boywonder

My friend is an alcholic and has been sober for almost a year. I recently found out he has fallen off the wagon. Last week he had 3 beers, and a few here and there. According to him. He has not told anyone else just me we have a very close relationship. I am concerned that that this little indiscretion will lead to a much worse situation. How do I help him? I ask every day if hes gonna go to a meeting and every day the awnser is NO. How do I deal with him and this? Please help.
Thank you

Lotus2009

I think the best and only way to deal with it is to give the responsibility on how to deal with it back to your friend.

Unfortunately you can't make him stay sober, you can't make him go to meetings if he doesn't want to (and even if you did drag him to a meeting, it wouldn't do him any good unless he wants to be there) and if you do keep trying to control it, chances are that it'll drive you absolutely crazy. Take it from me, I've got a lot of issues from living with and trying to control an active A (and guess what... he's still drinking).

What did your friend do in the past year to stay sober? If he's worked a program, he knows exactly how to pick himself up again, it's just a matter of him doing it.

IMO the best thing you can do is set boundaries - i.e. you could let him know you'll be there for him if he needs support staying sober, but that you won't be around when he's drinking.

Catkill23

Try letting them know who they were when they hit bottom. Maybe take a few pictures of them when they had a few before and after, and ask them what in the hell they are think ing, if they want the anxiety and material world back in there life then they are going to get a big dose of it very soon. I wouldn't let them hang if they had a year, Only if they are assholes anld won't let me **** with there minds would I stop talking to them. Not that I like screwing with there minds, but if they are weak enough they are free game.

Pelican

Warning! Red flags!

Your friend is making you into his sobriety coach. You are not equipped to be his sobriety coach. He needs to confide in his sponsor or another recovering alcoholic, or a professional counselor. He needs someone who can call him out on his BS when he is avoiding responsibility for his own actions.

He is setting you up to be his rescuer. When you fail to keep him sober, he will blame you.

Have you started attending Alanon meetings yet?
Have you spoken with a counselor about your relationship with a recovering alcoholic?
How sure are you that he has been sober one year?