Son is in jail
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Orange County, NY
Posts: 116
Son is in jail
I've been here for a long time. Don't post much, but you people are so supportive when I do. My son has been in Florida coming up on two years. Been through treatment a few times, halfway houses, relapses, treatment, and the past few months has been bouncing around between clean time and relapses. I just got a call last night that he was arrested and is now in jail.
Through the support of my meetings and all I have learned I am letting him sit there. He has been working with a therapist, who just two weeks ago told me that he and I cannot do this for my son. We have to let him hit a bottom. I'm hoping that this will lead to some kind of bottom for him. The past two years have been such a roller coaster, but I have been to meetings and been working with a therapist, changing me, my reactions, my life..and tryiing to move forward, as I know my life must go on regardless if my son is clean or not. I am doing that. I separated from my husband many months ago, a nightmare relationship and have met someone, and was finally feeling happy.
I feel good about my decision. I know it's in my son's best interest, and I know that if this is what will bring him to his knees than I will be in his corner while he is obtains sobriety and recovery. Until then, I know that I've done all I can for him. But of course this all still breaks my heart, and this might be one of the hardest things I've done. Thank you all for being here and listening.
Eileen
Through the support of my meetings and all I have learned I am letting him sit there. He has been working with a therapist, who just two weeks ago told me that he and I cannot do this for my son. We have to let him hit a bottom. I'm hoping that this will lead to some kind of bottom for him. The past two years have been such a roller coaster, but I have been to meetings and been working with a therapist, changing me, my reactions, my life..and tryiing to move forward, as I know my life must go on regardless if my son is clean or not. I am doing that. I separated from my husband many months ago, a nightmare relationship and have met someone, and was finally feeling happy.
I feel good about my decision. I know it's in my son's best interest, and I know that if this is what will bring him to his knees than I will be in his corner while he is obtains sobriety and recovery. Until then, I know that I've done all I can for him. But of course this all still breaks my heart, and this might be one of the hardest things I've done. Thank you all for being here and listening.
Eileen
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: minneapolis, mn
Posts: 2,762
what is your son's drug of choice? my tender, compassionate, funny daughter - 21 years young -is alcoholic, yet she has not come to accept that. so i wait. and hope. and live in fear that one day a mistake will be made that is irreversable.
you ARE doing the right thing. i hope you can have some peace. at least he is relatively safe.
you ARE doing the right thing. i hope you can have some peace. at least he is relatively safe.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Wishin' I was on the Beach!
Posts: 1,415
You are doing the most loving thing you can for your son... letting him suffer the consequences of his actions. By doing this, he will learn a lesson. Possibly, it will lead him to work his recovery.
(((HUGS))) It is still heartbreaking, but know you are doing the right thing! And your recovery is shining too!
(((HUGS))) It is still heartbreaking, but know you are doing the right thing! And your recovery is shining too!
get it, give it, grow in it
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
((((((((((((Eileen )))))))))) Hugs from another mom.
You have much wisdom in how to mother an addicted grown child.
You know just how to not- react, to the jail news.
Most often it is a"nudge from the judge" that can be catalyst for change.
As moms, Our teaching job is done. Now our son's life lessons will come from other sources such as: The legal system, getting fired, girlfriends leaving, medical problems, evictions, etc.
Keep the hope that your son will find his way to recovery, be compassionate in the mean time. Continue to live your life as joyfully as you can. How nice that you have attracted love into your life. Enjoy !
You have much wisdom in how to mother an addicted grown child.
You know just how to not- react, to the jail news.
Most often it is a"nudge from the judge" that can be catalyst for change.
As moms, Our teaching job is done. Now our son's life lessons will come from other sources such as: The legal system, getting fired, girlfriends leaving, medical problems, evictions, etc.
Keep the hope that your son will find his way to recovery, be compassionate in the mean time. Continue to live your life as joyfully as you can. How nice that you have attracted love into your life. Enjoy !
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Orange County, NY
Posts: 116
Awe, thank you all for the love. I have to say, today was a real rough day. I found the booking blotter online, with a pic of my son, who I haven't seen since Christmas. I saw the picture, and fell apart, and it was a day of tears here. But I am still sound in my decision to let him suffer the consequences, but it still is heartwrenching.
It has taken 18 months of meetings, and work on myself, to get here. When I first entered the rooms, and to hear a mother say she let her son sit in jail, I was horrified. NOW I get it. After 18 months of rollercoaster, I am ready to be off the ride. Recovery (ours) is a long process, and I can't even begin to imagine how daunting and overwhelming it must be to our addicts. I hope my son can find some peace soon.
Coffeedrinker, my son's DOC is heroin.
It has taken 18 months of meetings, and work on myself, to get here. When I first entered the rooms, and to hear a mother say she let her son sit in jail, I was horrified. NOW I get it. After 18 months of rollercoaster, I am ready to be off the ride. Recovery (ours) is a long process, and I can't even begin to imagine how daunting and overwhelming it must be to our addicts. I hope my son can find some peace soon.
Coffeedrinker, my son's DOC is heroin.
get it, give it, grow in it
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
Eileen,
There are stories of recovery. Continue to Turn your son over to a HP and be patient
My 26 yr old son also used heroin, crack, alcohol, pills, etc.
He has now been sober 2 yrs after 18 mos of treatment (1 yr inpatient and 6 mos. sober living) It took some effort on my part to get him to commit to rehab (this last time was his third go at it ) I had to wait until he got to a very low bottom.
My own recovery through al-anon is the silver lining . I have come to believe.
There are stories of recovery. Continue to Turn your son over to a HP and be patient
My 26 yr old son also used heroin, crack, alcohol, pills, etc.
He has now been sober 2 yrs after 18 mos of treatment (1 yr inpatient and 6 mos. sober living) It took some effort on my part to get him to commit to rehab (this last time was his third go at it ) I had to wait until he got to a very low bottom.
My own recovery through al-anon is the silver lining . I have come to believe.
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