Feels like a good cry is in order.....

Old 05-01-2010, 05:04 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Just for today....
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Venus
Posts: 118
Feels like a good cry is in order.....

Up until now I have been handling things really well. It's not unusual for my circle of friends and family to say to me on a daily basis "I don't know how you can be so strong, but ZI am so proud of you'

Tonight I feel the exact opposite. While my stbxah is out on what I am counting his 4th date, I am sitting home with the kids, feeling overwhelmed, tired and lost.

It may have something to do with the "down time" I have this weekend. I have had plans the last couple weekends and have been out with friends, ect. Today I tackled the weeding in the backyard. I was looking around at the deck that needs to be restained, the porch that needs to be restained, the kids swingset that needs to be restained, I need to add new woodchips to all of the landscaping beds, the grass is getting long...I was just feeling overwhelmed, and I think it finally sunk in that I am going to be on my own.

STBXAH has offered to come and help me out with these things, he pointed out to me that it is going to be a big undertaking and if I needed his help he would give it to me. I have a lot of friends that will help me too...

I am not regretting my decesion at all , but sitting home tonight while he is probably out on a date is making me feel very "disposable" After 11 long years this is the climax. He is just getting right back into the swing of things, probably using the same lies and lines he used on me when I fell hard and fast for him when we started dating. This makes my stomach turn. I can't wait for him to move out, for this to be final and to get some closure.

I am gonna go hug my kids, thank my HP and have a good cry......
froglegs is offline  
Old 05-01-2010, 05:27 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
RIP Sweet Suki
 
suki44883's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,726
Awww...

I'm sorry you are feeling sad, but maybe try looking at it this way. You have a home with landscaping and children who love you. You have friends who care about you and are willing to help out when needed. You have what many people can only dream of having. Sure, it takes upkeep, but that just goes along with having a home you can call your own.

Dating really isn't all it's cracked up to be. I'd much rather spend time at home with my kids watching a funny movie on TV or reading or just hanging out than I would having to get dressed up and going out on a date.

How about having a "staining party?" Go buy the stain, invite some friends over and have each one bring a dish, and afterward have a cookout. It could be a blast now that the weather is getting warmer.
suki44883 is offline  
Old 05-01-2010, 05:27 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Member
 
Hammerhead's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 545
Aaawww froglegs....

Today I tackled the weeding in the backyard. I was looking around at the deck that needs to be restained, the porch that needs to be restained, the kids swingset that needs to be restained, I need to add new woodchips to all of the landscaping beds, the grass is getting long...I was just feeling overwhelmed, and I think it finally sunk in that I am going to be on my own.
Girl... me too... but I thought of it a lil bit differently...

I dug up 3 ornery stumps yesterday... I was so relieved that I didn't have to contend with an AH... I took all my aggression on those 3 stumps and boy did I give it to them!

Now I must admit that I had to learn to be handy... and it can be overwhelming... but in manageable pieces... make a list and prioritize it. Can a neighborhood kid mow your grass and add the woodchips?

Heck... you might consider having a "clean-up my yard...stain the deck... he's gone party" and provide a BBQ.... It would be a great opportunity to have friends over AND get work done.

There is more than one way to look at things... you're smart... you can do this...

((hugs))

**SUKI - GREAT MINDS THINK ALIKE**

Last edited by Hammerhead; 05-01-2010 at 05:29 PM. Reason: Suki is reading my mind :)
Hammerhead is offline  
Old 05-01-2010, 05:28 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
RIP Sweet Suki
 
suki44883's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,726
Sounds like you and I are of the same mind, hammerhead.
suki44883 is offline  
Old 05-01-2010, 05:39 PM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Member
 
coffeedrinker's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: minneapolis, mn
Posts: 2,762
Isn't it great that we can come to this site, get some feelings out, process a little, and receive some cyber-hugs?

It does sound a little overwhelming, but also that you will take care of things - with the help of your friends who surely WANT to lend a hand.

You are at home with children that are needy, while he's out playing. You have certainly chosen the more noble, and rewarding of the two. The dividends that will be paid to you as a result are priceless.

(((Hug)))
coffeedrinker is offline  
Old 05-01-2010, 05:50 PM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 534
I know how you feel. My Xh is on his 3rd girlfriend already, and I have yet to date. It feels lonely at times, but the thought of dating right now makes me laugh.
wanting is offline  
Old 05-01-2010, 05:56 PM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Reality, NJ
Posts: 853
I have been through that..BUT it felt great once I accomplished everything. I have never had a feeling like that in my life...oh and the date thing..I have learned it never really lasts..Most dont stick around and now I want to smack myself in the head for ever being upset up that..I too sit home with no kids. Most of my friends are just starting their families so no single ones left. I have to rebuild so I actually have something to do on Saturday nights cause I am bored beyond belief now that the house is in tip top shape...Hugs
lulu1974 is offline  
Old 05-01-2010, 06:02 PM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Member
 
Hammerhead's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 545
froglegs...

While my stbxah is out on what I am counting his 4th date, I am sitting home with the kids, feeling overwhelmed, tired and lost.
You're counting his dates....his useless, brainless, same o crap dates, telling the same lies dates...

... your time spent with your children is wonderful and admirable... opportunities to make wonderful memories... think of the QUALITY time you have to spend with your children.

STBXAH has offered to come and help me out with these things, he pointed out to me that it is going to be a big undertaking and if I needed his help he would give it to me. I have a lot of friends that will help me too...
Yeah you can count on him to tell you it's going to be a BIG undertaking... that's a hook... to make YOU think you need him and that YOU can't do it!

It's not that it's a BIG job... it's a time management job.... you can manage just fine without him... you have a lot of friends that will help.

I am not regretting my decesion at all , but sitting home tonight while he is probably out on a date is making me feel very "disposable" After 11 long years this is the climax. He is just getting right back into the swing of things, probably using the same lies and lines he used on me when I fell hard and fast for him when we started dating. This makes my stomach turn. I can't wait for him to move out, for this to be final and to get some closure.

I am gonna go hug my kids, thank my HP and have a good cry......
You feeling disposable is you feeling disposable... can you for a moment feel that you have a bright future... because it WILL get better... I promise.

BTW... you mention that you can't wait for him to move out... WTF... he's living there and NOT helping with the yard... it's not a matter of if you need him to help you do anything... but the lazy bum has his priorities all screwed up... he's out "partying" but offers to help... if you need it. WTF!

Cry if you must... let it out... get it out... but please know that you are so much better than he treats you.

((more hugs to you))
Hammerhead is offline  
Old 05-01-2010, 06:09 PM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Just for today....
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Venus
Posts: 118
Thanks everyone ((hugs))

My best friend just called me...I was talking to her about how I was feeling. I hate burdening my friends with this stuff, I must sound like a broken record. It's nice to have a place to come and share with people who have "been there, done that"

I love the idea of having a party to get some things done...my friends are totally motivated by free beer and food! LOL... I love that and it makes me feel better and more hopeful already.

So, who's free to stain a deck, a swing set and a patio in oh, about 2 weeks? LOL

Thanks again for making me feel better.
froglegs is offline  
Old 05-01-2010, 06:14 PM
  # 10 (permalink)  
Member
 
Hammerhead's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 545
I'm game... but Venus seems like a very long trip is in order... how long does it take to get there? :rotfxko
Hammerhead is offline  
Old 05-01-2010, 07:04 PM
  # 11 (permalink)  
Member
 
coffeedrinker's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: minneapolis, mn
Posts: 2,762
doesn't that sound fun??! where do you live, froggie?
coffeedrinker is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 04:50 PM.