danwhite

When my dad relapsed again, we set up a contract with him, for things that we needed to see in 90 days before we let him around our kids. It is coming close to the 90 days, and I was wanting to see if it is ok if I contact his sponser to how he is doing. I am not looking to hear what he has shared or get any info that would violate the anonymity between my dad and his sponsor. I just want to see if in his opion, my dad is really working the program and not just doing it for show.

Thanks!

Pelican

Have you asked your dad how he feels about your contacting his sponsor?

If he is okay with it, he will be able to set up the meeting.

Keep in mind, it was a contract. If your Dad has met the requirements of the 90 day contract, then you need to keep your end of the contract and allow him to spend time with your children.

If his committment to sobriety was not part of the original contract, then you do not have room to renegotiate the contract just as it is being completed.

Freedom1990

What are you seeing with your dad within the last 90 days?

For me, the relationship between sponsor/sponsee is sacred. I would not discuss a sponsee's sobriety or program with any family member without that sponsee's consent, and with the understanding of what could/couldn't be discussed.

Even if you did talk to the sponsor, and the sponsor assured you your dad was serious, that is no guarantee.

We alcoholics are master manipulators.

I've seen more than one sponsor fooled by a sponsee, myself included.

I've seen people who can quote the Big Book word for word without looking. That doesn't ensure quality sobriety.

I've seen people who attend meetings regularly. That doesn't ensure quality sobriety.

I've seen people take service positions. That doesn't ensure quality sobriety. Our last treasurer drank in 2009 after 3 years in the program.

What does your gut tell you?

NoelleR

"...For me, the relationship between sponsor/sponsee is sacred. I would not discuss a sponsee's sobriety or program with any family member without that sponsee's consent, and with the understanding of what could/couldn't be discussed..."

I'm with Freedom1990 on this one. If I were contacted by one of my sponsees' family members (or close friend, or SO, or whomever), I would not give out any of my opinions regarding said sponsee, even if the sponsee gave his/her consent. The way I see it, my opinions don't matter; the only thing that matters is how the family members, etc. feel.

Just a quick question, tho. Have you met, or been introduced to your dad's sponsor, or did somsone break his (the sponsor's) anonymity in telling you who he was.....? just a thought, here..........


(o:
NoelleR