tpen

OK, I know alot of you are going.........tpen, stop! I know, but after 8 hours of this today I can't take it! It's better to post and vent then to give in and call/txt/email her right?

So, it's been 1 month since I talked to her. Based on what all of you have been through, what can I expect from her? What is the probability of her contacting me?

nodaybut2day

Hmm, time to stop worrying about the probability of her contacting you, or about what you can expect from her (usually: madness, accusations, blame-shifting, lying, drama, minimizing, ...do I need to go on), and *refocus* on you.

You closed the door on her for a reason tpen...tell us again why that was? Perhaps if you write it out, it'll help you.

Duped

Depends on a lot of things. They are too difficult to predict.

Does she have a new enabler? A new victim who will console her and tell her everything is alright, and be the shoulder for her to cry on?

I would start trying to accept that she has moved on, and really, you should be out mingling and meeting real women, like, pronto. That's the best way to forget this stuff. I'm not saying dive into another relationship, but really, you aren't doing yourself any good brooding over someone who is, in effect, functionally insane.

And really, if she were to contact you, what do you suppose her motivation would be? Certainly not out of love, likely out of trying to use you for something or other.

tpen

Nodaybutoday - I closed the door because she was dishonest with others, blamed me for our problems, and lastly.......did not display any kindness, affection or love towards me.

Arghhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Duped - Yes, appeared she had a new "friend" on myspace. Her mood last time I looked was "adventerous". I want to mingle actually, but am confused as I have these stupid feelings still. I'm not going to drink to mask them and then do something stupid with another woman. Really agonizing having to let them slowly fade.

Duped

So you are currently jonesing for a second round of shoddy treatment?

nodaybut2day

And do you expect that anything has changed in the last month, even if she were on the road to recovery?

Hoping to hear from her is almost akin to hoping for another beating...You deserve better than that tpen.

Freedom1990

So what are you doing to start healing and move forward besides posting here?

tpen

Busy this week with Al Anon Monday, golf mens night Tuesday, and Church Wednesday. Anxious maybe about this coming weekend as I have nothing planned. Loneliness is part of it I'm sure.

Duped

It would appear she's moved on, and now it's time for you to move on as well. There's so many quality women out there, don't waste another moments thought on this person.

She's only bringing you down, and she's still bringing you down. You sound to me like a classic case of someone who has been abused, and you are better than her. She doesn't seem fit to polish you shoes tpen.

tpen

Geepers!!!! Not something I want to hear.

Duped

Well, it likely is true, as it is for a lot of people on here.

Think about it.

They treat you like crap and many keep running back for more.

Like whacking a dog on the nose with a stick everyday.

You know what I feel? Like I can be a little selfish now. I have my life back, and it's mine and no one else's.

It's springtime now, go out and check out some skirt, for God's sake man!

Freedom1990

Loneliness can be a biggie! I relate.

I found the further I progressed in my recovery, the more comfortable I became with self, and the more I enjoyed my own company.

What are some things you can do over the weekend to enjoy yourself?

Duped

You're still at an early stage tpen. I was like you not long ago. Now I can't scrape away from contact fast enough. At this stage I'm running like mad, for my life. At one point last year, I too, was like you....running the wrong direction and back into the maelstrom.

tpen

Thanks everyone.........kinda a shock though on that one comment about abused.

I was going to golf tonight, but will watch the NFL Draft at a bar.........don't worry I don't like it either, but a co-worker will be there and my limit is always 2.

This weekend.........shore fish for some walleyes as a voice keeps saying to do that. Maybe golf and a bite to eat in the clubhouse. Shop for some new shirts. Church. Would love to dance, but bars are only option. Hate bars, or should I say hate seeing drunks!

ItsmeAlice

Hate bars, or should I say hate seeing drunks

I can relate to this. I want to get out there and be social, but there are few options in the rural locale I'm in. Bars would be great if it was just a cocktail and some music, but if I see one drunk, I can't help but get nauseated. Then I feel like runnin' away.

Oh, I'd be a great date to take out for a drink. Ha!

Go with your gut. If fishing sounds right for the weekend, then do it.

Keep your friends close, and your boundaries closer when it comes to the bar scene.

Alice

tpen

Last weekend I stopped in for 1 - I hadn't been there in 3 years. Walked in went to the bathroom and this is at 8:30pm! Another guy walks in all happy we exchange hellos. He proceeds to tell me he was supposed to go and get a pizza for his W and kids, but friends called him to stop at bar. He has been gone for 4 hours and is proud of it!

I couldn't believe it! A man, with a wife and children at home waiting for him. I would trade in a heartbeat! Lately, it seems when I look at people and life it's very, very sad what occurs.

Thanks everyone for posting.....

LaTeeDa

When I was newly single, I took a ballroom dance class. It was fun!

L

Thumper

When feeling like I might be alone forever I remind myself, in the same language every time, that "I can find an unemployed, self centered, self pitying, sneaky, manipulative, drunk under any rock I care to kick over." They must be a dime a dozen so I don't need to feel desperate over this one.

You would trade in a heartbeat. That tugged at my heart strings because I can see what a good man you are and how you seem to long for that something special. All I have to say is TRADE UP. You have so much to offer - don't sell yourself short kicking over rocks.

She has left. Let her go - in your mind and spirit. Letting her go is not the same as letting your dreams go. Letting her go opens the door for your dreams to happen.

mishaco1

I feel exactly like tpen and alice. The site of anyone drunk makes me SO angry and disgusting. I was in the grocery store on Sunday, about 2 pm and there was a man stumbling around who reeked of booze and I had this urge to punch him and tell him he is screwing up his life but of course, I didn't. Don't think I would do well in a bar or club scene at all.

I say go fishing and golfing. I have realized, lately, that I like to play racquetball, deathboard and even just take Cooper to the park and sit there. Never knew I even had any interests before...

I couldn't start dating yet or even attempting to date. That is just me. Can't even really picture myself with anybody but him. So I am doing the ME thing right now.

Hang in there, loneliness sucks but you might discover you enjoy it a lot more than you think!

TakingCharge999

Like the Shakira song says "you can't ask winter to forgive one rose".

Loneliness and mourning come in the package of being involved in a romantic relationship.

If you let yourself be alone and feeling what you need to feel, this will be over sooner.

Otherwise you'll find your ex disguised in another body, have a "romance" then when things go awry or when you remember your ex in moments where you definitely shouldn't, it sucks. And when you let her go you'll be mourning 2. not 1.


I say it because it happened to me. Got so much more to learn. BTW I'm still with the guy but honestly if you don't learn your lesson now Life will make sure you get it the next time. There's no way around this.