dedubya

Just wanted to update because I havent posted in a while......
well I am doing better but not where I need to be. I really dont know what to say. I have cut back to a few beers a day but that isnt where I want to be. I feel pretty good, life is going good. But I want to quit!! I guess I am scared of the unknown- I work very effectively at least 50 usually more hours a week but what is this monkey on my back. Useless post, just wanted to touch base.
Peace and Serenity to you all
Dub

bananagrrrl

Hey Dub!

I thought you checked into rehab? Did I miss something?

NewBeginning010

Dub, good to hear you are doing well & almost there. What do you think you need to do to get yourself 100% on this one. It must be agonizing to be so close but feel so far from the great feeling of beating this demon.

Come on Dub, cross the finish line & win. You will feel so much better about yourself for this achievement, you deserve it.

A few beers here & there just isnt worth the pain.

Take Care,

NB

dedubya

I am reading books, working my butt off, and I can't shake it. I really dont want to hit a bottom because I dont think I have yet- that is what sucks. I really just want to put this behind me. but it is yet to happen. Alcohol has done nothing for my life but medicated me- most of the time when I didn't need medication. Well- I know this is a selfish post.
God bless you all
Dub

dedubya

no you didnt miss anything- I couldnt get off of work. I am working on my next step. That was nice of you to know. I am trying....
Love and Peace
Dub

augustwest

love ya dub and i have wondered how you've been doing. sounds like things are somewhat better. that would be a good thing. i can tell you from my experience that the real change, the real growth and freedom and happiness could only occur after i ceased using all mind altering substances entirely. you say you want to stop drinking so why don't you do it? are you willing to do whatever it takes to stop drinking? once you reach that place of willingness the process or recovery can truly begin. all the best to you man.

dedubya

took some time off today to play my guitar- it is great, man, I just need to do it. I really, really, don't need to do alcohol. I know that. Anyway thanks. This continues....playing some Jeff Beck now, and for some reason I feel relaxed- which is not usual for me.
Peace and Calmness to all
Dub

Marlow

I used to smoke pot because I thought it made me smarter. I drank because the thought of a cocktail or cold beer got me through my work day. Here's the thing, the jokes on us. These substances hinder our work performances. I promise if you stopped drinking, those 50 hours would become much more bearable, and productive.

Dee74

Good to see you back Dub.
The struggle will go on just as long as you let it, mate.

D

OZboy

..always glad to know how you are..Oz..

Lenina

(((dubs)))

Glad to know you're OK. I was thinking of you. What keeps you holding on to the bottle?

Keep posting, I don't want you to have to suffer any more.

Much love,

Lenina

littlefish

I don't know if this is happening to you with "a few beers a day", but when I tried it, I noticed that I had all the same negative effects from low volume drinking as I did from high volume drinking.

Even if I meticulously spaced out my alcohol units and kept the total daily number at a reasonable level, much lower than my usual drink-to-get-drunk level, I felt just as horrible emotionally.

With "just" 2 to 4 beers a day, I still had morning anxiety, mental obsession, (it's 2 hours, 22 minutes and 14 seconds till my next beer.....), remorse, guilt, lack of interest in life, and my entire day was reduced to focusing on when I could pop the top on the next one!

I was astonished to see that changing the volume didn't make any difference. All the negative effects happened whether it was one beer, or 10.

dedubya

you are right! I feel the same (almost) as if I was drinking like I used to. For me I really think it is the depression or something due to knowing I have no control over this. I have NEVER been depressed- people always have seen 'Mr Positive' when everyone else is freaking out- so this depression thing is not familiar at all. Pretty sure that is it. Man I felt so great last year for those months I quit. I am so close but need to get closure on this. I am still planning to go back to rehab- but it costs a freaking fortune- the one I went to last year (which was awesome) was around $700 a day for 10 days (and my wonderful daughter is starting college in August which is cool but expensive) which I could swing (with cutbacks of course) because you don't drink obviously and meals etc. I think I just need to be in that environment for final closure- my surroundings which I really can't change at the moment seem to perpetuate this problem. I don't know- but I am not giving up!
Love to all
Dub

Hevyn

Hi Dub! I think you sound ready to rid yourself of this poison. I hope you'll give your body a chance to heal, and enjoy your life again without the stress that drinking brings to it. I'm always glad to see you posting, though - no matter what.

Kmber2010

Keep at it Dub. You can do this but it will take the final toss of the booze and no looking back to reach sobriety.

I have you in my thoughts but the initial withdrawal period may be rough. You know its right there within your grasp.

God Bless and keep on posting. I want to read about the sober Dub!! Routing for ya friend!