member31986

Hi all, well ah checked himself into rehab for detox. So I was very much relieved about that. His boss actually called him about a week ago and someone had suspected a on him. Anyway, he told his boss he was going to rehab and boss wants written confirmation of this from facility. Long story short AH drove himself for what he thought would be 4 days detox, then out patient treatment at same facility near our home. Well, I got a call yesterday from rehab place and woman told me how very sick my AH is and they want him to stay inpatient (4 weeks). The woman told me that he is adament about coming home and does not want to stay but she also told me that the failure rate for him doing just out patient is high in his condition. She told me he is very manipulative (of course I KNOW THAT!- married 25yrs this year, 20 of it related to alcohol-he went inpatient 19 years ago this summer). Anyway, he will probably call me about this and I am sure tell me a totally different story. Unfortunately he drove himself there and his car is there...I wondered if he did this knowing that was his escape path. So I may just have to go and bring the car home. I thought about emailing his boss and tell him the recomendation knowing full well that could cost his job... what do you all think..I am tired of being manipulated and I know boundaries must be set..just thinking that I let him drive himself there, probably under some influence makes me sick- along with many other times... However, I just started a new job 6 weeks ago and am trying to get my foot in the door so you understand that i don't want to call off for this and that..I've already left early a few days just to go to doctors with him over this. My boss does know about it as I felt I had to explain my sudden doctors appts.Please help. Yes, I know I need it too and have to take care of myself!?? I have son in college and d in high school. We are all tired of this.

transformyself

When I feel this way, I have to work darn hard to NOT be manipulated. Set those boundaries!

Take care of yourself first. Go to work. Do a great job. Leave the drunk to his HP (who I've heard loves babies and drunks) so you can have your own money!

To me I only find relief when I stop spinning in my head about my AH and think about ME. What do I need to do right now to make my life better that doesn't involve him?

Insulated

So I may just have to go and bring the car home

What a positive position your AH has acquired by driving himself to detox. Of course the first few days he'll probably volley back and forth with staying and going home. It would benefit you to leave the car where it is. He has to make the decision to stay or go, and the car is an exit strategy for him. Leave it right where it is and let your AH make his own decisions. Meanwhile, you can get refocused on your new job and the quality of your own work, etc. I hope your AH is serious about recovery. Congrats!

Pelican

I am glad your husband is making an effort towards recovery. Inpatient or Outpatient doesn't matter. What matters is the alcoholics committment to recovery. If he is just going through the motions to get people off his back, he will be drinking again soon.

This is HIS recovery. This is HIS addiction. HE is an adult.

You did not cause it
You will not control it
You can not cure it

Let your husband choose his treatment. Let your husband notify his employer.