Someone please help
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Buffalo NY
Posts: 12
Someone please help
Hello Everyone,
I have been a member on here for a while, but I have just been lurking around. When I joined this site I had the full intention on giving up drinking. I even started taking vivitrol injections which was a miracle that my insurance pays for, but I just can't stop drinking. I want to so bad and I just can't get a grip. I know that drinking is not good for me & my body. I am starting to see changes in myself that shouldn't be happening in a 29y/o. I have been diagnosed with Beri-Beri (thiamine deficiency) syndrome which my physician tells me is common in alcoholics, slight sexual dysfunction (can't really tell if it's me or I just don't want to be bothered with my BF anymore) and im also starting to notice some menstrual irregularities. I want children really bad and I know I have to stop drinking to achieve that and thats what I use to try & make myself stop, but it's just not working. In addition to takim the monthly vivitrol I also take kudzu but only when i'm hungover. I hate feeling the way I do after an all night binge. My body is sore my organs in my stomach hurt and as im laying there in pain I say im not gonna do this again, but then 2 days later im back at it. I've gone to AA but that just made me more depressed and when I left out of there I took advantage of the convience of the liquor store across the street. My physician has prescibed me many anti depressants but im afraid to take them because I don't want to drink with them and even though I haven't ever had one im scared that I may have a seizure if I do one of them is known to cause seizures) but she tells me the medication may help with the cravings. I feel like just pulling my hair out I really really want to stop but I feel like I have no control. I can admit I like the way the alcohol makes me feel. I feel that I can say or do anything I want just completely uninhibited which ultimately leads me to doing things I regret in the morning if I remember them. Im just tired of it all but to weak to stop. Have any of you ever felt this way and if so how did you get on the right track? I look at all the positive things thats going on in my life but it seems thats not enough. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Sorry for the long post but I have been holding all this in for so long and I just need to let it out. Please help
I have been a member on here for a while, but I have just been lurking around. When I joined this site I had the full intention on giving up drinking. I even started taking vivitrol injections which was a miracle that my insurance pays for, but I just can't stop drinking. I want to so bad and I just can't get a grip. I know that drinking is not good for me & my body. I am starting to see changes in myself that shouldn't be happening in a 29y/o. I have been diagnosed with Beri-Beri (thiamine deficiency) syndrome which my physician tells me is common in alcoholics, slight sexual dysfunction (can't really tell if it's me or I just don't want to be bothered with my BF anymore) and im also starting to notice some menstrual irregularities. I want children really bad and I know I have to stop drinking to achieve that and thats what I use to try & make myself stop, but it's just not working. In addition to takim the monthly vivitrol I also take kudzu but only when i'm hungover. I hate feeling the way I do after an all night binge. My body is sore my organs in my stomach hurt and as im laying there in pain I say im not gonna do this again, but then 2 days later im back at it. I've gone to AA but that just made me more depressed and when I left out of there I took advantage of the convience of the liquor store across the street. My physician has prescibed me many anti depressants but im afraid to take them because I don't want to drink with them and even though I haven't ever had one im scared that I may have a seizure if I do one of them is known to cause seizures) but she tells me the medication may help with the cravings. I feel like just pulling my hair out I really really want to stop but I feel like I have no control. I can admit I like the way the alcohol makes me feel. I feel that I can say or do anything I want just completely uninhibited which ultimately leads me to doing things I regret in the morning if I remember them. Im just tired of it all but to weak to stop. Have any of you ever felt this way and if so how did you get on the right track? I look at all the positive things thats going on in my life but it seems thats not enough. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Sorry for the long post but I have been holding all this in for so long and I just need to let it out. Please help
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,352
Hi mspryss69
Don't give up on finding something that might work - even the scary things like rehab, or going back to AA and not just going to meetings but finding a sponsor and doing the steps.
In the end, you're in the fight of your life - don't count anything out.
Here are some link for other things you may not have tried yet?
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...resources.html
Post here as often as you like too - there's always someone around, and lots of support
D
Don't give up on finding something that might work - even the scary things like rehab, or going back to AA and not just going to meetings but finding a sponsor and doing the steps.
In the end, you're in the fight of your life - don't count anything out.
Here are some link for other things you may not have tried yet?
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...resources.html
Post here as often as you like too - there's always someone around, and lots of support
D
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Buzz-free Zone
Posts: 1,372
Hello Mspryss,
No need to apologize for a long post - whatever it takes to get it all out is fine - doing that tends to help relieve some of the pressure.
Have been where you're at...physically, emotionally sick...horrendous hangovers for days on end, broken promises to never drink again...as soon as I started feeling better, I was right back at it.
That's the vicious cycle.
If you're not able to do an inpatient rehab, how 'bout trying outpatient services for alcoholism?
Support is so important, especially in early recovery. Glad you found us here, pls stay around, read and post - you'll get lots of suggestions about what worked for other people.
Get sober for yourself (not to have a child or for a bf or a parent or a sibling, etc. - just saying) - do it for you.
No need to apologize for a long post - whatever it takes to get it all out is fine - doing that tends to help relieve some of the pressure.
Have been where you're at...physically, emotionally sick...horrendous hangovers for days on end, broken promises to never drink again...as soon as I started feeling better, I was right back at it.
That's the vicious cycle.
If you're not able to do an inpatient rehab, how 'bout trying outpatient services for alcoholism?
Support is so important, especially in early recovery. Glad you found us here, pls stay around, read and post - you'll get lots of suggestions about what worked for other people.
Get sober for yourself (not to have a child or for a bf or a parent or a sibling, etc. - just saying) - do it for you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Buffalo NY
Posts: 12
Yes I want to do it for me. Now that school is about to be out for the summer for me I was strongly thinking about starting counseling again and giving AA another try. It was just really hard while I was both in school & working full time. I just ordered some herbal supplements off another website and hopefully that will help along with the vivitrol injections. Im afraid to tell my Dr the shots aren't working, cause truth be told I never gave them a chance 
I'm just so tired of this BS I want to live a normal life without relying on alcohol to get me through the day/night. I want to be able to sit at home and do something productive instead of drinking when I get bored. Thats one of my MAJOR problems. Im gonna really try hard this week to get 7 days in. So far it's been 48 hours and im doing ok but normally thats the longest I can go 
I'm just so tired of this BS I want to live a normal life without relying on alcohol to get me through the day/night. I want to be able to sit at home and do something productive instead of drinking when I get bored. Thats one of my MAJOR problems. Im gonna really try hard this week to get 7 days in. So far it's been 48 hours and im doing ok but normally thats the longest I can go Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 1,947
counseling and AA are some good ideas.....an inpatient rehab center would be a great way to get an infusion of recovery--much better than vitamins.\
You never had to take another rotten lousy drink. you can do this.
what do you have to change in your life to do this?
everthing.,..,..one step at a time. one day at a time
keep posting
You never had to take another rotten lousy drink. you can do this.
what do you have to change in your life to do this?
everthing.,..,..one step at a time. one day at a time
keep posting
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,460
Hi and Welcome,
It's hard to get out of the cycle of drinking and feeling miserable, but you can do it and we are here to offer support. Personally, I don't like the idea of taking vivitrol (naltrexone) to help you stop drinking. I suppose it could be a tool to help, but I think most of the work had be done in my mind, my thinking had to change. I also think that if your dr prescribed antidepressants, you should take them and see if they help you. If you were depressed before you started drinking, it's possible that meds could help with that.
Don't give up!
It's hard to get out of the cycle of drinking and feeling miserable, but you can do it and we are here to offer support. Personally, I don't like the idea of taking vivitrol (naltrexone) to help you stop drinking. I suppose it could be a tool to help, but I think most of the work had be done in my mind, my thinking had to change. I also think that if your dr prescribed antidepressants, you should take them and see if they help you. If you were depressed before you started drinking, it's possible that meds could help with that.
Don't give up!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Germany
Posts: 2,058
I am so glad you decided to post and are no longer lurking. SR is a great community that is full of support but you will have to remain strong. Before I became sober I also had awful health problems with my liver/kidneys that shouldn't have been happening to a early/mid 30 something. I tried pills, anti-anxiety meds and all the while was still drinking. Prior to drinking I was able to conceive and am trying to get pregnant but have this rather unexplained infertility and my cycles became irregular....hmmmm. I started having massive panic attacks and anxiety that was off the charts.....hmmm. I woke up one morning and said this is it because I was so anxious and depressed that I couldn't move 2 feet without shaking. I dumped the booze out and rode out the detox and after a couple of days I could actually move without the panic. My liver/kidneys went back to normal and my cycles became regular again. Panic attacks disappeared and anxiety went wayyyy down.
Point is that you will get progressively worse if you continue to drink and I do not believe there is a "sober" pill out there. The first few days are the worst physically but under your Dr.'s care you have to want to quit. You have a few days down now so stay with it as it does get better my friend. Once you get beyond withdrawals, etc. you will feel better and find that many of your health issues were brought about by drinking.
Drink lots of fluids, take a multi vitamin and thiamin supplement and commit to sobriety. You need support and AA is a great program but you have to want to work the 12 steps. I think you may be like I was in that I wanted a quick and easy fix all but there isn't one sadly. Recovery is a journey filled with challenges but once that booze is out of your system and you look at your life clearly only then will you be able to make those positive changes you so need. 29 is young and I am glad you recognize that you have a problem but you must commit to see it through and use the programs available to you.
God Bless and I am looking forward to hearing about your recovery. Stay strong!!
Point is that you will get progressively worse if you continue to drink and I do not believe there is a "sober" pill out there. The first few days are the worst physically but under your Dr.'s care you have to want to quit. You have a few days down now so stay with it as it does get better my friend. Once you get beyond withdrawals, etc. you will feel better and find that many of your health issues were brought about by drinking.
Drink lots of fluids, take a multi vitamin and thiamin supplement and commit to sobriety. You need support and AA is a great program but you have to want to work the 12 steps. I think you may be like I was in that I wanted a quick and easy fix all but there isn't one sadly. Recovery is a journey filled with challenges but once that booze is out of your system and you look at your life clearly only then will you be able to make those positive changes you so need. 29 is young and I am glad you recognize that you have a problem but you must commit to see it through and use the programs available to you.
God Bless and I am looking forward to hearing about your recovery. Stay strong!!
Snarf Snarf
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: ATL
Posts: 835
MsPryss, I turn 29 this week. I, like you, have been through the bouts of hangovers and depression and feeling horrible. AA also didn't work for me the first time I tried it. I think I got depressed hearing all the stories of these drunks, and they talked about how they were powerless over alcohol. I was like, "I'm not powerless. I just need to stop drinking so much. I didn't lose my job. I didn't go to jail. I didn't lose my wife." Walked out of AA and went back to partying.
Fast forward 4 years. I've lost jobs. I've been to jail. My fiancee actually took off her ring, changed her Facebook status, told me to move out of our apartment and said we were done. Forever. After 7 years, my drinking and screwing up led to that.
That was 1 month ago today. That day I went to AA. 4 meetings, to be exact. 4 the next day. 3 the day after that, and so on. Wasn't sure exactly why I was there, but this time, I knew for damn sure I was powerless. My life was unmanageable. What I couldn't see 4 years earlier was now perfectly clear. Not only clear, it was like a steel pipe hitting me upside the head. If anyone looked at my life, it was clear that I was not in control, and I really had no power against alcohol.
This has been the best month of my life. People at work tell me how proud they are that I've stayed drink-free this long. I'm gaining weight, feel healthier, have more energy and look better in my clothes. (I have to wear a Large 'cause I'm tall, but all shirts are baggy 'cause I'm skinny. Now I'm starting to fill them out.) My friends are gaining respect that they had lost for me. I don't ever wake up hung over. I make it to work, and on time. I do my school work (mostly...still working on it). I call people back. I eat food. I clean the house. And most importantly, I still live in my apartment, and my fiancee now looks at me with love in her eyes.
When we used to sit on separate couches and I would pound beers and surf the internets all night, passing out on the couch in my clothes, we now sit next to each other and watch TV. She lays in my arms and I eventually actually go to sleep in our bed! And she talks about the wedding we want to have, and plans we have for the future. That wasn't possible a month ago. And today, she went to a meeting with me, so she could see what it's like. I didn't push it on her at first, but now that she sees the changes, she's interested and wants to be involved in my recovery. And that's awesome.
AA is not for everyone, and it wasn't for me at first. But it's helped me a lot this time around. So has this site. So has reading literature on alcoholism and doing research about my affliction. There's lots of tools to use to beat this thing and live a happy life. As I illustrated above, just this month alone has showed me how great things can be. I'm sure there are bumps ahead in the road, but at least I like where this road is headed.
Best of luck to you and keep coming to SR. There's lots of good stuff here.
Fast forward 4 years. I've lost jobs. I've been to jail. My fiancee actually took off her ring, changed her Facebook status, told me to move out of our apartment and said we were done. Forever. After 7 years, my drinking and screwing up led to that.
That was 1 month ago today. That day I went to AA. 4 meetings, to be exact. 4 the next day. 3 the day after that, and so on. Wasn't sure exactly why I was there, but this time, I knew for damn sure I was powerless. My life was unmanageable. What I couldn't see 4 years earlier was now perfectly clear. Not only clear, it was like a steel pipe hitting me upside the head. If anyone looked at my life, it was clear that I was not in control, and I really had no power against alcohol.
This has been the best month of my life. People at work tell me how proud they are that I've stayed drink-free this long. I'm gaining weight, feel healthier, have more energy and look better in my clothes. (I have to wear a Large 'cause I'm tall, but all shirts are baggy 'cause I'm skinny. Now I'm starting to fill them out.) My friends are gaining respect that they had lost for me. I don't ever wake up hung over. I make it to work, and on time. I do my school work (mostly...still working on it). I call people back. I eat food. I clean the house. And most importantly, I still live in my apartment, and my fiancee now looks at me with love in her eyes.
When we used to sit on separate couches and I would pound beers and surf the internets all night, passing out on the couch in my clothes, we now sit next to each other and watch TV. She lays in my arms and I eventually actually go to sleep in our bed! And she talks about the wedding we want to have, and plans we have for the future. That wasn't possible a month ago. And today, she went to a meeting with me, so she could see what it's like. I didn't push it on her at first, but now that she sees the changes, she's interested and wants to be involved in my recovery. And that's awesome.
AA is not for everyone, and it wasn't for me at first. But it's helped me a lot this time around. So has this site. So has reading literature on alcoholism and doing research about my affliction. There's lots of tools to use to beat this thing and live a happy life. As I illustrated above, just this month alone has showed me how great things can be. I'm sure there are bumps ahead in the road, but at least I like where this road is headed.
Best of luck to you and keep coming to SR. There's lots of good stuff here.
04-04-2011
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: AZ
Posts: 118
Welcome
I can sure relate to that. All I can say is that I'm just tired and fed up with how I feel the next morning and how it's driving a wedge between me and my wife and kids.
Wish I could offer more but, like others have said here, you have to get to that point where you want to sober more than you want to drink. Don't know much about meetings since I've never gone to any.
Good luck to you. Keep coming back, this is a great place to get advice and support. Everyone here is great, no judging.
Originally Posted by mspryss69 
I can admit I like the way the alcohol makes me feel. I feel that I can say or do anything I want just completely uninhibited which ultimately leads me to doing things I regret in the morning if I remember them. Im just tired of it all but to weak to stop. Have any of you ever felt this way and if so how did you get on the right track? I look at all the positive things thats going on in my life but it seems thats not enough.
Wish I could offer more but, like others have said here, you have to get to that point where you want to sober more than you want to drink. Don't know much about meetings since I've never gone to any.
Good luck to you. Keep coming back, this is a great place to get advice and support. Everyone here is great, no judging.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Buffalo NY
Posts: 12
Thank so much snarf & krb5 Im trying today it's been 3 days and im feeling good so far. I hope to make it through the rest of the week. I called today about a clinical trial in my area about alcoholism and signed up. I have a meeting with them on the 11th. My plan is to try hy hardest to stay sober until then
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Germany
Posts: 2,058
Mspryss, I hope all is doing well today. I have been trying to respond to your last message but it says you do not accept private messages now.
Know that recovery is one day at a time and some days are better then others but you must stay strong and find that courage to see each day through. All of us here....whether 1 day or 30 years sober are walking the line and please know that you are not alone my friend.
I hope to hear from you as I wanted to share more of my experience with you as I so can relate to what you are feeling.
God Bless
Know that recovery is one day at a time and some days are better then others but you must stay strong and find that courage to see each day through. All of us here....whether 1 day or 30 years sober are walking the line and please know that you are not alone my friend.
I hope to hear from you as I wanted to share more of my experience with you as I so can relate to what you are feeling.
God Bless
Awakening
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Riverside, CA
Posts: 290
Yes, how are you doing? If you've slipped, and started drinking again, don't be ashamed. There's not a single person here who wouldn't understand, or would judge. We've all been there. Keep posting.
Rev
Rev
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: wausau, wi
Posts: 28
Oh honey first big hug to you
The Big book talks about the insanity of this illness in stories of Jim and the Jay walker analogy. If we could as Bill thought, out think this and self knowledge was the answer, no other steps need be done. Bill wrote lots in the first three chapters on this idea of self knowledge against disease. I suggest working with someone through the book and studying these things. I know of no other way to do the deal. THIS DISEASE KILLS quite simply. I will say prayer for you to be able to do what your HP would have.........
The Big book talks about the insanity of this illness in stories of Jim and the Jay walker analogy. If we could as Bill thought, out think this and self knowledge was the answer, no other steps need be done. Bill wrote lots in the first three chapters on this idea of self knowledge against disease. I suggest working with someone through the book and studying these things. I know of no other way to do the deal. THIS DISEASE KILLS quite simply. I will say prayer for you to be able to do what your HP would have.........
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