ericam24

Good Morning,

2 days ago I found out my AH, returned his sons Playstation that was having problems and never bought him a new one. He instead use that on his addiction. I am also missing 2 rings he purchased for me. My opal that I received rite before our son was born and my valentine's day present. He acts like it is no big deal, he will buy him another one, and that we had bills so that is why he has not purchased one. It is just killing he is lying to his 11 year old.
Also his daughter brand new Ipod from Christmas is missing.

I guess this turned into a vent. I need to find a meeting asap.


thanks for listening. no one understands my life but you guys.
How am going to live with someone who I do not trust.

suki44883

WHY would you live with someone you do not trust?

ThatLittleGirl

Trust is so important in a relationship, and when it is broken, it takes a long time to repair; especially when it's an on-going issue. Do you have boundaries for this issue? An example, in December I was looking for something in my husband's truck and found a jewelry box of mine stuffed under his seat. I opened it up to discover it was a Tanzanite and diamond ring I purchased some years back. I was pi$$ed!!! I confronted him about it immediately and told him if he was going to pawn anything, it needed to be HIS stuff...HIS speakers, receiver, DVD player, XBox, etc...(you see my husband LOVES electronics...he is constantly researching and buying the latest and the greatest electronic gadget...and it would kill him to part with any of HIS stuff). But he'd better keep his hands off my stuff, or I'd file a police report. Needless to say, he apologized and hasn't touched anything of mine since... In March I told him that personal belongings were a boundary he was not to cross, or I'd ask him to move out of the house.

Perhaps there's a boundary you can erect for this behavior...it doesn't have to be moving out of the house...but maybe he has to forfeit something of his to pawn and repay what he's taken, etc... Maybe if there's a consequence, he'll think twice before taking something that's not his. I know it's heartbreaking that he would take something from his own son...it's hard to understand an addict's behavior sometimes. I guess I should be lucky my daughters are 4...he won't get much for their toys which is probably why he's left those things alone.

I wish you the best!!!

ericam24

I guess I keep hopeing this situation gets better since he is on suboxone. But that is only a band aid. Since he is not going to meetings or having and personal counseling. Im sorry if I did not mention that in the other post. My head is spinning.
Trying to figure it all out and how I am going to start the conversation with him. I have to remeber to mean what I say and say what I mean. And to look him in the eye.
My sisuation can only get better if I make it better.
thanks

ericam24

Thank you! I have some soul searching to do and need to set some crystal clear boundries with myself and him.

Losingmylove103

I totally understand your feelings! I am in the same boat except for the day I found out he stole cash from my son I put him out of our house. Since then I have found that our digital camera is missing too. My AH also is on subozone and still using heroin.
I am sorry for the way you are feeling and hope things become clear for you!
I am going to try naranon and see if it helps maybe you should look into it too.

jerect

Ditto on this!!! My AH is on suboxone and I can tell you he is still very much in active addiction. The suboxone is just another drug that he is dependent on. He is still the same addict, just a different drug. I suspect he is using other drugs too but I'm beyond the point of caring anymore.

I'm actually missing a necklace and I fear my AH has pawned it too. Lesson learned: Hide all of my valuables, no I shoulden't have to live like this but my family heirlooms shouldn't be pawned off for pills either. I gave all of my valuable jewlery to my sister for safe keeping. I was going to give it to her girls anyway when they got older so they are just getting them sooner then later. I know this is no real advice for you, just wanted to let you know I feel your pain.

sofacat

My XAH went into my bank account YEARS ago and stole the down payment I had been saving up for for my new house. I stayed with him for 9 years after that. He even went into my place of business and took money out of my cash drawer. Stayed with Him 2 years more after that. Don't even know when he took the watch he bought me for Christmas...but it's not here.

Looking back on all of it now, I have the..."What was I thinking?!!!!!!" mantra swimming around in my head. I guess I always looked at Him like a victim before....felt sorry for Him. Made excuses for His behavior so I didn't have to face the reality of it all.

....but I forgot to take care of myself in the process.

You'll come around when you're ready.

Impurrfect

I'm an RA (recovering addict) and I can tell you his behavior is just going to get worse as long as he gets away with it. He has a nice roof over his head, his family at his side, and he is getting away with pawining/selling things and has yet to suffer any consequences.

The MAIN reason I have 3+ years of recovery is because I had to face some pretty harsh consequences...they included losing my career, financial ruin and legal issues that included jail.

I highly suggest, if you continue to allow him to stay in the house, you lock up anything of value and make arrangements so he can't have access to your bank accounts. It doesn't take long for an addict to wipe you out.

Oh, and BTW, I'm also a recovering codie with loved ones of addicts, and had every single thing in my house pawned or sold for dope, including my dead mother's wedding ring.

Please keep reading here, maybe check out an al-anon meeting or 3, and take care of you and the kids. He's going to do what he's going to do...no matter what.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

coffeedrinker

ericam,

i'm sorry this happened. what a kick in the stomach. do you have some ideas for a plan?

Krys

I have had only one experience with my ABF stealing from me and it was not pretty. I did not know he had been using again. I had 3 surgeries in one day and they gave me percocet to take home. I talked to him about it, even hid them to try to keep him (and my meds) safe. I was supposed to feel better in a week but felt worse due to complications. I was in AGONY. Even so I did not like the way they made me feel and took big old doses of Motrin instead. I was instructed to only take big old doses of Motrin twice a day...well that covered 12 hours but what about the other 12? I would take one of the percocet at night to solve that problem. That said, they gave me 20 and I only used 5 in a 2 week period. Every now and again I would have bad days and so I kept them around. He saw me at my worst. Curled up in a ball, crying and moaning in pain for days at a time. I thought that even if he found them he would not take them because obviously I needed them. Obviously I was a MORON. DUH!! I went looking for them one day and found that I only had 5 left. Needless to say I flushed those 5 down the toilet and resigned myself to a life with pain. It sucks...he said he sold them, I think he used them. I know it is to be expected when living with an addict, but I can't help but feel angry that for the rest of my life if God forbid something happens to me and I need pain meds they cannot come into the house...at least not without fear and worry coming with them. I look back and think of how stupid I was to think that it was ok to bring them in (he had been clean for 6 years and for whatever reason I thought he beat it permanently) and expect that he loved me enough to choose me over the drugs. Anyhoo, I like to use my stupid moments and wake up calls for what they are: lessons, and hopefully I will never make those mistakes again. I guess my point is that when it comes to drug addicts wanting drugs NO ONE and NOTHING is safe. In their addicted brain they only see one thing: Drugs. They may feel bad later for stealing from you, but not bad enough to stop. IMO when an addict is active in addiction drugs come before everyone and everything...they literally don't care about anything else.