First Post - Anyone ever gotten to a point this bad?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 25
First Post - Anyone ever gotten to a point this bad?
Hello everyone...This is my first post and really need help.
I am 29 years old and started drinking heavily when I was around 19 years old.
For a while there, it was just being the "average college student" and partying. I guess that is what I told myself. I would drink and party most days of the week. I had friends that would drink and go out all the time, so I used any excuse to get drunk.
Around the age of 23, my drinking escalated VERY heavily. I remember one weekend where I drank a 12 pack, 3 nights in a row. I had never done that before.
Fast forward to present day...I am 29 years old and for the past 6 years; I have drank a 12 pack pretty much every night. A 12 pack of beer about 330 nights out of the year, for the past 6 years. Just typing that out makes me ashamed of how badly I have spiraled out of control.
I have gotten to the point where I am sick of living this way. I truly feel like I have awaken from a long nightmare where I had no control of who I was being and what I was doing to myself. It all went by so quick.
Anyways, I don't want to live like this anymore. I deserve better than this. I want to be in love with life again, without simply loving how I am feeling when I am drunk.
I am completely new to the recovery process...So I don't want to offend anyone with any questions I may ask to help me out. If I am overstepping any bounds, please let me know. I am really curious to know if anyone has gotten to a point where they drank this badly. I know it is stupid, but I have pretty much convinced myself that what I have done to myself is as bad as it can possibly get, and I am past the point of repair.
Sorry for the novel everyone, and I apologize if my rant was kind of all over the place and hard to understand. Any helpful comments or tips towards recovery will be greatly appreciated.
I'm ready to take this thing on...guns blazing.
If it's too late, at least I tried.
I am 29 years old and started drinking heavily when I was around 19 years old.
For a while there, it was just being the "average college student" and partying. I guess that is what I told myself. I would drink and party most days of the week. I had friends that would drink and go out all the time, so I used any excuse to get drunk.
Around the age of 23, my drinking escalated VERY heavily. I remember one weekend where I drank a 12 pack, 3 nights in a row. I had never done that before.
Fast forward to present day...I am 29 years old and for the past 6 years; I have drank a 12 pack pretty much every night. A 12 pack of beer about 330 nights out of the year, for the past 6 years. Just typing that out makes me ashamed of how badly I have spiraled out of control.
I have gotten to the point where I am sick of living this way. I truly feel like I have awaken from a long nightmare where I had no control of who I was being and what I was doing to myself. It all went by so quick.
Anyways, I don't want to live like this anymore. I deserve better than this. I want to be in love with life again, without simply loving how I am feeling when I am drunk.
I am completely new to the recovery process...So I don't want to offend anyone with any questions I may ask to help me out. If I am overstepping any bounds, please let me know. I am really curious to know if anyone has gotten to a point where they drank this badly. I know it is stupid, but I have pretty much convinced myself that what I have done to myself is as bad as it can possibly get, and I am past the point of repair.
Sorry for the novel everyone, and I apologize if my rant was kind of all over the place and hard to understand. Any helpful comments or tips towards recovery will be greatly appreciated.
I'm ready to take this thing on...guns blazing.
If it's too late, at least I tried.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Hi Atman
I think you'll find quite a few of us drank as much or more than you did, and for as long.
I know I did. I drank all day everyday for some 5 years.
I have 3 years sobriety and recovery now - so yes it's very possible....a lot of hard work...but very possible.
I've never met anyone who really wanted to quit who was a hopeless case yet
I think if you're a big drinker, the first step is to see a Dr. and be honest with how much you drink and what you want to do next.
Most times detox is ok, but a few of us have had some hairy moments so it's better to be safe.
I also think support is vital.
SR is great but a lot of the folks here find face to face support is good too, so recovery programmes like AA or whatever are very popular.
Here's some links to the main players:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...resources.html
Above all - just take it a day at time. Make a daily commitment not to drink today.
You can do it, but its not a race - just take it slowly, carefully, and learn to use your 'sober legs' again
You'll find a lot of support here at SR - hope to see you around
D
I think you'll find quite a few of us drank as much or more than you did, and for as long.
I know I did. I drank all day everyday for some 5 years.
I have 3 years sobriety and recovery now - so yes it's very possible....a lot of hard work...but very possible.
I've never met anyone who really wanted to quit who was a hopeless case yet
I think if you're a big drinker, the first step is to see a Dr. and be honest with how much you drink and what you want to do next.
Most times detox is ok, but a few of us have had some hairy moments so it's better to be safe.
I also think support is vital.
SR is great but a lot of the folks here find face to face support is good too, so recovery programmes like AA or whatever are very popular.
Here's some links to the main players:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...resources.html
Above all - just take it a day at time. Make a daily commitment not to drink today.
You can do it, but its not a race - just take it slowly, carefully, and learn to use your 'sober legs' again
You'll find a lot of support here at SR - hope to see you around
D
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 18
Hi Atman...Im new as well, so there will be far wiser souls than mine that will be posting to you very soon, however, you are so not beyond saving! No way....its pretty great how the amount you drunk each session didnt increase over time, typically tolerance increases would normally have seen you doubling up. I know I drunk every day pretty much for two years and outwardly it seemed pretty normal, I still functioned and fitted in as so forth. However that was just appearances. My points not to talk about me, but to point out, you are unlikely to be as odd (or beyond saving) as you think!
And you are so young....awesome! Its great you are sorting this now, I was just starting out at you age I think (Im 36 now)
Your going to do great! When you stop, try and support yourself with good nutrition, and your blood sugar will be taking a big dive not getting all that sugar each night.
Have some plans to keep yourself occupied....it helps me to cacoon myself at home with movies, internet and things, on here I have seen it works for some people to get out and do loads of things
Anyway...your going to get lots of support, will be good to hear how you go
Best of luck!
And you are so young....awesome! Its great you are sorting this now, I was just starting out at you age I think (Im 36 now)
Your going to do great! When you stop, try and support yourself with good nutrition, and your blood sugar will be taking a big dive not getting all that sugar each night.
Have some plans to keep yourself occupied....it helps me to cacoon myself at home with movies, internet and things, on here I have seen it works for some people to get out and do loads of things
Anyway...your going to get lots of support, will be good to hear how you go
Best of luck!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 25
Thanks for the words Dee. As silly as it sounds, I almost don't want to see a doctor for fear of what I may find...but I know I have to and plan on it soon.
Homeandaway, Thanks for the advice. I too functioned pretty well for the amount I drank. Also, I do plan on occupying my time in other ways. I ordered a drumset that should be arriving in a few days. That should give me a great outlet to focus my time and energy into during my free time, rather than drinking.
Homeandaway, Thanks for the advice. I too functioned pretty well for the amount I drank. Also, I do plan on occupying my time in other ways. I ordered a drumset that should be arriving in a few days. That should give me a great outlet to focus my time and energy into during my free time, rather than drinking.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Sunny Down Under
Posts: 64
Hey Atman, I'm around your age. I can tell that for a good four years I had pretty regular routine. Monday through Thursday, usually taking one day off out of the four, but not always, I would drink three tall cans of Heinken and one bottle of red wine. Friday I would drink cocktails and beers, usually about one or two beers and 15-20 cocktails. Saturday I would stay at home and drink byself a bottle of spirits, usually Jack Daniels. And on Sunday I would be to ill to drink anything and try to ready myself for the week ahead. This went on, and on , and on.
Crazy how the mind works, that you are able to justify such behavior to yourself, but that's how alocoholism works. So to answer your question, yes I believe quite a few people here drank as much as you do.
Crazy how the mind works, that you are able to justify such behavior to yourself, but that's how alocoholism works. So to answer your question, yes I believe quite a few people here drank as much as you do.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Toronto, ON
Posts: 1,591
Atman, I don't think your questions are a problem. My specific answer to your question is that I think there are cases of drinking more than you have been doing. But not all bodies are the same. Maybe I had a little less than you on average, but I have gone through a 12-pack before, yes. I was probably like you when I was your age and partied on top of the drinking at home, and then it tapered down. The routine for the last 8 years or so was more like 8, but then it would go in cycles, and I would be happy when I stayed at 4 (duh). I obviously wouldn't want you to think, based on answers that talk about higher intake, that you have more time to use more alcohol. The question about how much longer I had to live was in my mind lots of times as I would take a swig. It was ridiculous of me to keep going when I had those fears, but I am not the first or last one to go against better sense.
Since you are worried about going to the doctor, I won't harp on it, but you should at least take special note of what is going on once you stop. You should roam through the links that talk about what to expect when quitting based on experiences, since this isn't a place to come out and ask for medical advice. (You'd only get "go see a doctor, it's in your best interests.")
The things you mentioned sounded similar to what I have heard a lot here. So you should be able to count on feeling like you are not all by yourself. I had a couple of brief periods when I did not drink, but the chronic addiction went on for years afterward. I had no idea I would be able to stop when I did, and I am 41 now. It's only been 5+ months, but it still surprises me a little that I am still OK.
Since you are worried about going to the doctor, I won't harp on it, but you should at least take special note of what is going on once you stop. You should roam through the links that talk about what to expect when quitting based on experiences, since this isn't a place to come out and ask for medical advice. (You'd only get "go see a doctor, it's in your best interests.")
The things you mentioned sounded similar to what I have heard a lot here. So you should be able to count on feeling like you are not all by yourself. I had a couple of brief periods when I did not drink, but the chronic addiction went on for years afterward. I had no idea I would be able to stop when I did, and I am 41 now. It's only been 5+ months, but it still surprises me a little that I am still OK.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Albuquerque, New Mexico
Posts: 565
Welcome Atman, and yes, there are plenty here who drank as much/more than you. Heck, there are plenty here who drank more than me! 
I'm of the opinion that there are no silly questions when it comes to early sobriety. Everyone is so confused and scared as to the damage they've caused or think they've caused to themselves emotionally, mentally and physically. Best bet is to see a doctor.
I'm of the opinion that there are no silly questions when it comes to early sobriety. Everyone is so confused and scared as to the damage they've caused or think they've caused to themselves emotionally, mentally and physically. Best bet is to see a doctor.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: far far from home
Posts: 373
Great post...when I was 29, 3 years before I put the plug in the jug I was hiding bottles and nips all around the house, waiting outside of the liquor store until it opened and generally dependent on booze to function.....12 packs were a thing of the past since pints fit into my pocket and Vodka worked alot faster....
any way you get my drift....
I felt like I was alone in the world, an alien, the only one like this and basically a defect. Until I tried AA and people talked openly about the morning drink, hiding booze, and ruining their lives. I learned about the magic of identification.
So they are people like me! What a relief that was......I cannot speak about loving life though sobriety is sometimes the balls but sometimes outright torture, but I can say that staying away from one drink for one day for almost 2 years (next week) has made life better.
Oh and it's never too late...where there is still breath in lungs there is still hope..
Chops
any way you get my drift....
I felt like I was alone in the world, an alien, the only one like this and basically a defect. Until I tried AA and people talked openly about the morning drink, hiding booze, and ruining their lives. I learned about the magic of identification.
So they are people like me! What a relief that was......I cannot speak about loving life though sobriety is sometimes the balls but sometimes outright torture, but I can say that staying away from one drink for one day for almost 2 years (next week) has made life better.
Oh and it's never too late...where there is still breath in lungs there is still hope..
Chops
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Detroit MI
Posts: 119
Chops- "waiting outside of the liquor store until it opened and generally dependent on booze to function.."
You just brought back some memories, how bad I was.
Sorry for butting in.
Welcome to SR.
Dean
You just brought back some memories, how bad I was.
Sorry for butting in.
Welcome to SR.
Dean
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
hi Atman;
in the last 25 years, i can probably count less than my fingers and toes the days I did NOT have a drink....when I decided I did not want to live this way anymore, I had escalated to 10-12 glasses (big glasses) of wine a day, I rotated liquor stores,...basically i drank from the time i came home from work, until 4-5AM...then pulled myself together for work, after little sleep...from January through Feb.16, i looked and felt like death warmed over, with escalated depression which i fueled through the drinking....i imagined that I had the beginnings of esophageal varices, my lower abdomen felt tender and swollen.
I found this website at a very low point in my life and it has been a tremendous support tool and help for me. Everyone is different i nwhat they do for a program, but i think a common denominator is that we all WANTED TO STOP....some days are easier than others, but overall I am really glad I no longer pour wine down my throat until i can't physically hold any more.
I hope you stick around and find whatever program works for you and post often.
in the last 25 years, i can probably count less than my fingers and toes the days I did NOT have a drink....when I decided I did not want to live this way anymore, I had escalated to 10-12 glasses (big glasses) of wine a day, I rotated liquor stores,...basically i drank from the time i came home from work, until 4-5AM...then pulled myself together for work, after little sleep...from January through Feb.16, i looked and felt like death warmed over, with escalated depression which i fueled through the drinking....i imagined that I had the beginnings of esophageal varices, my lower abdomen felt tender and swollen.
I found this website at a very low point in my life and it has been a tremendous support tool and help for me. Everyone is different i nwhat they do for a program, but i think a common denominator is that we all WANTED TO STOP....some days are easier than others, but overall I am really glad I no longer pour wine down my throat until i can't physically hold any more.
I hope you stick around and find whatever program works for you and post often.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: PA
Posts: 7
Atman,
Your situation sounds like my own: early partying lead to 12 to 18 beers a night. And the past few weeks, been switching from beer to Vodka and back. I just decided, as you did, that enough is enough. I am 26 years old and on my 3rd day sober. I am tired of alcohol being in control of MY LIFE. I am also new to this as well but just so you know that there are others like you out there!!
-n33d2st0p
Your situation sounds like my own: early partying lead to 12 to 18 beers a night. And the past few weeks, been switching from beer to Vodka and back. I just decided, as you did, that enough is enough. I am 26 years old and on my 3rd day sober. I am tired of alcohol being in control of MY LIFE. I am also new to this as well but just so you know that there are others like you out there!!
-n33d2st0p
04-04-2011
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: AZ
Posts: 118
It's not too late. You've made the first step in making the decision to not live like this any longer. I used to drink at least 10 beers every night and lately tapered off to a 6pk with a 1/2 pint of whiskey. (if you call that tapering off).
But, like you, I'm to the point where I just can't live like that any longer. I'm on day 4 and it's been hard but well worth it. It's great to sleep through the night and wake up rested and refreshed.
Keep coming back and reading and posting. It's good therapy. We're all here with a common goal. Lots of great, uplifting stories and well wishes and no judging.
Good luck to you....you can do it!!
But, like you, I'm to the point where I just can't live like that any longer. I'm on day 4 and it's been hard but well worth it. It's great to sleep through the night and wake up rested and refreshed.
Keep coming back and reading and posting. It's good therapy. We're all here with a common goal. Lots of great, uplifting stories and well wishes and no judging.
Good luck to you....you can do it!!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: NC
Posts: 30
Same exact story. Add wife and kids to it and you've got my story. I was doing straight vodka just to get where I needed to faster and sometimes that wouldn't do it.
January 11 of this year I found SR and quit. Life is sooooo much better now. My body is slowly changing for the better. I'm actually getting a six pack....the good kind! I don't stink anymore, no more headaches, no more anxiety. Just wonderful!
January 11 of this year I found SR and quit. Life is sooooo much better now. My body is slowly changing for the better. I'm actually getting a six pack....the good kind! I don't stink anymore, no more headaches, no more anxiety. Just wonderful!
Guest
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2,013
It is absolutely possible to get sober and remain gratefully sober. Providing you want it badly enough and are prepared to do what is required. It certainly ain't easy at times and you will face many challenges along the way but it will be worth it!!
And yes, it could get a whole lot worse! There is always someone worse than yourself. It don't matter how low you go down, there is always someone willing to go down lower.
I was not a daily drinker but a very heavy binge drinker. I also used to heavily use drugs during my binges too. To keep me awake and just get more mashed up. I could keep drinking aorund the clock untill I got to 3 days and was just bed-ridden and working really hard to stave off imminent full-blown panic/anxiety attacks. I remember it vividly, the racing fear and thoughts of not wanting to die but being scared that I was going to stop breathing or have a heart attack or something.
I have 9+ months sobriety now and it is really worth it. Recovery from my alcoholism has given my life a new purpose, meaning and direction. I am grateful for being a recovering alcoholic now... most of the time! LOL.
peace
And yes, it could get a whole lot worse! There is always someone worse than yourself. It don't matter how low you go down, there is always someone willing to go down lower.
I was not a daily drinker but a very heavy binge drinker. I also used to heavily use drugs during my binges too. To keep me awake and just get more mashed up. I could keep drinking aorund the clock untill I got to 3 days and was just bed-ridden and working really hard to stave off imminent full-blown panic/anxiety attacks. I remember it vividly, the racing fear and thoughts of not wanting to die but being scared that I was going to stop breathing or have a heart attack or something.
I have 9+ months sobriety now and it is really worth it. Recovery from my alcoholism has given my life a new purpose, meaning and direction. I am grateful for being a recovering alcoholic now... most of the time! LOL.
peace
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 89
Hey Atman,
I'm near enough your age, and started my drinking career going only on weekend binges around 10 years ago. It gradually progress to the point I was getting through 2 bottles of whiskey a week. I had a brief period of abstinence lasting 6 mths as a result of a health scare some years ago, but was a dry drunk, and quickly fell off the rails. I initially hit liquor again, than tried to 'taper' it down to wine. For the last 6-8 months, i'd not touch spirits but was putting away a bottle of wine a day, with the occassional break of a day in between.
I'd been considering quitting for a while, and decided to see if I could control my drinking. I never really got withdrawal symptoms, and thought that if i could go 3 days without drinking (which was the case) i couldnt possibly dependant. But I also started to get worried about the damage I might be doing to my health. I tried switching to white, that to low alcohol whites, but found i just ended up drinking twice as much! i guess that made me realise i had a problem, so i made the decision that I would just have to stop, and not look back.
its only been 3 weeks for me, but i feel great. my sleep has improved (sleeplessness itself was a mjor triggering factor for me to drink) i have great energy levels, I no longer hate myself, i no longer worry about not having enough booze to last the weekend, i no longer have to feel guilty at the supermarket checkout, i no longer have to hide booze around the house, my problems with anxiety are less severe. About the only thing i don't like right now is that i feel my appetite has really increase, and i seem to be eating alot more! (but no weight gain yet!)
I feel great and am pissed off with myself i didnt stop earlier. Yet i still get the occassional crazy thought of 'wouldnt it feel great to get a drink' and i know how crazy it is, because great is the last thing i'll feel. I want to make this last!
I'm near enough your age, and started my drinking career going only on weekend binges around 10 years ago. It gradually progress to the point I was getting through 2 bottles of whiskey a week. I had a brief period of abstinence lasting 6 mths as a result of a health scare some years ago, but was a dry drunk, and quickly fell off the rails. I initially hit liquor again, than tried to 'taper' it down to wine. For the last 6-8 months, i'd not touch spirits but was putting away a bottle of wine a day, with the occassional break of a day in between.
I'd been considering quitting for a while, and decided to see if I could control my drinking. I never really got withdrawal symptoms, and thought that if i could go 3 days without drinking (which was the case) i couldnt possibly dependant. But I also started to get worried about the damage I might be doing to my health. I tried switching to white, that to low alcohol whites, but found i just ended up drinking twice as much! i guess that made me realise i had a problem, so i made the decision that I would just have to stop, and not look back.
its only been 3 weeks for me, but i feel great. my sleep has improved (sleeplessness itself was a mjor triggering factor for me to drink) i have great energy levels, I no longer hate myself, i no longer worry about not having enough booze to last the weekend, i no longer have to feel guilty at the supermarket checkout, i no longer have to hide booze around the house, my problems with anxiety are less severe. About the only thing i don't like right now is that i feel my appetite has really increase, and i seem to be eating alot more! (but no weight gain yet!)
I feel great and am pissed off with myself i didnt stop earlier. Yet i still get the occassional crazy thought of 'wouldnt it feel great to get a drink' and i know how crazy it is, because great is the last thing i'll feel. I want to make this last!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
for the first month I was plowing through cookies and chocolate like there was no tomorrow....the little biscuits with the 1/2 inch of dark chocolate are my favs....they would go on sale, I'd buy 8 boxes along with huge Cadbury bars.....the sugar cravings have gone way down and I'm less inclined to eat so much...I substitute fresh fruit now and a biscotti in the AM with my 5 cups of coffee.
if it's warm outside I drink seltzer with a splash of fruit juice, if it's cool I still drink herbal tea all day...no caffeine after 12noon as I have trouble sleeping anyway.
I now actually remember what did in the evenings.
if it's warm outside I drink seltzer with a splash of fruit juice, if it's cool I still drink herbal tea all day...no caffeine after 12noon as I have trouble sleeping anyway.
I now actually remember what did in the evenings.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 3
Hi Atman-
I'm also new to this sobriety thing... am now 9 days sober and I cannot even explain how GOOD I feel! It's crazy, but it seems like the past 12 years of my life I was drunk and just stumbling through the motions to make it through the day until I could get my hands on a drink for happy hour. I would drink until I couldn't function, pass out and wake up terribly hungover and blurry everyday. My husband has been a saint to stick by me all of these years when I was drunk. Since I quit drinking I feel like I can think again and I am seeing everything in a new light. The days actually seem longer now. I am extremely ashamed to think of what I must have looked like to everyone all of these years. I'm angry that I have wasted so much time and so much money.
Anyway, I'm glad that I found this forum. Stick with it- you can do it!
I'm also new to this sobriety thing... am now 9 days sober and I cannot even explain how GOOD I feel! It's crazy, but it seems like the past 12 years of my life I was drunk and just stumbling through the motions to make it through the day until I could get my hands on a drink for happy hour. I would drink until I couldn't function, pass out and wake up terribly hungover and blurry everyday. My husband has been a saint to stick by me all of these years when I was drunk. Since I quit drinking I feel like I can think again and I am seeing everything in a new light. The days actually seem longer now. I am extremely ashamed to think of what I must have looked like to everyone all of these years. I'm angry that I have wasted so much time and so much money.
Anyway, I'm glad that I found this forum. Stick with it- you can do it!
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