Cant help it
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 3
Cant help it
Hello everyone. This is my first time posting here so I´m sorry if this isnt the correct place to post. I cannot sleep my mind is going round and round. I just dont know if my husband is some sort of alcoholic and maybe you can help me! Im very unhappy but he makes me think Im crazy and that I just want to control him... maybe hes right??? Weve been married for two years and it has never changed, he never drinks during the week but when the weekend comes he will ALWAYS get drunk at least one day. He gets very very drunk, I tell him to stop when I see hes had too many but hewont. It is always socially (with his friends, who all drink like that) he never drinks alone. He gets extremely drunk every time and then I have to drive us home, he sometimes shouts and me and makes scenes in front of other people, or sometimes when we get home he fights with me after I confront him about getting drunk again (he tells me im crazy) he has gotten into physical fights with other men while under alcohol effects, he has never gotten physical with me. Please help me understand if Im crazy! should I see a therapist? Am I exaggerating?
Thank you all... Im just so sad I feel Im trapped but I love him but sometimes I just want to leave him...
Thank you all... Im just so sad I feel Im trapped but I love him but sometimes I just want to leave him...
We Do Recover
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Texas
Posts: 2,619
You are in the right place. Welcome! 
Glad you are here. No, you are not crazy. Yes, your husband has a problem with alcohol but only he can say whether or not he is an alcoholic. You do have places such as this forum and even Alanon can help you. The focus will be to help you get better, whether or not he decides to. You no longer have to be a prisoner of his addiction. Keep posting. You are not alone. 
Glad you are here. No, you are not crazy. Yes, your husband has a problem with alcohol but only he can say whether or not he is an alcoholic. You do have places such as this forum and even Alanon can help you. The focus will be to help you get better, whether or not he decides to. You no longer have to be a prisoner of his addiction. Keep posting. You are not alone. 
Im so sad and frustrated
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: carolina girl
Posts: 578
Palomita,
Welcome, and keep reading the messages here, they will help you to understand what you and so many others are going through, and guide you towards taking care of yourself. Welcome and hugs to you!
Welcome, and keep reading the messages here, they will help you to understand what you and so many others are going through, and guide you towards taking care of yourself. Welcome and hugs to you!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: South Africa
Posts: 330
Welcome from me too. The feelings that you are feeling due to his actions are so overwhelming . Keep coming back. You will heal from your pain
he tells me im crazy . Please help me understand if Im crazy! should I see a therapist? Am I exaggerating? No you are not crazy. You are living with crazy making behaviour. You are in pain and there are plans that you can make for YOU that make you feel better.
Come back ,read a lot here and you will learn a lot from all the people here. We care.
Hugs
he tells me im crazy . Please help me understand if Im crazy! should I see a therapist? Am I exaggerating? No you are not crazy. You are living with crazy making behaviour. You are in pain and there are plans that you can make for YOU that make you feel better.
Come back ,read a lot here and you will learn a lot from all the people here. We care.
Hugs
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Welcome to the SR family!
You are not alone! We know what it feels like to have a loved one addicted to alcohol. You will find lots of information and support for yourself here. I recommend the sticky (permanent) posts at the top of this forum.
One of the first things I learned about addiction to alcohol is the 3 C's:
I did not Cause it
I can not Control it
I will not Cure it
I also educated myself on alcoholism. It appears your husband has a problem with stopping when he begins drinking. He is a binge drinker. Alcoholism is progressive and it DOES get worse if untreated.
Unfortunately, you will not be able to control, or cure your husband of his alcoholism. He will need to find his own way, and that usually means hitting a bottom physically, financially, emotionally and/or spiritually.
The good news is that there is support and hope for you! Alanon meetings are 12 steps based support meetings for friends and family of alcoholics. The 12 steps are based on the same steps used in AA. Here is a questionaire to determine if Alanon is right for you:
Millions of people are affected by the excessive drinking of someone close. The following twenty questions are designed to help you decide whether or not you need Al-Anon:
1.Do you worry about how much someone else drinks?
2.Do you have money problems because of someone else's drinking?
3.Do you tell lies to cover up for someone else's drinking?
4.Do you feel that if the drinker loved you, he or she would stop drinking, to please you?
5.Do you blame the drinker's behavior on his or her companions?
6.Are plans frequently upset, or cancelled, or meals delayed because of the drinker?
7.Do you make threats, such as, "If you don't stop drinking, I'll leave you"?
8.Do you secretly try to smell the drinker's breath?
9.Are you afraid to upset someone for fear it will set off a drinking bout?
10.Have you been hurt or embarrassed by a drinker's behavior?
11.Are holidays and gatherings spoiled because of drinking?
12.Have you considered calling the police for help in fear of abuse?
13.Do you search for hidden alcohol?
14.Do you often ride in a car with a driver who has been drinking?
15.Have you refused social invitations out of fear or anxiety?
16.Do you sometimes feel like a failure when you think of the lengths you have gone to control the drinker?
17.Do you think that, if the drinker stopped drinking, your other problems would be solved?
18.Do you ever threaten to hurt yourself to scare the drinker?
19.Do you feel angry, confused or depressed most of the time?
20.Do you feel there is no one who understands your problems?
If you have answered 'yes' to three or more of these questions, Al-Anon or Alateen may help.
__________________
You are not alone! We know what it feels like to have a loved one addicted to alcohol. You will find lots of information and support for yourself here. I recommend the sticky (permanent) posts at the top of this forum.
One of the first things I learned about addiction to alcohol is the 3 C's:
I did not Cause it
I can not Control it
I will not Cure it
I also educated myself on alcoholism. It appears your husband has a problem with stopping when he begins drinking. He is a binge drinker. Alcoholism is progressive and it DOES get worse if untreated.
Unfortunately, you will not be able to control, or cure your husband of his alcoholism. He will need to find his own way, and that usually means hitting a bottom physically, financially, emotionally and/or spiritually.
The good news is that there is support and hope for you! Alanon meetings are 12 steps based support meetings for friends and family of alcoholics. The 12 steps are based on the same steps used in AA. Here is a questionaire to determine if Alanon is right for you:
Millions of people are affected by the excessive drinking of someone close. The following twenty questions are designed to help you decide whether or not you need Al-Anon:
1.Do you worry about how much someone else drinks?
2.Do you have money problems because of someone else's drinking?
3.Do you tell lies to cover up for someone else's drinking?
4.Do you feel that if the drinker loved you, he or she would stop drinking, to please you?
5.Do you blame the drinker's behavior on his or her companions?
6.Are plans frequently upset, or cancelled, or meals delayed because of the drinker?
7.Do you make threats, such as, "If you don't stop drinking, I'll leave you"?
8.Do you secretly try to smell the drinker's breath?
9.Are you afraid to upset someone for fear it will set off a drinking bout?
10.Have you been hurt or embarrassed by a drinker's behavior?
11.Are holidays and gatherings spoiled because of drinking?
12.Have you considered calling the police for help in fear of abuse?
13.Do you search for hidden alcohol?
14.Do you often ride in a car with a driver who has been drinking?
15.Have you refused social invitations out of fear or anxiety?
16.Do you sometimes feel like a failure when you think of the lengths you have gone to control the drinker?
17.Do you think that, if the drinker stopped drinking, your other problems would be solved?
18.Do you ever threaten to hurt yourself to scare the drinker?
19.Do you feel angry, confused or depressed most of the time?
20.Do you feel there is no one who understands your problems?
If you have answered 'yes' to three or more of these questions, Al-Anon or Alateen may help.
__________________
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Australia
Posts: 285
hello and welcome to the SR forum.
I hope you find some information and suport here.
You are not alone
You are not going mad.
Please read through the "sticky" posts at the topof this page. keep posting and talking.
We are here for you
I hope you find some information and suport here.
You are not alone
You are not going mad.
Please read through the "sticky" posts at the topof this page. keep posting and talking.
We are here for you
Member
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: europe
Posts: 624
Wellcome to SR, just wanted to second everything said by others, especially what said by Angelina:
Yes, your husband has a problem with alcohol but only he can say whether or not he is an alcoholic.
Reading your post I kind of thought to myself: God I wish I was back at where she is now, and knowing everything I know now, I'd do so many things differently. As regardless of the fact whether or not he's an alcoholic or just have a drinking problem that will lead him to alcoholism or maybe not, in my experience one thing is for sure:
YOU CAN'T CONTROL IT OR HELP IT OR MAKE HIM UNDERSTAND OR SEE something he does not want to understand or see.
Struggling for years with my AH desease I tried every kind of approach you could think of (talking, explaining, begging, crying, screaming, blackmailing, leaving him and the rest over and over again) but none of it helped. It only made more chaos in our lives.
You can only decide what is acceptable and good for you, take care of yourself and educate yourself. In my opinion, that's the only way that can end up being helpful to him to.
Best wishes and take care
Yes, your husband has a problem with alcohol but only he can say whether or not he is an alcoholic.
Reading your post I kind of thought to myself: God I wish I was back at where she is now, and knowing everything I know now, I'd do so many things differently. As regardless of the fact whether or not he's an alcoholic or just have a drinking problem that will lead him to alcoholism or maybe not, in my experience one thing is for sure:
YOU CAN'T CONTROL IT OR HELP IT OR MAKE HIM UNDERSTAND OR SEE something he does not want to understand or see.
Struggling for years with my AH desease I tried every kind of approach you could think of (talking, explaining, begging, crying, screaming, blackmailing, leaving him and the rest over and over again) but none of it helped. It only made more chaos in our lives.
You can only decide what is acceptable and good for you, take care of yourself and educate yourself. In my opinion, that's the only way that can end up being helpful to him to.
Best wishes and take care
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