Washburn

Yesterday was tough!! I was in a good mood leaving work. Good moods want to make me drink; well so do bad moods too but thats besides the point...I was so happy for going 6 days clean, that the first thing that popped into my mead was drinking to celebrate. Me and my demons go head to head and fight it out. Kept repeating out loud over and over...I don't drink, I don't drink, i don't drink...I went into the deli anyway. As i walk through the door i made up my mind. NO, you don't drink. Walked out with a pack of smokes and some food. I got home and felt ehhhhh about it. I spend the rest of the night pretty much reading and pacing around my house...I figured as long as i didn't leave my house, i was good. I woke up today, tired as hell after 4 hours of sleep. and i expect it again tonight. I cant wait for saturday morning to sleep in.

This song hit home...Sober By Tool

Rev

That's one of the problems with sobriety. You usually don't feel good about your victories in the immediate term. It's more like, "Okay, okay! I won't drink! Gawd!" It's not till the next day, when you know you've come through it yet again, that you feel good about not drinking.

Congrats on your demonic bout last night. You have emerged victorious, having slain your foe, and hurled him from the mountaintop, yet again!

Rev

Toronto68

Wash, do you record yourself when you play guitar? And play it back when you don't feel like playing, while doing something else? That might not be a good idea all the time, since we're supposed to make the best of each new day. It might not hurt to pay yourself back when it "rains" though, while working on not drinking.

Reubena

Hi Wash,

I've had a few of those nights, too. Pacing around, wanting to drink, but not wanting to drink. Definitely can relate those feelings. Every morning I wake up sober, I am so glad I didn't drink the night before.

Not sure if this is relevant, but falling to sleep at night was hard for me the first 10 or so days, but now I am able to fall asleep much easier. Hope you'll find that too as you continue to stay sober.

Washburn

No. Because I'm still learning, I use that time to listen to whatever song I'm trying to learn. Ill put the song on repeat and listen over and over and over...I try it thou...

kyb5

Yeah I had a close call too. I still have a 1/2 pint of whiskey in my garage with about 2 shots left in it. I wanted to drink it last night, I don't know why.

I think that I didn't because I knew that that little bit wouldn't even get me buzzed. So I held it in my hand and then put it away.

I guess I'm proud of myself I just don't know today. I think I'd better go pour it out right now while I'm thinking about it.

Glad you made it through Wash.

least

Every time we resist the urge to drink, we get stronger and it gets easier to stay sober. Good for you for not giving in!

Horselover

I had to smile about the part in your thread where you wrote about drinking because your happy and drinking because your not. Well how true that statement is! We drank because that's all we knew to do. Time to find a new way of celebrating! I will treat myself to the bookstore or a blizzard at Dairy Queen or a pedicure or a walk in the mountains or . . .

You get my point. We can now really celebrate while zoning out. Just a thought and my humble opinion on the situation. You got through it but these thoughts are for the next time. Great job by the way!!

SparklingSeven

Glad you made it - it's torture but worth it when you don't give in. Well done.

Washburn

Dump It!!!

Horselover

LOL! Can we change that "while zoning out" to "instead of zoning out!!"

What a typo!!

Deschain

What he said. Why subject yourself to the temptation? Dump it!

kyb5

Yeah....I just did.


Thx.

Washburn

I was the King of excuses. To be honest, I was this close to actually accepting that I was going to be drinking for the rest of my life. I was ready to give up on beating myself up about it, buy a clock with all 5's on the face, and let it take over...

Some of my friends were even saying, "so what? you drink, I smoke Pot, He does Pills...We each have our own poison"...

Im the kinda guy that says "go big or go home"...So it was all or none with me. I had to go with None...

Deschain

Strong work!

Toronto68

OK, Wash, maybe it is too soon to bother with the idea of recording and listening. When I was a lot younger I used to do that when practising an instrument. I also did it to improve my pronunciation while learning another language. It was just an idea I dreamt up to scare away the "close calls."

Dee74

good thread guys

D

Anna

I'm glad you got through it Washburn, and next time will be easier.

priceyjunk

Hey Washburn, I get these problems too, I call them disordered thoughts. I keep getting thoughts along the lines of 'wouldnt it be great to have a drink' or 'you'd feel great with a drink' and i used to listed to them, but after staying dry for almost 25 days, and being able to see clearly for the 1st time what lies these are. Alcohol has made unhappy on occassions when I want to celebrate, makes me feel worse when I'm upset, has damaged my physical health, and has brought with it anxiety, depression, self loathing etc. Remembering these things just helps me see these disordered thoughts for the lies they are.

you're doing great! keep at it!

Washburn

Hey, I tired it tonight. It really lets me hear where I need to improve. When I think about drinking I'll play it and remember that i'll never get any better playing drunk all the time...Thanks!!