man Loves a Woman and Life of the Party - Story of Beatrice. Just a few I watched when I was drinking and began to realize that I am an alcoholic.

All the Best

Freeport

When you quit drinking, it becomes painfully obvious how we're just bombarded with images of alcohol use and abuse. Advertising and sponsorships everywhere, movies, regular news features about new breweries or wineries, magazines devoted to food and wine (I think that's the title of one!). I'm a big baseball fan and this spring especially while attending games I'm flabbergasted at the volume of drinking I see. Almost feels like our (American) national pastime is a monument to getting soused.

With time passing with my sobriety, it seems to have bothered me less. But I will say go figure that alcohol use is so rampant in western societies...

Congrats on approaching the two-week mark, binder. You can rise to the challenge I'm sure!

yeahgr8

There are a couple of good films i like which completely revolve around drinking and crime, state of grace would be one...don't watch it yet hehe

The thing is when the detective, the soldier, the father of the bride goes and gets pissed on a reason they do that and dont do it again the next day...these films that you are watching does the whole dialogue, thoughts, feelings and events revolve around drinking or do they have one big night, do the bottle and in the next scenes days/weeks pass with them getting on with their lives...

I know what you are talking about but i dont remember seeing a film where a character is drinking alcoholically unless they are plaaying the part of an alcoholic in the film, why should non-alcoholics not get bombed every so often or enjoy getting pissed on a Friday?

They're just triggers to you so try not to let it bother you so much, as said if you change over time to be a different person than you are today then things like this will cease to bother you, in fact you will smile at them instead of **** yourself:-)

Horselover

Hey congratulations on your sober week and then some. That first week is not a walk in the park for sure.

There are some movies in Hollywood that don't glorify drinking though. I can think of one off the top of my head that absolutely shows the horrors of alcoholism and that is "Leaving Las Vegas." A friend of mine was watching it and enjoying her 1 Saturday night beer. She couldn't finish the beer because of the portrayal of alcohol in the movie.

You are right that the majority of movies and songs do not accurately show the effects of its abuse, but as Dee said, they are fiction for the most part. You will find your mind doesn't even notice this stuff as it does right now. It will fade believe me.

Peter G

Leaving Las Vegas I remember vividly, since it's basically how I spent the last 2 years of my life lol!! I was an all day, every day drinker and only sober when my body couldn't take anymore... then back at it again in no time. I think that was an excellent movie for portraying the end result of alcoholism, and also the exception that proves the rule.

Again I'll say it to clarify, my Hollywood comments were quite tongue in cheek, not meant to be taken too seriously I suppose. These movies don't cause me to crave or any such thing, (thankfully). It's just that being sober I find myself looking for answers as to why I succumbed to this disease so completely, as if an outside influence had some part to play. Honestly I fully realize it's nothing more than the fact I have a disease and, as such, I had a propensity to be a drunk if exposed long enough.

By the same token, while it's obviously written as some kind of self destructive moment in an otherwise glorious plot, the common theme of a hero getting "off his face" does leave a message to impressionable minds - that getting sh!tfaced after some tragic event is an acceptable form of conflict resolution. I guess I just see it as a bad message for kids, now that I can understand how insidious and downright dangerous our disease can be.

At this stage of my alcoholism a trigger for me is nothing. Forget a movie, a hang nail works fine. Movies, however, offer me some kind of escape from thinking about drinking. Likely that's the same for most of us. (?)

Having said that, I do remember a time when it would take quite a bit to make me go off on some drunken bender, such as the death of a loved one, or an earthquake, tsunami, e.t.c... I wonder if somewhere in the recesses of my own mind I saw the heroes of my favorite films solving their issues with a bottle and thus found it far more acceptable to try the same methods, expecting a similar result. Anyway, it's no biggie, just venting on some stuff I'm noticing now that my brain can focus on something besides buying another bottle lol!

State of Grace was a great movie @yeahgr8, mostly because I love Gary Oldman's work. His role as Sid in "Sid and Nancy" is one of the best acting performances I've ever had the pleasure. Was also the first movie I saw Sean Penn act where I didn't think of him as Spicoli lol!

NEOMARXIST

What I always say to myself when I see them hitting the booze or pictures of Lads/girls out on the p*ss in bars in the local paper or on the TV or pretty much on every TV programme or film! LOL. Is... Yes but they aren't alcoholics. But I am!!!

I am an alcoholic so that is a fudamental difference to most people depicted in TV or film. Like Dee says in film the alcoholic often eventually gets sober or else he just dies a hopeless, low-life, pathetic drunk. Probably more the reality but not what Hollywood want's to depict I doubt.

As long as I always remind myself that I'm an alcoholic and a drug addict then it really doesn't bother me. I love the way they are hitting the whisky or whatever on TV and then about 10 minutes later acting really sober and 'normal'. The reality would be slurring and passing out on the floor and waking and swigging booze as soon as my eyes open. Not pretty or glamorous just like the reality of alcoholism and drug addiction.

It lessens in time untill you can actually smile at it rather than it annoy you. It really doesn't bother me most of the time and when it does then I need to 'work' my recovery.

Rev

I think this is a good example of Hollywood's rediculous portrayal of sex, as well. If you remember, the last thing Nick Cage does before his liver implodes is have sex with Elizabeth Shue (as if such a thing would even be possible for someone in that state). Then, of course, there are all the scenes where someone dies, everyone's crying, then they start having sex. Or someone is being chased by an axe murderer, they're terrified, then start having sex. Hollywood is nuts.

Rev

priceyjunk

hey binderdondat!
I saw your post on my thread the other day, fortunately, it doesnt seem to be a recurring problem for me. But i had a strong episode of craving yesterday, while driving home. I actually got quite anxious cause i was itching to stop by a store to pick up some booze. I used to get these urges quite often, usually the evening of the day in which i had sworn to give up drinking forever, after yet another night totally pissed!

It used to really depress me as giving in tended to increase my sense of self loathing. But i decided to do something somebody else on another thread mentioned and timed my craving. I was shocked, the whole thing lasted only 5 mins. within 10, i was back to my old resolve to stay off the booze. Before, i'd get the craving and think I'd have to deal with it the whole night, so i'd give in, buy a bottle of wine, and end up drinking it, despite the fact that the craving would have passed by the time I got it, and which probably only served to increase my self hatred. It was a real revelation for me, and its made me more confident to deal with any cravings i get.

regarding all those media images, IMHO, the media promotes alcohol by presenting a real positive image associated with it. Characters binge drink to have a good time, to show how 'hard' they are etc etc, but years of experience with alcoholism and self loathing has given me a wealth of evidence to know that all that is a lie, and that there are no good times for me with alcohol, and that it doesnt make me strong, rather it would kill me. just keeping that in mind helps me.

hang in there!

Rev

Time your craving? That's AWESOME!!!

Rev

Peter G

Yep Rev, that is a great idea. I'm adding it to my list of things to do to stay sober this very second. @priceyjunk Bloody awesome!!