IamSaved

Amazing stuff is going on in my life.

XABF and I have been NC for 11 weeks. Hallejulah! My recovery has been moving along swiftly. Only with the grace of God alone am I healthy, happy, and at peace!

There is a woman at church, let's call her Patti. who left her ABF 2 weeks ago, yet continues to communicate with him. Patti has latched on to at least 6 different people at my church, telling her story to anyone that will listen. One of those woman shared with her that I recently left my XABF, and gave Patti my phone number (with my permission). At first, I was ok with it. I saw myself in her, and I truly wanted to help her.

This was about 2 weeks ago. Since then, she has decided that I am her new best friend. She texts me, calls me, cries to me, and wants me to spend every living, waking moment of my life with her. This past weekend, she was calling me, texting me, telling me how lonely she is. She needs a friend.

I found myself worrying more about HER than me! WHOA!!!!!!



Replacing one co-dependent relationship for another? In my past life, I would have. I found myself falling into familiar patterns with her.

Well, last night I put up my boundaries, and stuck to them. She and I are in the same small group at church. Last week was her first week, and I had to drive to church, pick her up and take her to group. This week, I told her to meet me at church, and she could FOLLOW me there, so next week, she can get there on her own. I told her to meet me at 530p. She wasn't there by 535p, so I left!

She calls my cell at 540p, apologizing, in the church parking lot. I was 1/2 way to the group leaders house. I gave her the directions, and told her I would see her there. I prayed about it, and I am NOT responsible for her getting to group, for her relationship troubles, and her invading my boundaries!

I am SO proud of myself. I actually stopped anther potential disastrous relationship from taking over my life and my recovery! I will be her friend, but she cannot invade my space unless I allow it!

I will continue to set boundaries, with love. Even in non-romantic relationships, you can become de-railed if you don't recognize the signs! The road to recovery is so sweet!

Hadassah

Good for you!! And it will be good for her as well. I hope that she realizes that she doesn't need to cling to someone other than God, and that she is driving people away when she acts like she does. Keep up the good recovery work. Hadassah

Learn2Live

This is GREAT IAmSaved!!! Good for you! I still have problems with this. I still let people commandeer my life in ways that are opposite of what I truly want, and I just go along with it and don't stand up for myself. I think it has something to do with my always feeling like I don't have a right to be alive. I have a very hard time even saying my name out loud in front of other people. I don't know how to work on this so I am glad you have found a way!

IamSaved

When I started feeling responsible for HER, I recognized that feeling, and decided I was not going to get involved with another co-dependent person.

I am not cold-hearted. I feel her pain. I know she is hurt, broken and looking for the answers to 'cure' her ABF. We all know the 3 C's. I am only recognizing that if I allow her to, she will take over MY life, my feelings, and my recovery. I cannot allow that, so the boundaries are set. I will not feel guilty or responsible for her.

We talk, and although she asks for advice, and how to move on, she doesn't HEAR anything I say. Those convinced against their will, are of the same opinion still.

Letting go, and giving her to God. He is the only one that can help her!