tipsytoangry

So unfortunately I have relapsed back and had an event on the weekend that led me to binge drink quite heavily and ruin another day due to my actions, leaving me quite alone, anxious and highly depressed.

I was totally sober for close to 60days or so, not touching a drop of alcohol, and when I thought I had a handle on it, I started to introduce a few drinks with dinner or a couple when out with friends for social occasions.

I managed to control my blow-outs and black-outs up until this weekend; thanks to help with my counselling sessions which were regular at the start of my journey, but slightly began to ease out as I felt I was capable to handle my addiction alone.

I guess I don't consider myself an alcoholic, but understand I have a problem with drinking. I have at times dabbled in drugs, but was able to quit both smoking and any illicit intake, only alcohol remains as my last bad vice. I have been in touch with a group of very close friends, letting them know that I feel I have a problem, and the response from them has been very supportive which makes me feel like this could be the time for me to give it all away.

I'm very confused, shocked and disorientated that this could actually be a problem for me. I'm quite successful in every other aspect of my life, but feel as though these binge nights may be the end of me. I have started having physical reactions to the abuse also.

I've done some research on when the next AA meeting would be local to me, but feel as though I should not attend as I don't want to offend people who are heavily more addicted than I am.......

Any advice or direction pointing would be great from those who have been in the same boat. I should never have stopped reading this forum.

barb dwyer

Hi Tips-

So unfortunately I have relapsed back and had an event on the weekend that led me to binge drink quite heavily and ruin another day due to my actions, leaving me quite alone, anxious and highly depressed.

Welcome back! Not everyone makes it back.

I was totally sober for close to 60days or so, not touching a drop of alcohol, and when I thought I had a handle on it, I started to introduce a few drinks with dinner or a couple when out with friends for social occasions.

You're not the first. Only beat yourself up engouh to try harder or another method in order not to do it again. you've been given a great opportunity by being allowed to try again.

I managed to control my blow-outs and black-outs up until this weekend; thanks to help with my counselling sessions which were regular at the start of my journey, but slightly began to ease out as I felt I was capable to handle my addiction alone.

I can tell you without even knowing anyone in your circle that ... you weren't fooling anyone. We always think we're hiding it.I have this saying thing : "When we drink, we think nobody cares or can see us. Then when we get sober - we think everyone's watching... both assumptions are wrong.

I guess I don't consider myself an alcoholic, but understand I have a problem with drinking. I have at times dabbled in drugs, but was able to quit both smoking and any illicit intake, only alcohol remains as my last bad vice. I have been in touch with a group of very close friends, letting them know that I feel I have a problem, and the response from them has been very supportive which makes me feel like this could be the time for me to give it all away.

The first sentence of that gave me a little chuckle.
It's like saying, "I know I'm not pregnant - I practice the rythm method".


I'm very confused, shocked and disorientated that this could actually be a problem for me. I'm quite successful in every other aspect of my life, but feel as though these binge nights may be the end of me. I have started having physical reactions to the abuse also.

We all were. People don't come to Soberrecovery because their lives are going great. Not in the beginning, anyhow.

I've done some research on when the next AA meeting would be local to me, but feel as though I should not attend as I don't want to offend people who are heavily more addicted than I am.......

I am comfortable intelling you that we,as alcoholics in the Fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous NEED new people ...in order for US to stay sober. So you COULD let that 'trick' yourself into approaching the situation for the perspective that .... you cannot continue to deny US the chance not to drink today.... by letting us help YOU do the same. I know that's tough to grasp at first... but it is true.

I should never have stopped reading this forum.

Well, then - another way to look at that one as well is - a mistake ceases to be a mistake the moment we learn from it. It changes into a teaching.




Welcome back, hon.

yeahgr8

Hi

This is quite eye opening to me as i never really considered that people didnt think they were alcoholic, i guess its because i had exposure to alcoholics from an early age and they were all very successful so i knew an alcoholic didnt necessarily drink everyday and live on a park bench.

I first said i was an alcoholic at 21 and didnt get sober until 38, i dont think i really believed it and to be honest i have always done very well financially so i thought it isnt that bad and lived with it...

Then what happens is the bar lowers, so coming from a binge drinker with the 3 day hangover from hell and the emoitonal hangover that last longer with the going to the gym and eating healthy bit to make up for the binge etc to eventually drinking most days, not caring about physical health, still had all the nice trimmings just shot to **** on the inside!

I know a lady in AA who binge drunk every 2 months, seriously and she came to AA and has been sober over 10 years and is happy as anything...she is now able to pass on her experience to other people like you who have not gone as far as you can go with this disease...like a friend said in a meeting there are many rock bottoms and many stops on the track, get off whenever you feel like it!

AA has a solution and if you are willing to work the program you will recover and live a life you thought you never could. I was always going to go to AA but never did, in the days that i would feel bad enough to go to AA after a binge it was always an option but after a short while i felt better and off i went again on another dry spell only to drink again and think maybe i should go to AA but im not that bad and keep repeating that cycle for years...what fun it was!

Go to AA if you really want to recover if not give it a few more days and you will feel better and onto another dry spell, but really you already know how that will turn out...go to a meeting, stop lowering the bar now:-)

least

I promise you that no one in a meeting will be 'offended' by your 'lesser' addiction. AA is alcoholics helping alcoholics stay sober. That's the primary mission of AA, not to decide whose addiction is 'worthy' of help.

I'm glad you found us and joined our family. We are all struggling with addiction in one way or another and we help each other stay sober. I hope we can help you too.

Charmie

hello there.
it is a mis-conception that alcoholics have to drink loads and every day,or take the morning drink or live on a park bench etc.
when i went to AA and got a sponsor i was taught straight from the Big Book what it is to be alcoholic.
i suffer from a mental obsession that tells me time and again that one day i will be able to drink with impunity like "normal" folk.that after a period of abstinence this time it will be different,that i will manage better and enjoy my drinking.this hearbreaking obsession will take me to the gates of insanity or death.
i also suffer a physical allergy and my body does not break down alcohol like a "normal" drinker.my liver enzymes are different so when i take a drink the craving is set up.this means that i am craving drink harder after 10 drinks than after one,and this is progressive,my liver enzymes are depleting as we speak.
in your post you talked about your last drink and as far as i can tell this ticks the box for the mental obsession,like i say the physical allergy is progressive.i know at the end of my drinking if i was lying on the floor sick to the stomach of the stuff i wanted more and could not stop.
i would suggest you try a meeting and ask for a copy of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous.in there you will find chapters called the doctors opinion and bills story right at the very begining,see if you can honestly identify.if you can then AA is probably the best place for you.
my life is beyond recognition after going to AA,learning what i suffer from and being shown the tools with which to live life where it is no longer necessary to drink.
open-midedness,willingness and honesty were what got me on the path to a whole new existence and keep me on this wonderful journey.

bellaluna4

I can relate, tipsytoangry. I joined AA over 7 months ago on my free will. I didn't need treatment, I didn't have physical withdrawal, and questioned for quite a while if I was alcoholic (ironic since I reached out for help on my own). I sometimes have those same thoughts about how others may view my addiction and bottom, since it was pretty high compared to others, but the truth is that it doesn't matter. I couldn't tell you how many people have told me they wish they would have gotten sober as early as I have. All I know is that AA has helped me more than anything and there's a sense of feeling at home there and finding "my people", despite differences of stories, bottoms, etc.

It may or may not be for you, but don't let that fear hold you back from trying it

Snarf

Tipsy, I first went into the AA rooms 4 years ago. I knew I had a problem with drinking, and so I sought help. First for 3 days at a detox facility, then a week of outpatient treatment, followed by AA. But what I saw in the treatment and AA were the sad people who were so worse off than myself. I had a job, an awesome girlfriend, great family and friends. And these people had lost everything they cared about, some had been homeless, needed to take the bus everywhere...I decided I was not like these people so I was obviously barking up the wrong tree. These were sad souls, and since I wasn't as bad as them, I reckoned that after about a month sober I'd be able to control my drinking.

4 years later, I went back into AA. Because I was headed down the same road as those people I saw the first time I went there. I had lost jobs, broken promises, damaged relationships, and I could not stop myself from getting wasted. Maybe for a night or 2, but there would inevitably come the night when I'd get hammered and regret everything I had done.

But this time AA works for me. I realize that alcoholism manifests itself differently in different people. Some people drink a gallon of vodka a day. Some drink only on Fridays, but it's 36 beers. Some go months between binges. It's not for anyone to decide how progressive someone else's disease may be. AA is only about helping anyone who has a desire to stop drinking.

Keep an open mind. Realize that there are many different people and many different personalities in AA, so people will obviously have different stories and different approaches to working the program. But if you stick around and find some people you like and can identify with, they may be able to help you more than you know.

I hope you find what you're looking for. You came here, so you're obviously looking for something. SR and the people here are great resources to battle the obsession to drink. Don't be a stranger and feel free to ask for help whenever you need it, here and in the AA rooms. Welcome!

CAPTAINZING2000

the only requirement for AA is a desire to stop drinking

goya2463

God been very good to me but at times i atent to get angry at the world ,please put me in your prayers I'm sorry that I really Don't know you but your message give me hope I just signed up I'm new to the web site.Thank you in advance and God Bless you and loved once.

tipsytoangry

Thanks to all for the words of wisdom and kindness. Sometimes it's hard to feel like it's the right steps to take when you know they are.

I will be attending the meeting tomorrow night and keep an open mind.